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Old 05-20-2019, 06:46 PM
 
Location: Chicagoland
5,655 posts, read 8,664,295 times
Reputation: 6768

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lieneke View Post
I think your only option is to go all-in and be there every step of the way. If he's sending money for English lessons, ask questions about the name of the language school, find out whether he gets a tax receipt after paying the tuition to the institution. If she claims that the lessons are private, he needs to insist that he wants only the best for her, and he will directly pay the language school of her choice. There are a lot of questions that can be asked here.

Everyone has a cell phone, including Ukrainian ballerinas. Suggest that you'd love to meet her, and if the only option is long distance, get her on the phone and he can introduce you using speaker phone. If he claims they can't talk on the phone due to technology issues, ask how she manages her ballet schedule without a phone? He can call her at the language school, the ballet school or the theatre.

If she's a real ballerina, she's in a ballet company. Ask for the name of it. What is she performing, where is it? Track that down and confirm that the name your friend has been given is a ballerina and that the ballerina is indeed communicating with him.

Gently ask questions until he figures it out himself. Otherwise, he's going to be swindled out of everything he owns.
Thank you for this advice, and the specific questions to ask to gently help open his eyes... I agree Im going to go all in on this.

Im not overly religious, but I believe theres a reason we randomly crossed paths again and he told me all of this. I think he needs somebody to intervene for him, and for whatever reason, Im that person. Maybe deep down he even wants my help with this? When he left, he pointedly told me hed really like to get together more. Hes lonely. During his professional years, he brought so much joy to people through music and was very selfless with sharing his talents with others. I think it is the right thing for me to help him through this now.
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Old 05-20-2019, 06:46 PM
 
1,725 posts, read 579,036 times
Reputation: 2726
You might check with your local law enforcement for one thing. There is sometimes a record of a certain person or certain area that pinpoints parts of a state or general larger area. They may recognize something you tell them.

You should talk to the guy about this. Not blaming, of course, but just wanting to help. There may be stats you can give him. Maybe even a local from the news who had the same thing happen.

Leave it so that he feels you are concerned at least so that he has someone he has someone he may consider confiding in if he needs help in the future.

Then just leave it alone. Poor guy.
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Old 05-20-2019, 06:52 PM
 
48 posts, read 11,731 times
Reputation: 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Yes, I know, but If she were Russian, she probably wouldn't refer to herself as Ukrainian. After this much correspondence, she surely would have said at some point, "Russian, from Ukraine".

Of course, the fact that he wasn't even able to meet her when he went all the way over there is ridiculously obvious. "She works a lot"? They can't even lie believably. They ("she") could have said she had to go away on tour with the ballet troupe, unexpectedly, or that her mother back in Russia was in the hospital, and she had to go to her mother's side, or something.
Assuming things is a sign of having a low iq.
I know people that were born in foreign countries, became American citizens, and now refer to themselves as American.
I know people that were born in America that refer to themselves as German because their ancestors were German.
So you aren't making any points.
But I have no doubt she is trying to scam him.
That's what trashy girls do.
Prowl for people with money and use computers to commit unethical and criminal acts.
Some people are just garbage.

"They can't even lie believably"
????????????????????????????????
Then you gave an example of what you would consider to be a believable lie?
What kind of people aspire to tell lies that can pass as believable?
Crooked people. Dishonest people.
Etcetera.

And with lies it's all about intentions.
If a girl lies to blow a guy off because she thinks that lying seems nicer then telling him the truth that's fine.
But you aren't giving "better lie" suggestions to a scenario like that.
You are giving "better lie" suggestions that a criminal trying to scam some one should tell.
Gross.
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Old 05-20-2019, 06:55 PM
 
48 posts, read 11,731 times
Reputation: 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chaofan View Post
Olga is a common Slavic name not exclusive to Russia and does appear in other Slavic countries, including Ukraine. This particular Olga may or may not be Ukrainian (and may, in fact, not exist at all), but the name Olga itself is not evidence of a scam.
One of my relatives was named Olga.
She was not Russian.
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Old 05-20-2019, 06:59 PM
 
Location: Chicagoland
5,655 posts, read 8,664,295 times
Reputation: 6768
Quote:
Originally Posted by athena53 View Post
I like this approach because it gives John information but lets him come to his own conclusions. There are probably sites you can find with stories very similar to John's. You can open the conversation gently with something on the order of, "John, I even hate to bring up this possibility but if this is what's happening to you I'd never forgive myself if I just stood by and didn't say anything..." I saw a Dr. Phil episode on this just a few days ago while at the gym- old but still distinguished-looking man who had sent about $100K to a woman in Germany who probably never existed; her address was an office building under construction.

It's still possible John may refuse to believe he's being scammed and will spend more to prove it but at least you'll have tried.
Thanks for the suggestions... My hubby just told me I should do bad cop/good cop... Tell John that my hubby thinks its a scam because he saw a news program on it recently. Then at least John wont be too mad/defensive around me because its only my hubby who doubts the story. I thought that was a good technique for broaching the subject.
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Old 05-20-2019, 07:01 PM
 
Location: Chicagoland
5,655 posts, read 8,664,295 times
Reputation: 6768
Quote:
Originally Posted by WellShoneMoon View Post
OP, your friend probably won't be happy if you get too heavily involved in this. He'll most likely think you are nosy and over-reaching.

Here's what I'd do: I'd meet him for lunch, or coffee, or whatever. Only you and him. I'd tell him, "Look, you're an adult and you're capable of making your own decisions. But I'm concerned about your situation, and I wouldn't feel comfortable remaining silent. This relationship raises a bunch of red flags that are the earmarks of a very common scam." Then, if he's willing to listen further, give him the details.

Let him know that if he doesn't want to talk about it any more, you won't bring it up again. Take your cue from his reaction. If he doesn't want to continue the conversation, let it go. You brought it up, as your conscience demanded that you do, and you must bow out if he wants you to.
Thanks for the advice. Im going to invite him for coffee tomorrow. I will let you all know how it goes.
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Old 05-20-2019, 07:18 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,707 posts, read 70,554,766 times
Reputation: 76653
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoCUBS1 View Post

I was shocked that he could even think a beautiful 30-year-old Russian ballerina (“top-ranked”) would be interested in a 70+ y.o. geezer on a fixed income... like isn’t it an obvious scam to him? I feel really sad for him. The outcome of this will not be good. He also told me he sold his beloved, rare musical instrument because he needed the money. I’m wondering if the money went to “her.” I’m going to call him tomorrow and make arrangements to tell him.
This is alarming. Someone posted a thread a couple of months ago on the Bay Area forum, a woman in her 40's or early 50's I think, who said she fell for a similar scam, only the scammer claimed to be in San Francisco, and she lived in Oakland. After she fell for "him" , "he" asked for money needed to travel to his new locus of military deployment, or some such thing. Presented himself as a young US serviceman, who, for some strange reason (talk about red flags!!) required deposits made to a Chinese bank in SF. She ended up giving away her entire retirement savings! (She was a small business owner.). She never found it suspicious, that he never asked her to meet for coffee or lunch, even though they lived so close to each other.

These things happen. It's very sad. I hope John comes to his senses before it's too late.
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Old 05-20-2019, 07:31 PM
 
Location: NW Indiana
40,216 posts, read 15,184,892 times
Reputation: 102241
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoCUBS1 View Post
Thanks for the suggestions... My hubby just told me I should do bad cop/good cop... Tell John that my hubby thinks its a scam because he saw a news program on it recently. Then at least John wont be too mad/defensive around me because its only my hubby who doubts the story. I thought that was a good technique for broaching the subject.
Hey, your hubby had a good idea there. That may be a gentler way to approach it with John.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoCUBS1 View Post
Thanks for the advice. Im going to invite him for coffee tomorrow. I will let you all know how it goes.
Good luck. We will anxiously await your report back after you talk with John. Bless you for your concern for this man. You have a kind heart.

.
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Old 05-20-2019, 08:51 PM
 
48 posts, read 11,731 times
Reputation: 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post


OP, if. you're going to do this, line up the best arguments in a row. Ultimately, you can drive home the point that he went all the way over there, and she couldn't even spare a half hour for tea/coffee with him.

Even if he refuses to believe it by the end of your meeting, it could start to sink in when he gets home.

Poor guy.
Or he could mind his own business.
If it's not his father or a family member that he is concerned about he shouldn't be interfering.
It's not his place to or his business to.

Most people that concern themselves with other people's drama are people that are trying to escape their own problems and the fact that they are unhappy.

Last edited by DCST; 05-20-2019 at 09:13 PM..
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Old 05-20-2019, 09:06 PM
 
937 posts, read 257,934 times
Reputation: 2575
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoCUBS1 View Post
Thank you for this advice, and the specific questions to ask to gently help open his eyes... I agree Im going to go all in on this.

Im not overly religious, but I believe theres a reason we randomly crossed paths again and he told me all of this. I think he needs somebody to intervene for him, and for whatever reason, Im that person. Maybe deep down he even wants my help with this? When he left, he pointedly told me hed really like to get together more. Hes lonely. During his professional years, he brought so much joy to people through music and was very selfless with sharing his talents with others. I think it is the right thing for me to help him through this now.
Oh dear. Please don't believe you are divinely-appointed to "help" him. If you, as his friend, want to tell him gently that he might be being scammed, fine, but don't assign more weight to it than necessary. You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved, and it will end badly if you try to drag him "into the light" because you believe so strongly that The Universe And The Fates want you to do this that you won't take no for an answer (or feel completely crushed if you are not able to convince him).


I think he is probably being scammed too-- possibly by a woman who simply wants a sugar daddy. He is probably bitter about women because of his divorce, hence his snarky little jab about how Ukrainian women are different (from those evil American women, etc. etc.). Yes, I saw this same attitude many times from men in Thailand, from the "had little success in the West, decided it was because Western women are horrible people, found a much-younger woman they could convince to be with them if they paid for her and she is "different"-- usually both different from those awful Western women, and different from all of the other young women who one pays for and one is warned about.

But. She may indeed be a real person, simply one who wants money and a green card. His comment about her being "busy" may hide the fact that she didn't spend much time with him, not that he didn't see her at all. Her taking so long to respond to texts might be because it's not that much of a priority to her but she doesn't want him to know that so she makes up something else (or, how is her English; does Google Translate take that long? Men in this type of situation are often unfazed by a lack of common language). Or, it's even possible he's high-maintenance and pesters her-- "I texted you five minutes ago, why didn't you write back yet???" so she made up this little thing about bad technology for the times she doesn't write back right away and he's not happy about that.

I'm sure he has probably also paid for this, as you are. Her English lessons, her visa, maybe she's a bit short on money this month because she's just a hardworking lady and sometimes it's hard to make ends meet, maybe her kid needs something, maybe her family needs something, maybe he wants to give her a nice gift (maybe all her friends' boyfriends give them nice gifts and of course if she doesn't have something they question whether her really loves her, it's the way courtship is done in her country, etc. etc), and all that jazz.

I also wouldn't discount that she may indeed be planning on coming to the U.S. on a tourist visa and getting married while here. It happens; that's precisely why Embassy/Immigration don't like it.

You can try, but you can't force him and he may not listen. After all, this hot and young woman loves him (has he said just what it is she "loves" about him?), it's true love, you're a naysayer, just want to believe the worst about this lovely young woman, maybe because you're jealous (if you're male, because you don't have a woman like that; if you're female, because you're not young and pretty with a sugar daddy and besides you're just one of those evil American women who wouldn't understand), yada yada yada. There are none so blind as those that will not see... especially if they're thinking with a different head than the one they should be thinking with; men will do some pretty crazy things for a nice piece of ---.

Last edited by K12144; 05-20-2019 at 09:19 PM..
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