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Old 05-20-2019, 11:29 AM
 
Location: Milwaukee, WI
7 posts, read 1,215 times
Reputation: 14

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At my job, I have a co-worker who has told other people who work there about their attraction to me. I don't feel the same way at all. The first time I met him I got a bad feeling about him, but I can't seem to put my finger on it as to why. In the past he has brought me snacks from the vending machine, after I told him not to. I would at least be cordial and say "Hi" but I no longer feel that I should do that because he takes it the wrong way. He has also asked other co-workers about me outside and work, and I have told them to not disclose any information about me to him.
Now, when I see him, I no longer speak at all. I'm not the only woman at my job who feels this way about him. He has a way of making you feel uncomfortable that I don't even want to acknowledge his presence. Another co-worker of mine told me that they think I'm being to harsh by not speaking to him. I think that I have every right to not speak to someone if I feel uncomfortable doing so, and I should prioritize my feelings over someone else's.
Do you think I'm being to harsh by not acknowledging him?
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Old 05-20-2019, 11:35 AM
 
3,477 posts, read 5,141,164 times
Reputation: 6497
Listen to your gut. You are not being too harsh.
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Old 05-20-2019, 11:41 AM
 
1,498 posts, read 1,406,323 times
Reputation: 10866
Trust your gut. If someone is making you uncomfortable, do what you need to do to establish and maintain boundaries. If you have asked the problematic person not to do the things that make you uncomfortable but he continues to do them, then he clearly has no interest in how you feel. What anyone else thinks about how you have decided to establish boundaries is irrelevant. You do not need anyone else's approval to ensure your own safety. Stop worrying about what your coworker thinks. He/she is free to interact with the problematic person however he/she wants, and so are you. Who cares what someone who is not a target of the problematic person thinks?
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Old 05-20-2019, 11:50 AM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
31,041 posts, read 19,625,946 times
Reputation: 44816
It's a place of work, is it feasible to not talk to this employee?

Personally? I would talk to him directly and tell him what I want him to stop, and that if he does not stop I will take the issue to HR.
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Old 05-20-2019, 12:38 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
42,396 posts, read 41,147,999 times
Reputation: 81347
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post

I would talk to him directly and tell him what I want him to stop, and that if he does not stop I will take the issue to HR.
Yep.
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Old 05-20-2019, 12:45 PM
 
Location: Texas
108 posts, read 26,612 times
Reputation: 197
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43

I would talk to him directly and tell him what I want him to stop, and that if he does not stop I will take the issue to HR.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Yep.
Agree... tell him to stop, then go to HR if he does not.
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Old 05-20-2019, 12:45 PM
 
Location: DFW
371 posts, read 108,332 times
Reputation: 594
Agree with trust your gut.
Maybe I watch too many Datelines, but if it gets any weirder, find other employment.
I have gone to HR with a couple of things (though different from this) and it has never worked in my experience. That said, if he has previous reports of doing this, it may have some momentum.
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Old 05-20-2019, 12:51 PM
 
452 posts, read 152,421 times
Reputation: 1409
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
Personally? I would talk to him directly and tell him what I want him to stop, and that if he does not stop I will take the issue to HR.
I'm seconding (thirding? fourthing?) this. Be professional and work with him if necessary, but use clear, concise speech to indicate that you are not interested in any interactions that are not work-related.
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Old 05-20-2019, 02:23 PM
 
5,321 posts, read 5,245,121 times
Reputation: 12465
I'm a guy.

No, you are not being too harsh. He is refusing to take the hint because if you don't feel the same at least he can bother you about it and he thinks it's fun to do that.
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Old 05-20-2019, 02:38 PM
 
Location: Colorado (PA at heart)
8,783 posts, read 13,531,000 times
Reputation: 11331
Quote:
Originally Posted by AveryJ74 View Post
At my job, I have a co-worker who has told other people who work there about their attraction to me. I don't feel the same way at all. The first time I met him I got a bad feeling about him, but I can't seem to put my finger on it as to why. In the past he has brought me snacks from the vending machine, after I told him not to. I would at least be cordial and say "Hi" but I no longer feel that I should do that because he takes it the wrong way. He has also asked other co-workers about me outside and work, and I have told them to not disclose any information about me to him.
Now, when I see him, I no longer speak at all. I'm not the only woman at my job who feels this way about him. He has a way of making you feel uncomfortable that I don't even want to acknowledge his presence. Another co-worker of mine told me that they think I'm being to harsh by not speaking to him. I think that I have every right to not speak to someone if I feel uncomfortable doing so, and I should prioritize my feelings over someone else's.
Do you think I'm being to harsh by not acknowledging him?
No. In fact, particularly since you're not the only one who feels this way about him, I think you and the others should go to your boss/HR and tell him/her everything you've just said here. The boss/HR may not be able to do anything about it if he hasn't technically broken any policies, but I think you should have your complaints on record in case it escalates.
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