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Old 05-20-2019, 10:47 AM
 
Location: Chicago
883 posts, read 235,302 times
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I have "do not disturb" set on my phone from 9:30pm until 6:30am. My friends and family know that if they need a quick response they have to call otherwise i will respond when i feel like it. They also know i have a bad habit of disappearing in the middle of a text convo....real life always comes first.
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Old 05-20-2019, 12:57 PM
 
Location: DFW
380 posts, read 110,188 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brava4 View Post
I'm fairly new to texting and have thought recently about this. Do you have your own "rules/etiquette" when texting or getting texts?


I'm still learning about it all. I have a friend who lives about 90 min. away and she has sent texts at 11pm on a Fri. night asking about getting together the next morning for coffee. I would get the message late Sat. morning as I worked every Sat. for 12hrs, which I had told her previously. I think huh? I would text her back and remind her I work Sat. Obviously, she can't be serious or not paying attention. That's just an example.


Do you have texting no-no's, any deal breakers? Or is it a whatever, it is what it is?


The only "rule" I have per se, is just the "common decency as a human being rule" which is: When someone speaks to you, acknowledge them. Yes, real life does come first, but within 24 hours, most people are likely to be able to answer.

I have always felt like capitals indicate screaming/exaggerating, but its not that big of a deal.

And I agree, my group texts are on DND after 9pm- gotta draw the line somewhere!

PS- if you have kids, aging parents, etc, who you might want to let get through no matter the time, you can list them as favorites, then set your DND mode to "only favorites" and then only emergency people can get to you at, say, 3 am.
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Old 05-20-2019, 01:02 PM
 
Location: East of the Sun, West of the Moon
15,462 posts, read 17,584,094 times
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Texting has the advantage of conveying a short greeting, message, or inquiry without significantly disturbing or interupting the recipient with a more invasive phone call.

But still I think general phone ettiquete applies to texting during late hours when people may be trying to sleep, since most people have an audio alert that signals an incoming text.
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Old 05-20-2019, 02:31 PM
 
48 posts, read 15,141 times
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If they don't respond to you and you really wanna know something don't keep asking or get annoyed at how long you wait for, wait for them and don't cling because if roles were reversed you would be annoyed too. Maybe they just don't feel like texting for whatever reason (long day at work, busy, not in the mood, etc). Atleast this is the rule I follow, and if I don't get a message from them then oh well not every response needs an answer even if you really want to know. If they do this most of the time then forget them.
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Old 05-20-2019, 07:01 PM
 
730 posts, read 203,968 times
Reputation: 2076
Quote:
Originally Posted by brava4 View Post
I'm fairly new to texting and have thought recently about this. Do you have your own "rules/etiquette" when texting or getting texts?


I'm still learning about it all. I have a friend who lives about 90 min. away and she has sent texts at 11pm on a Fri. night asking about getting together the next morning for coffee. I would get the message late Sat. morning as I worked every Sat. for 12hrs, which I had told her previously. I think huh? I would text her back and remind her I work Sat. Obviously, she can't be serious or not paying attention. That's just an example.


Do you have texting no-no's, any deal breakers? Or is it a whatever, it is what it is?
None of this is texting etiquette. I was always taught you don't call someone after 9 p.m.... I don't text people that late, either, because I don't know if they put their phone on silent and I wouldn't want to wake them up if not. Not remembering that a friend has to work on the day you keep wanting to propose getting together; texting a person late at night expecting they'll drop everything to see you less than 12 hours later, both also not nice but not texting-related.

I don't call or text anyone after 9 p.m., or before about 10 a.m. unless I know for sure they're an early riser. Especially on a weekend. I tend to also not email late, since so many people get emails on their phones.

I do have a "do not disturb" on my work phone, because whoever had the number last didn't tell anybody she changed her number, and also managed to get onto a bunch of spam lists, and I was sick of spam texts at 3 a.m. There's no reason anyone should need to call me on that phone overnight; if there's some work emergency, they have also my personal number.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
A lot of phones have a setting you allow for calls/texts. You can say turn it off between 10pm and 8am, but you can add numbers for exceptions, so your kids calls will come through. Also, if someone calls you 3 times in a row it will put the call through.
And unless you program in every number for every hospital, police department, etc. in the area, the first won't help. And if they don't know to call three times in a row, that won't help, either.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Diana Holbrook View Post
LOL at the last two posts. I think we all know people like that!
I think it can be a mom thing. My mom would do it inadvertently... my ex's mom, too. He'd be on the phone with her: "Okay Mom, I gotta go... no, you didn't tell me that... okay, so I'll talk to you later, love you... Oh, he did what?? ... Okay, you have a good night... Oh, that sounds like it was fun..." I always joked that with some mothers, you could be like "I gotta go, the building is on fire!" "Okay honey, be safe, run fast... oh, did I tell you Aunt Shirley called?"

(I've done it to people a couple times, but that's usually because it's someone who doesn't let me get a word in edgewise, and as I await my turn to be able to talk and tell them what I want to tell them, they finish what they're saying and are like "Okay, I'm gonna let you go now..." and I'm thinking It's now or never! and have to jump in to say what I want to say, lol.)


Quote:
Originally Posted by ABQConvict View Post
Texting has the advantage of conveying a short greeting, message, or inquiry without significantly disturbing or interupting the recipient with a more invasive phone call.

But still I think general phone ettiquete applies to texting during late hours when people may be trying to sleep, since most people have an audio alert that signals an incoming text.
Yes, and that's why I prefer it sometimes. I can quickly read/answer a text while doing something else, even if I don't have the time to take a phone call or noise of a phone conversation would be disruptive.
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Old 05-20-2019, 08:17 PM
 
3,239 posts, read 4,437,693 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
But not until after that "ding" wakes me up. I sleep with my phone on the nightstand, both because I use the alarm clock feature, and because I have 3 young adult children, and a very elderly mother. i won't take the risk of missing a call on the behalf of any of them. But I get dinged by friends in different time zones, my boss who wakes up much earlier than I do (or need to), and group texts from siblings and cousins(the biggest offenders).

IMO, if you wouldn't call somebody at that hour, you shouldn't text them either.
There is usually a separate function to turn off notifications for text and emails while still allowing phone call and alarms.
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Old 05-22-2019, 05:50 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
44,179 posts, read 35,709,054 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
But not until after that "ding" wakes me up. I sleep with my phone on the nightstand, both because I use the alarm clock feature, and because I have 3 young adult children, and a very elderly mother. i won't take the risk of missing a call on the behalf of any of them. But I get dinged by friends in different time zones, my boss who wakes up much earlier than I do (or need to), and group texts from siblings and cousins(the biggest offenders).

IMO, if you wouldn't call somebody at that hour, you shouldn't text them either.
I disable the noise notifications on my text messages. It's easy to do. I have family living all over the world in all sorts of time zones so there's no telling when a text will come in. I just respond after I've gotten up and had some coffee!
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Old 05-22-2019, 05:55 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
44,179 posts, read 35,709,054 times
Reputation: 62420
Quote:
Originally Posted by GraceKrispy View Post
I try not to text after about 9 or 10 for most of my friends or before 7 on a workday and 8 on a weekend (in THEIR time zones-- always drove me crazy to get calls at a ridiculous hour because no one could keep track of the fact that I lived in a time zone that was 3-4 hours earlier than theirs). Other than that, not a ton of text rules.

Regarding your situation, if I knew I was going to be somewhere near someone and wanted to see if they were available, I might end up texting last minute. I try to plan ahead, but it doesn't always work out. If they can meet me, great! If they can't, oh well- I tried. They've done the same for me. Maybe you friend is texting on the off chance you have a change in schedule (e.g., day off, later start, etc).



On many phones, you can change the notification so it's different for text versus call. I'd look into taking text to silent and let the phone ringer stay on, if this is a possibility. I keep both of mine on vibrate probably 95% of the time. I've gotten good at sleep through one vibration. The phone calls result in many vibrations, which typically wakes me.

On my Android phone, it's super easy to disable any type of notification. So I have my text notifications as only showing up on the screen - no ding and no vibration. Phone calls can be either muted at set hours or not - or you can mute an individual for set hours that kick in automatically every day (or night).

My family knows to only call me when it's night time in my time zone if it's an emergency but they can text me anytime because the only notification I choose to get for texts is a little tab on my phone.

In the past, my mom had dementia and would call me often at 3 am with no idea what time it was. So I began muting her calls between about 9 pm and 8 am. Just her because she was the only person calling me with a non emergency at those hours.
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Old 05-22-2019, 02:13 PM
 
Location: Minnesota
560 posts, read 132,500 times
Reputation: 1666
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
But not until after that "ding" wakes me up. I sleep with my phone on the nightstand, both because I use the alarm clock feature, and because I have 3 young adult children, and a very elderly mother. i won't take the risk of missing a call on the behalf of any of them. But I get dinged by friends in different time zones, my boss who wakes up much earlier than I do (or need to), and group texts from siblings and cousins(the biggest offenders).

IMO, if you wouldn't call somebody at that hour, you shouldn't text them either.
I try to take how I think the other person will feel about it into account. My kids will text me at all hours because they work all hours. They know I will answer on my time when they are likely busy. It can be like a game of tag but to me that's the purpose and the wonderful part about texting. It's like passing electronic notes that can be dealt with on the receiver's schedule. I have a friend in China that texts me at 2 am my time because that's just the way it is. I don't expect them to stay up half the night just to send a text at a time that 's more convenient to me. I have my notifications for texts on vibrate and when it's on my nightstand I keep it sitting on a soft cloth that absorbs the vibration. It's quite at night but during the day I will either feel it vibrate in my pocket or it will make a noise if it's sitting on a hard surface when it vibrates.
Sure I don't see some right away but it's clearly not a matter of life or death or they would be calling not texting. That said I also realize some people view cell phones in general as the devil's invention and I won't send them a text unless I know they aren't busy which usually translates into I don't text them unless I have to.

A cell phone is like any other tool that can be amazing if used correctly and awful if abused. My Mother in law will call repeatedly until you answer because it's a cell phone so you must be there right?
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Old 05-22-2019, 02:20 PM
 
Location: Minnesota
560 posts, read 132,500 times
Reputation: 1666
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
The only problem with that are the people who don't know how to keep a call short and to the point or pick up a hint that you want to end the conversation. My friend complains all the time that her grandkids only text her and don't call, but when she calls me I only answer if I know I have at least 20 minutes free because you just can't get her to hang up. You can say, "Hey, I just looked at the time and I have to leave for an appointment so I've got to go now" and she will say "OK. But did I tell you that Laura sold her house and gave me all of her beautiful houseplants?" Stupid nonsense in an obviously desperate attempt to prolong the call. Of course her grandkids don't want to listen to that.
When my kids were little what worked well was "Gotta GO! Puking (or any other bodily function) is happening!" LOL!!

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