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Old 05-21-2019, 12:58 PM
 
Location: Southern California
5,487 posts, read 8,168,558 times
Reputation: 5172

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NO WAY are you being too harsh & that co-worker who said that you are obviously doesn't get it. I just hope this whole thing doesn't escalate to where you're reporting him (or more) to HR for it being a hostile work environment.

If you don't want to even say HI, you shouldn't have to & I'd personally feel the same way too! Even a HI is too much for certain people. I'd be so mad that the one who likes you put this all out there to others.

I really hope this blows over & as more & more people are seeing that you want NOTHING to do w/ him, they'll see more of how an obsessed person he is. I hope you don't have a psycho on your hands. I'm sure you're doing things such as if you see him from a distance, you walk in a far over direction so you're not directly passing him & other things of that nature.

Can't people just mind their own business & just do their job?! (I'm talking about THEM, not you OP.)

NOTE TO SCARE YOU, but I hope you're being very alert & observant at work:

- don't let him see what kind of car you drive IF you can help it

- don't sit anywhere close to him at lunch time & if he comes & sits next to you, casually get up as fast as you can

- I don't know if you both arrive & leave work at the same time, but park in different areas at work, so you always keep him guessing IF he knows your car

- Drive different routes home & make sure w/ HR that personal info is indeed confidential

- If you start to get afraid any little bit, start documenting what he does & inform HR AND probably start looking for another job ASAP
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Old 05-21-2019, 02:47 PM
 
2,787 posts, read 2,025,575 times
Reputation: 2733
[quote=Tonyafd;]55232105]You are not quoting the op above so I don't know where you are coming from by assuming some next step has already happened. If the behavior continues and it is affecting the OPs work by all means talk to the supervisor. The supervisor may be able to dissuade him from this crush that he has without damaging anyone's finances or record. /quote]

Tonyafd:

OP means the original poster.

The original poster is the one who posted the first post.

The original poster is the one who is looking for advice.

Last edited by snugglegirl05; 05-21-2019 at 03:44 PM..
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Old 05-21-2019, 02:50 PM
 
3,604 posts, read 1,648,609 times
Reputation: 13548
No. You should trust your instincts and ignore those who decide who you should and should not speak to.
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Old 05-21-2019, 06:51 PM
 
Location: Eugene, Oregon
9,179 posts, read 3,019,420 times
Reputation: 13865
Quote:
Originally Posted by AveryJ74 View Post
At my job, I have a co-worker who has told other people who work there about their attraction to me. I don't feel the same way at all. The first time I met him I got a bad feeling about him, but I can't seem to put my finger on it as to why. In the past he has brought me snacks from the vending machine, after I told him not to. I would at least be cordial and say "Hi" but I no longer feel that I should do that because he takes it the wrong way. He has also asked other co-workers about me outside and work, and I have told them to not disclose any information about me to him.
Now, when I see him, I no longer speak at all. I'm not the only woman at my job who feels this way about him. He has a way of making you feel uncomfortable that I don't even want to acknowledge his presence. Another co-worker of mine told me that they think I'm being to harsh by not speaking to him. I think that I have every right to not speak to someone if I feel uncomfortable doing so, and I should prioritize my feelings over someone else's.
Do you think I'm being to harsh by not acknowledging him?

He's stalking you in plain sight. Give him any acknowledgement and it will get worse. He'll end up by trashing your reputation with the others at work. Don't even be polite to him and avoid crossing paths whenever you can. Get assigned to another duty, if you can't avoid him when you're working. I hope he's not a nephew of the business owner or something like that.
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Old 05-21-2019, 08:39 PM
 
Location: Proxima Centauri
4,826 posts, read 1,994,666 times
Reputation: 5274
[quote=snugglegirl05;55233764]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonyafd;
55232105]You are not quoting the op above so I don't know where you are coming from by assuming some next step has already happened. If the behavior continues and it is affecting the OPs work by all means talk to the supervisor. The supervisor may be able to dissuade him from this crush that he has without damaging anyone's finances or record. /quote]

Tonyafd:

OP means the original poster.

The original poster is the one who posted the first post.

The original poster is the one who is looking for advice.

You used this quote: "does not or does not want to get the message". Where does she say this in post 1? You have chosen to lecture me on what an OP is. I will take the liberty at this point to lecture you on grammar. Quotes are used when you are lifting and copying a direct statement either in part or whole.


I stand by what I've said about her going to a supervisor. In corporations HR solves problems by firing everyone.

Last edited by Tonyafd; 05-21-2019 at 08:59 PM..
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Old 05-21-2019, 09:09 PM
 
Location: Proxima Centauri
4,826 posts, read 1,994,666 times
Reputation: 5274
Another way of looking at this is that there is a long distance between Harvey Wienstein's behavior and Joe Biden's. Some of you want to treat all men like they are Harvey Wiensteins. By all means use a four pound sledge hammer on a finishing nail. See what result you get.
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Old 05-21-2019, 09:14 PM
 
Location: KY
579 posts, read 140,644 times
Reputation: 1335
If a person has co-worker that is a PIA they may only see once a week at work, then telling to JUST get lost, may be worthwhile. But if they have to actually work in the same department together daily, or their work intertwines with this pesky co-worker...then doing a little PR work is the better way to go.

Just be honest and tell the pesky co-worker that you do NOT EVER start or pursue romantic relationships with co-workers. Because doing so rarely works out well for either person and one of them usually ends up having to change their job as the result.

If that does not stop the pest, then next time he comes over and hangs around to make chit/chat/flirt, just asks him if he knows anything about the self defense laws in your state.

And when he acts like he does and then asks why you ask, just say to him, " My fiancé just got his red belt in martial arts and he heard that his hands are now considered lethal weapons. So I was just wondering maybe if you knew whether or not it was true. "
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Old 05-21-2019, 10:48 PM
 
1,981 posts, read 965,124 times
Reputation: 5317
Quote:
Originally Posted by AveryJ74 View Post
At my job, I have a co-worker who has told other people who work there about their attraction to me. I don't feel the same way at all. The first time I met him I got a bad feeling about him, but I can't seem to put my finger on it as to why. In the past he has brought me snacks from the vending machine, after I told him not to. I would at least be cordial and say "Hi" but I no longer feel that I should do that because he takes it the wrong way. He has also asked other co-workers about me outside and work, and I have told them to not disclose any information about me to him.
Now, when I see him, I no longer speak at all. I'm not the only woman at my job who feels this way about him. He has a way of making you feel uncomfortable that I don't even want to acknowledge his presence. Another co-worker of mine told me that they think I'm being to harsh by not speaking to him. I think that I have every right to not speak to someone if I feel uncomfortable doing so, and I should prioritize my feelings over someone else's.
Do you think I'm being to harsh by not acknowledging him?
No. The co worker who told you you were being harsh is one of those people-pleasing idiots. The guy sounds weird, frankly, and him bringing you candy when you specifically told him not to, as well as discussing this crap with co workers, is problematic (unless you work in one of those call centers, where this sort of lowbrow behaviour is common). I'd go to HR on this one, assuming your job has an HR department.
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Old 05-22-2019, 06:08 AM
 
Location: Proxima Centauri
4,826 posts, read 1,994,666 times
Reputation: 5274
[quote=snugglegirl05;55233764]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonyafd;
55232105]You are not quoting the op above so I don't know where you are coming from by assuming some next step has already happened. If the behavior continues and it is affecting the OPs work by all means talk to the supervisor. The supervisor may be able to dissuade him from this crush that he has without damaging anyone's finances or record. /quote]

Tonyafd:

OP means the original poster.

The original poster is the one who posted the first post.

The original poster is the one who is looking for advice.

If you are going to quote me please close the quote by adding [ to /quote] so that it doesn't look like I said what you did.
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Old 05-22-2019, 06:22 AM
 
209 posts, read 76,307 times
Reputation: 970
I worked in a place once and a supervisor would drop "love notes" on women's desks. There were unwanted advances. Myself and others would tell the women to go to HR. Almost all refused, afraid for their jobs. Finally HR took action and TRANSFERRED the guy to another building. That was the HR solution. So tread carefully. Going to HR might not accomplish anything. If you can change jobs, go for it.
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