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Old 05-20-2019, 09:14 PM
 
23 posts, read 11,708 times
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My niece went to Africa ALL ALONE, to marry an igbu guy she met online. She was so sure that she had found her "king" and she was his "queen" that no amount of clarity could dissuade her. She is back in the states now alone, waiting for his visa/money,something to get right so that he can join her. Even though she send him money, she thinks it's all good.


I think that you should tell John what you think, he might listen. Ego wise you can get caught up in the fantasy, but real people do not fall in love with complete strangers.
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Old 05-20-2019, 09:18 PM
 
48 posts, read 11,731 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DCST View Post
I have a French name and I'm an American.
Moderator cut: delete

Also nearly every Ukrainian person I have ever met has had a Russian name.
And they speak Russian.
.....................
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Old 05-20-2019, 09:29 PM
 
Location: Chicagoland
5,655 posts, read 8,664,295 times
Reputation: 6768
Quote:
Originally Posted by K12144 View Post
Oh dear. Please don't believe you are divinely-appointed to "help" him. If you, as his friend, want to tell him gently that he might be being scammed, fine, but don't assign more weight to it than necessary. You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved, and it will end badly if you try to drag him "into the light" because you believe so strongly that The Universe And The Fates want you to do this that you won't take no for an answer (or feel completely crushed if you are not able to convince him).
Well, as I said, I’m not overly religious so I don’t feel “divinely appointed to help him.” However, he did specifically approach me at a big event (after I hadn’t seen him in years) and inquired about the concert, which I ended up inviting him to. He knew lots of others at the event (who were also going to the concert) but only wanted to talk to me, so I’m wondering if this is his way of “reaching out” subconsciously for some help. As soon as we sat down for dinner, he started confiding to me about Olga.

I’m no Mother Teresa and not the spiritual counselor or touchy-feely type, or someone who would “feel completely crushed.” I’m pretty much the complete opposite of all that - a very logical person who can take care of business without being emotionally invested (and he knows this about me)... But I guess I could be reading too much into his intentions of including me. Maybe he was just happy/bragging and not subconsciously doubting/seeking some help, specifically from me.

I guess I could walk away and let him learn from all this. But 1) I think I could regret that and 2) I’m trying to be a better person and help people when I can...
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Old 05-20-2019, 09:33 PM
 
937 posts, read 257,934 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anthonyforest View Post
My niece went to Africa ALL ALONE, to marry an igbu guy she met online. She was so sure that she had found her "king" and she was his "queen" that no amount of clarity could dissuade her. She is back in the states now alone, waiting for his visa/money,something to get right so that he can join her. Even though she send him money, she thinks it's all good.


I think that you should tell John what you think, he might listen. Ego wise you can get caught up in the fantasy, but real people do not fall in love with complete strangers.
I had a friend who was posting on her blog about the Mexican guy she met who was so great and I think wanted her to move to be with him. He was super-sweet, he had a lot of money for a young guy (we were young at the time too, also in our early 20s). Some of her descriptions of him were simply red flags to me (too much money, where did he get it... in Mexico...? Too sweet, probably would've changed later; probably of the sort that culturally would've expected her to be the "little woman" and she just wasn't that type, was more likely to tell you off for suggesting it). Smart woman, skeptical woman, takes-no-BS woman, kick@ss type of woman, *never* the sort you'd expect to get caught up in stupid scams, of all the people I know one of the last I would expect it of, completely shocking.

The last I heard about her was when I was talking with the police about her disappearance. I wish she had only lost money. (But I tell myself she's off being a narcoreina somewhere in Mexico... I almost wouldn't put it past her, lol. It's better than imagining what probably really did happen to her; I cannot even think about it, even now years and years later.)
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Old 05-20-2019, 09:44 PM
 
Location: Chicagoland
5,655 posts, read 8,664,295 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K12144 View Post

But. She may indeed be a real person, simply one who wants money and a green card. His comment about her being "busy" may hide the fact that she didn't spend much time with him, not that he didn't see her at all. Her taking so long to respond to texts might be because it's not that much of a priority to her but she doesn't want him to know that so she makes up something else (or, how is her English; does Google Translate take that long? Men in this type of situation are often unfazed by a lack of common language). Or, it's even possible he's high-maintenance and pesters her-- "I texted you five minutes ago, why didn't you write back yet???" so she made up this little thing about bad technology for the times she doesn't write back right away and he's not happy about that.

---.
Yes, this is what I need to figure out.... Did he actually meet her in person in Kiev? He was very vague at dinner on it and I did not have time to question him fully. And he had no other pictures from their time together - just the posed picture of her. My friend believes that Olga is indeed a real woman with a real 7 y.o. who wants a better life by marrying an American (even a 70 y.o. who doesn’t speak her language)...

He said she speaks very limited English, but is now taking classes so they can communicate. He also mentioned something about her needing to know some English for the Visa or marriage license (can’t remember which), which I didn’t really understand..

Last edited by GoCUBS1; 05-20-2019 at 09:52 PM..
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Old 05-20-2019, 10:18 PM
 
1,725 posts, read 579,036 times
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Maybe you can do an image search of this woman. Search the name, phrases she uses, other photos she may send with specifics in them.
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Old 05-21-2019, 02:33 AM
 
Location: British Columbia ♥ 🍁 ♥
7,237 posts, read 6,581,911 times
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Sorry OP, but John's entire story as told by you here sounds made up to me rather than a scam. I think there are far too many holes in it even for it to be a real person doing a real scam. Or else you haven't told us everything that he told you. Did he show you any pictures of places and sights to see from his trip to Kiev? Are you sure he actually went to Kiev, or is it possible the trip was just something else he made up?

As it is, everything is hearsay about hearsay with far too many excuses and evasions, and I don't believe the woman he told you about exists, I think she's a figment of his imagination. You haven't offered any proof that you know for a fact that he actually went to Kiev. The picture of her that he showed you could be a picture of anybody, even a picture that he took from internet. He sounds confused about visas.

It sounds like the kind of obscure, disconnected story that so many doddering old men who are becoming senile will make up when they're becoming delusional and confused about the difference between reality and non-reality with the onset of geriatric senility. That may also explain his late in life divorce from his wife of 40 years, the guy may have gone off the deep end on her and become too much for her to deal with and she kicked him out. They might not even really be divorced, that might be another lie.

I could be wrong of course, and obviously your intentions are that you have his best interests at heart but you need to be careful and on your guard if you're going to be a do-gooder and try to do an intervention on somebody that you apparently don't really know very well and haven't seen anything of in the past several years.

If it turns out that he's going senile and this is just a fantasy that he made up and convinced himself that it's real and then feels like he's getting backed into a corner by you and have the lies and confusions revealed because you are trying to be "helpful" he could go off the deep end on you too. And that could be dangerous if he suddenly accuses you of meddling in his affairs and becomes violently paranoid and offensive towards you for making him feel even more confused and exposing his vulnerability and frailty of mind.

I think before you convince your own self and then try to convince him too that he is being scammed that it's important for you to first determine if he really is in his own right mind or not. You need more answers to many more questions and you need to be particularly gentle and subtle about connecting all the dots without sounding as though you are being judgemental or making accusations and making him feel like a fool and a liar.

It could be that what he really needs is psychiatric intervention, not scammer intervention. If he needs psychiatric intervention instead, then trying to intercede because of a 'suspected' scam could cause him to become even more confused and could cause a worse mental break down. Please be careful that you don't do or say something to tip the scales for him and cause more harm than good, and worse mental health problems than what he already has.

.
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Old 05-21-2019, 04:29 AM
 
1,975 posts, read 960,836 times
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This poor, foolish man. Left his family for this. What's he going to have to come back to once his heart is inevitably broken?
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Old 05-21-2019, 04:40 AM
 
Location: USA
17,748 posts, read 8,871,248 times
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Retired musicians, being "artists" don't have the best judgment sometimes. Either that or he is getting senile. Total scam.
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Old 05-21-2019, 05:57 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
10,290 posts, read 4,868,671 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spuggy View Post
You can send him a few links to dr.phil episodes where he shows victims how the scams work and proves who is scamming them. Other than that I donít know you will convince him, he will just rationalize your jealous, you don't understand, etc.

^^^ This ^^^ Just last week Dr. Phil had an 80 year old man who was scammed into sending this "woman" $150,000! If this Ukrainian chick hasn't asked for money, it's only a matter of time before she does with some sob story about her daughter being in the hospital, etc.
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