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View Poll Results: How Do You Rank Your Family in Terms of Survival and Support?
They are the best - always "there" for me, come Hell or high water 50 42.02%
They are okay - they will be there in a pinch, but not overly helpful or enthusiastic 30 25.21%
They are lousy - unavailable and/or problematic themselves 29 24.37%
They are the worst ever - you can't even imagine how bad they are 10 8.40%
Voters: 119. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 05-23-2019, 09:18 AM
 
Location: Hockey Rulez, Texas
757 posts, read 242,567 times
Reputation: 1216

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Lousy.....
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Old 05-23-2019, 09:44 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,251 posts, read 7,857,449 times
Reputation: 53189
I'm in they're in the worst category. My brother is my only living relative that threw away his kid, used and grifted people and wound up homeless on a beach in Florida. My parents were both abusive alcoholics that robbed me of my childhood. They were abusive and it was like growing up in a war zone. Good riddance to all of them.
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Old 05-23-2019, 10:06 AM
 
Location: Colorado
11,613 posts, read 7,195,062 times
Reputation: 20924
The only relatives I had who made me feel really loved and cared for, are dead now.

I do love my Mom, and I know that she loves me...in her way. She falls under the "problematic" category. While she cleaves emotionally to "blood" as much as people will allow her, she has a lifelong habit of making really bad decisions and getting herself into untenable situations, blowing everything up and starting over, and leaning hard on anyone who seems to have resources she can glom onto. She'll say she is "helping" someone even as she drains them of every asset they've got. She weaves elaborate justifications for her actions. And she can, on occasion, snap and be downright mean...to herself, and to others. So I love her, and try to be forgiving of her, but I need to have big, bad boundaries with her, too.

I'm distant from my siblings, we almost never talk. Their lives are very different from mine. One of them is very wholesome and churchy, the other one has a highly dramatic personal life featuring addiction and violence. They are both much younger and in different phases of life, relative to where I'm at. I don't feel that any of us has much interest in being more connected or involved with one another.

I once thought I'd forged a good relationship with my Dad and Stepmother, in my young adulthood. But my Dad has made some really bad life choices (like being perfectly willing to drive drunk, even now) that have made me lose respect for him. His alcoholism caused destructive behavior when I was a kid, and the fact that he hasn't grown the hell up and learned better by now... And my Stepmother for some reason stopped speaking to me after my divorce. I'd have thought she'd be happy, everyone knew my ex was becoming dangerously abusive, and it was for my own best interest and that of my kids that I was getting out. I'm told she has her own issues that have made her withdrawn. But y'know, when someone won't return a call or text, for over 3 years now... Fine. Message received. "Unavailable."

I have two sons, 17 and 20 years old. I love them, and on the one hand they are respectful and decent in many ways...on the other, they are lazy and seem happy to sit around consuming entertainment and I think I'm gonna have to put a boot to their backsides to get them to "adult." I'm less than thrilled about that.

I have a boyfriend I expect to marry in the near-ish future. And a social group of very close friends. They are neither problematic nor unavailable, they're the best people I've ever had in my life. They are the new family I am building where love and support are real and present. Where I'm going, does not have to look like where I've been.
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Old 05-23-2019, 12:02 PM
 
Location: In a vehicle.
4,959 posts, read 3,168,545 times
Reputation: 8137
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
It doesn't really matter if you want to think about your Family of Origin or the family you have created. I am conflating "both" aspects into my perception of "family."

I now believe that "family" is simply a support team - and some teams are better than others and have better records.

My "team" is not that strong. I would prefer a "better" team, but I have to play the hand I was dealt.

How do you feel about your team (specifically regarding survival and "support" - which includes emotional support, as well as practical support). If you need someone, are they "there" - or is there hesitation?
Well I wish you'd included "I don't mind talking to them, but won't turn my back to them...Just to be safe"
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Old 05-23-2019, 12:05 PM
 
158 posts, read 48,875 times
Reputation: 284
My immediate family is the best.
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Old 05-23-2019, 12:07 PM
 
1,812 posts, read 725,241 times
Reputation: 2973
My parents and brother are always there for me, come hell or high water, as OP so eloquently and effectively worded it.
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Old 05-23-2019, 12:09 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
31,271 posts, read 19,739,850 times
Reputation: 45138
I have been very lucky with my related family, the families I have married into, and my "friend families."

Some back stuff? Yeah, really bad, but overall awesome people.

I would think the poll would have to lean heavily to the "positive" because you included families one goes out and forms for themselves, and I doubt anyone chooses jerks.
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Old 05-23-2019, 01:20 PM
 
Location: Living on the Coast in Oxnard CA
15,690 posts, read 26,659,739 times
Reputation: 20257
I would rather be the person others come to then have to run off to others for any kind of help or support.
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Old 05-23-2019, 01:22 PM
 
Location: on the wind
6,795 posts, read 2,771,359 times
Reputation: 23153
Don't see how you can neatly assign a single rank to a group of people. They are individuals. The relationships I have with each member of my family is different. And, because of those individual relationships my answer to the question would depend on the person being considered. IMHO kind of a pointless exercise. I think many polls like this are really just attempts by the creator of the poll to rank themselves against a bunch of other people in order to reinforce their opinion about how fortunate or unfortunate they might be. Or, it creates a new opportunity to discuss their family's shortcomings on web forums.

Then of course there's the unfortunate reality that my opinion about where some family member sits on the best-to-worst scale doesn't really change anything. They are what they are.
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Old 05-23-2019, 02:39 PM
 
1,586 posts, read 1,470,957 times
Reputation: 4490
We don't live near either of our families, but we would if it made sense for us to. (The majority of my spouses family lives in a economically depressed area, and my fam is in another country). I rated them as the best because they really are.
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