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I'm tempted to call out one of my best friends who I barely hear from anymore.
He was the best man in my wedding and I last saw him and his wife late 2016, but since then, I haven't seen him at all. I have NO idea what happened. I kind of saw the writing on the wall in 2017 - my wife would try to get together with them every few months or so but barely got any responses from them. Since we both had kids less than 1 year old, we figured it was an easy way to get even closer. We even had a gift for their son's first birthday but they had no interest in getting in (my wife likes to do this to friends that have kids just to be nice). After like the third time of them not responding to our invites (and keep in mind, it wasn't like we were pestering them every week or so, this was all over the course of 4-6 months), we both kind of just gave up, but the situation has always bothered me a bit. On our baby registry, we actually saw that two items had been brought but we never got them yet. My wife found out it was this couple who got the gifts, but I guess they never sent them...
To make things even more weird, this friend of mine has actually texted me every 6 months trying to find a time to grab a drink after work, but the plan usually falls through because he's always too busy or something has come up at work. During one of these exchanges, I did ask if everything was okay because I felt like we barely hear from him or his wife anymore, but he just brushed it off as just being too busy.
What really was the straw that broke the camel's back was when my daughter was born a few months ago. I posted something on Facebook and neither of them offered any sort of congratulatory message or Like. I don't even think they knew we were expecting a second kid. I know what you're thinking - "Facebook is garbage and you shouldn't take it too seriously." I disagree a bit in the sense that it is useful barometer in some cases. For example, my friend's wife has commented on pics of my brother's kids and my sister's wedding related stuff. As a fun fact, my brother had his second kid a week before I had mine and she posted something on his page, but not mine...Not even a congratulatory text outside of any social media.
....
That's a lot of content for someone to read, so I just want to end with one question - how hard do I confront my friend about this? I'm not going to be mean, but I'm going to be honest of how I feel and call him out. I realize that this may terminate the friendship, but I'm hoping I can at least get the truth out of it. Maybe something is wrong with me? Maybe something my wife did to upset them? If I can at least get the truth, that will be important. It's not like I've been "friends" with them for the past two years, so terminating the friendship doesn't seem that impacting. The other case is kind of a long shot - the friendship improves because we're more open...but probably not. The most likely case is that he ignores me completely, but at least I got to say something finally as opposed to beating around the bush.
Thanks for reading..
You don't, you can't make someone be your friend, they way you want them to be. Obviously something have changed, and you and your wife is no longer a priority in their lives. Perhaps it's jealousy who knows, but I wouldn't give them to satisfaction in letting them know it bothers me. I'm sure it stings a little bit, but people change, and this is not unique to you. Just live your best life, and do your best to act like this doesn't bother you, life goes on. Let them see you guys can live a happy good life without them. Continue to have get togethers with other family and friends without inviting them. They will hear it through others how you are enjoying life.
I'm tempted to call out one of my best friends who I barely hear from anymore.
He was the best man in my wedding and I last saw him and his wife late 2016, but since then, I haven't seen him at all. I have NO idea what happened. I kind of saw the writing on the wall in 2017 - my wife would try to get together with them every few months or so but barely got any responses from them. Since we both had kids less than 1 year old, we figured it was an easy way to get even closer. We even had a gift for their son's first birthday but they had no interest in getting in (my wife likes to do this to friends that have kids just to be nice). After like the third time of them not responding to our invites (and keep in mind, it wasn't like we were pestering them every week or so, this was all over the course of 4-6 months), we both kind of just gave up, but the situation has always bothered me a bit. On our baby registry, we actually saw that two items had been brought but we never got them yet. My wife found out it was this couple who got the gifts, but I guess they never sent them...
To make things even more weird, this friend of mine has actually texted me every 6 months trying to find a time to grab a drink after work, but the plan usually falls through because he's always too busy or something has come up at work. During one of these exchanges, I did ask if everything was okay because I felt like we barely hear from him or his wife anymore, but he just brushed it off as just being too busy.
What really was the straw that broke the camel's back was when my daughter was born a few months ago. I posted something on Facebook and neither of them offered any sort of congratulatory message or Like. I don't even think they knew we were expecting a second kid. I know what you're thinking - "Facebook is garbage and you shouldn't take it too seriously." I disagree a bit in the sense that it is useful barometer in some cases. For example, my friend's wife has commented on pics of my brother's kids and my sister's wedding related stuff. As a fun fact, my brother had his second kid a week before I had mine and she posted something on his page, but not mine...Not even a congratulatory text outside of any social media.
....
That's a lot of content for someone to read, so I just want to end with one question - how hard do I confront my friend about this? I'm not going to be mean, but I'm going to be honest of how I feel and call him out. I realize that this may terminate the friendship, but I'm hoping I can at least get the truth out of it. Maybe something is wrong with me? Maybe something my wife did to upset them? If I can at least get the truth, that will be important. It's not like I've been "friends" with them for the past two years, so terminating the friendship doesn't seem that impacting. The other case is kind of a long shot - the friendship improves because we're more open...but probably not. The most likely case is that he ignores me completely, but at least I got to say something finally as opposed to beating around the bush.
Thanks for reading..
I'm having a similar issue with one of my buddies. He was the best friend a guy could ever ask for about 5 years, and now he suddenly doesn't want me around. I know why. (It isn't me. He has decided to participate in some activities that he doesn't want his me or his wife to know about.) This has been going on for about 8 months now. He finally ditched the side woman, but he is working a different job now and we don't see each other during the week anymore. He has decided to start going to strip clubs on the only night that we are both available to hang out. He knows I won't go with him, so he lies about where he is going. I have confronted him several times about lying to me, and also told him that he is on track to losing his family.
I see him for about an hour once a week at his house when he gets home from work. He always acts like he feels guilty, (even though he won't admit what he did) and seems like he still wants me to be his friend. He is showing all the signs of a mid-life crisis. I am trying to be patient and wait until he gets his stuff together, but he has really inconvenienced me several times by making me wait when he says he will be there and then doesn't show up. He then makes plans with me, but something always happens, and I hear another excuse. It's almost like he has an addiction. I would just break it off with anyone else, but, like I said, he was the best friend I've ever had, and we were really tight for 5 years. I'm still hoping he'll get it together, but I ran out of patience months ago. It's hard to know what to do.
I'm tempted to call out one of my best friends who I barely hear from anymore.
He was the best man in my wedding and I last saw him and his wife late 2016, but since then, I haven't seen him at all. I have NO idea what happened. I kind of saw the writing on the wall in 2017 - my wife would try to get together with them every few months or so but barely got any responses from them. Since we both had kids less than 1 year old, we figured it was an easy way to get even closer. We even had a gift for their son's first birthday but they had no interest in getting in (my wife likes to do this to friends that have kids just to be nice). After like the third time of them not responding to our invites (and keep in mind, it wasn't like we were pestering them every week or so, this was all over the course of 4-6 months), we both kind of just gave up, but the situation has always bothered me a bit. On our baby registry, we actually saw that two items had been brought but we never got them yet. My wife found out it was this couple who got the gifts, but I guess they never sent them...
To make things even more weird, this friend of mine has actually texted me every 6 months trying to find a time to grab a drink after work, but the plan usually falls through because he's always too busy or something has come up at work. During one of these exchanges, I did ask if everything was okay because I felt like we barely hear from him or his wife anymore, but he just brushed it off as just being too busy.
What really was the straw that broke the camel's back was when my daughter was born a few months ago. I posted something on Facebook and neither of them offered any sort of congratulatory message or Like. I don't even think they knew we were expecting a second kid. I know what you're thinking - "Facebook is garbage and you shouldn't take it too seriously." I disagree a bit in the sense that it is useful barometer in some cases. For example, my friend's wife has commented on pics of my brother's kids and my sister's wedding related stuff. As a fun fact, my brother had his second kid a week before I had mine and she posted something on his page, but not mine...Not even a congratulatory text outside of any social media.
....
That's a lot of content for someone to read, so I just want to end with one question - how hard do I confront my friend about this? I'm not going to be mean, but I'm going to be honest of how I feel and call him out. I realize that this may terminate the friendship, but I'm hoping I can at least get the truth out of it. Maybe something is wrong with me? Maybe something my wife did to upset them? If I can at least get the truth, that will be important. It's not like I've been "friends" with them for the past two years, so terminating the friendship doesn't seem that impacting. The other case is kind of a long shot - the friendship improves because we're more open...but probably not. The most likely case is that he ignores me completely, but at least I got to say something finally as opposed to beating around the bush.
Thanks for reading..
I'd just let it fade. Being busy is a cop out. I have gotten to the point where if I hear that repeatedly I put the ball in their court. The truth is nobody is that busy.
I would just break it off with anyone else, but, like I said, he was the best friend I've ever had, and we were really tight for 5 years. I'm still hoping he'll get it together, but I ran out of patience months ago. It's hard to know what to do.
Hopefully, he'll come around eventually (when the guilt really gets to him and he does something about his side activities).
OP--- After reading links to your various other threads, I have to agree with those who said he isn't calling you because either his wife dislikes your wife---or both of them dislike her. Given, that sad to say, you may find others ghosting you, too, due to your wife.
This OP is really fascinating. He starts threads, maybe posts 1-2 more times per thread, and then disappears. He's ghosting us and I want to call him out! I know that will immediately stop the behavior. Or, wait.....
I've read several of his threads and at first I thought the fault was with the wife, but more and more the true colors of the OP are coming to light as well. He spends a lot of time trying to do a "gotcha!" with the wife and/or others. Keeping tabs on who likes and makes comments on your FB posts, purposefully leaving traps around your wife's toothbrush to see if she's using them or not? These are childish and unnecessary behaviors.
I think a lot of the problems in your marriage will be solved with one word: COMMUNICATION.
If you have a problem with your wife not brushing her teeth, TALK TO HER ABOUT IT.
If you have a problem with your wife not wanting to see your brother's new house or baby, ASK HER WHY.
Stop trying to figure out in your own warped mind why she does the things she does and acts the way she acts, HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT IT.
If you don't feel comfortable bringing things up, you're not in a healthy relationship. Coming on CD to "vent" is not helpful either, it's only stirring up more negativity from others.
Continue with counseling, consider doing counseling with your wife as well. If this non-stop drama and chaos is not how you want to live the rest of your life, you may want to reconsider your marriage.
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