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Old 05-20-2019, 10:46 AM
20,316 posts, read 16,482,846 times
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Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
It seems to me that if you even HINT at having a crush, or a mutual crush, like mentioning to him to not look at you so much, will only make things worse. If someone told ME the words I bolded, I'd avoid that person like the plague, and it would almost certainly NOT be more comfortable.
He knows she has a crush, he does too. They are giving each other special “we’ve got a secret” smiles, etc. talking is not the way to stop though unless the talking is about how they can no longer be friends. Fidelity requires the responsibility to not put yourself in situation that could lead to cheating first and foremost. They are both already cheating emotionally and it appears to be a habit for OP.
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Old 05-20-2019, 01:42 PM
9,541 posts, read 6,672,867 times
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Originally Posted by thefullmonty View Post
I want this under non-romantic because it is about co-workers and feelings, not ACTING on those feelings, so a romantic relationship never begins. This is not about dating a co-worker.

Isn't it pretty common to develop romantic feelings, or a crush, for a co-worker? It has happened for me quite often, at different levels, at different jobs. I feel that we are at our best at work - respectful, diligent, professional, on good behavior, so why wouldn't we be attractive to others? Especially if you spend years together.

I'm dealing with this situation yet again and it's obvious to me that he feels similarly. I am thankful that we are both married and neither of us will act on our feelings. Based on the smiles we give each other and the things that we do for each other, it seems to me that we're both extremely flattered by the admiration of the other. I know that feelings can't be turned off, but I sure wish I could give it a try. I am tired of the uncomfortableness and having this "secret" makes me very self-conscious and easily embarrassed. When he is in the same room, he is always alert and aware and looks at me quite often, which causes me anxiety. When he's out of the room I am calm and relaxed. I would like to ask him not to look at me so much, but that's partly his nature, and it's hard to get him alone to talk to, but if the situation arises I will attempt this conversation. I think my feelings are just unconditional love; they are not sexual, if we were both single I would want to try a relationship but I would also be happy just having him as a good friend. He is a good husband, he's attractive but not the sort I fantasize about. I have tried to focus on his negative aspects, but it doesn't diminish my feelings. I just don't know how to feel more comfortable around him. Maybe the way to start the conversation is to say "I want to be more comfortable with you" and figure out the ways we are making each other uncomfortable.

Input welcome. I just needed to post this somewhere. There aren't many people I can talk to about it.
This is how 99% of office affairs start. Then people say: I don't know how it happened!
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Old 05-20-2019, 01:43 PM
9,541 posts, read 6,672,867 times
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Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
OP, since this happens to you often, I would take a deeper look at what's driving you to fall for your co-workers, if I were you. It isn't normal for this to happen repeatedly. Could there be some underlying neediness, some emotional need deep down, that isn't being met? I would encourage you to consider getting some in-depth counseling, to get at the root of this repetitive pattern. While you may be reluctant to lift the carpet to see what's underneath, so to speak, you may ultimately find it liberating, when you find out the source of the issue, and resolve whatever it is.
It is quite common for co-workers to go through this. This is the byproduct of working together. Some go for the affair others stop.
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Old 05-26-2019, 11:21 PM
17 posts, read 2,397 times
Reputation: 17
Keep it professional is all I have to say.
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