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I would definitely be annoyed by that, especially if you've made it clear you don't want to be set up. I wouldn't be furious - I think that's an overreaction (that's my answer to your title question). I don't have the sense as to whether you are wanting to meet a female for romantic companionship, but if you aren't, I'd make that clear to your friend. If you are, but you don't want to meet someone inorganically (e.g., being set up), I'd make that clear to your friend, too.
I wouldn't do that well in a situation like you described- in fact, when it's been done to me, I've been annoyed, too. But I think being furious is overkill from my perspective. However, you feel how you feel. No one can decide that for you.
If she has been "pestering" him, maybe he was at "annoyed" 10 times ago and this is the final straw.
He’s still “furious” days later. I think he’s building up in his head any awkwardness into a huge deal. No one thought about it after the encounter except OP. I think the degree of embarrassment he felt and feels is unwarranted and out of proportion. But I feel like some kind of shame about how he handled it is fueling the anger. Everyone has social failures at times it’s not that big a deal as he feels it is.
Work on how to get out of uncomfortable situations... First off, do not sit down & become trapped. You can always leave to use the bathroom or see someone you have to speak with across the way-- oh there is Jake! or head over to the bar for another drink or to see if they have X brand of Scotch.
This is a good point.
At just about any time -- even during a conversation -- you can pull out your phone, take a quick glance at it, let out an exasperated sigh and say "I'm sorry but I need to make a call. It was nice meeting you." and walk away.
Change "It was nice meeting you" to "It was nice seeing you" when appropriate.
He’s still “furious” days later. I think he’s building up in his head any awkwardness into a huge deal. No one thought about it after the encounter except OP. I think the degree of embarrassment he felt and feels is unwarranted and out of proportion. But I feel like some kind of shame about how he handled it is fueling the anger. Everyone has social failures at times it’s not that big a deal as he feels it is.
Or, it's possible it only occurred to him later how callously a "friend" disregards his feelings and wishes...
Misanthrope-sue me? Okay, that gives a brief window into what we're dealing with. I think maybe you've had some really hard and hurtful experiences? That can make you gun shy and overly sensitive. Keeping what your friend did in perspective may be a tad difficult if you are indeed a misanthrope.
Friends have a different perspective and may do and say things to you that you don't want to hear or do. What you have to look at is motivation. I think your friend was trying to help you, not hurt you. You may not like the way your friend was trying to help you, but if you can manage to see that it was done out of concern, you may have a different perspective. All you can see now is that it was a bad experience, and you're mad. I get it. My husband is an introvert and would rather not go to parties and other social activities. Are you an introvert or are you truly shy? While they are similar, they are not the same.
If you are truly shy and want to interact with people but are paralyzed by the shyness, then I wouldn't be upset with your friend who was just trying to help you out of your safe place. Introverted people find interacting with other people exhausting and would much rather be alone. You can't overcome that, it's in the DNA. Shyness is something you can overcome. Either way, I think your friend may have had your best interest at heart. so why be upset about that?
You have the choice to work on your shyness, or not. If you choose not, then tell your friend that you'd rather just stay in your save place and not to interfere. Your friend may have gotten a signal from you that you are unhappy with your shyness, and as a friend cared enough about you to want to do something to help. I would try to see your friend's point of view, and not focus on the negative.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,737,988 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by texan2yankee
enjoy being permanently alone, op. you are a piece of work. it is unlikely anyone would have the desire to teach you how to be a human being.
No need, I’m already a human being. Just a bit more hardened than most.
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