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I'm a bit confused on exactly who Christina is. You say "an employee." Like, a domestic employee or home health care worker? Not just someone either your DIL or stepson work with/employee at some kind of outside job?
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Originally Posted by Roselvr
'll never understand how a woman can just leave her kids like that. It tells you a lot about her character!
It was kind of hard to follow, but from what I read..... I wouldn't hesitate to tell stepson's father what is going on. As for stepson's marriage, that's the business of DIL and stepson. Be emotionally supportive and do what you reasonably can for grandkids.
I would definitely tell my husband. Even if he didn't really want to know, he has a right to since he (and you) are trying to help stepson out and he's behaving badly - or so it seems. If it's not true, it's easy to sort out, but if it is, wow.
I have faith that you'll find a way to express yourself that won't embarrass anybody, but I think it might be a good time to speak your mind. Some situations, and especially those involving children, don't benefit from pretending or tiptoeing around heavy issues.
What exactly is the problem other than the fact you don't seem to like Christina for some reason?
At minimum, the OP’s husband thinks they are housing the grandson while the other grandmother is ill and his parents have moved there to care for her, not knowing that his own son has moved back home and has apparently moved his GF/employee in.
That could affect how long the grandson stays with the OP and her husband.
But that’s not the only reason he needs to know.
Having to uproot everyone to care for a sick parent is hard. Why didn't they bring her mother to their house? That would have stopped Christina from moving in.
In the end, your DIL will look like the one at fault if they do get divorced because she willingly moved out of their house. If your stepson is like my last ex, he will use that to his advantage saying she's the one that broke the family up even though she did so to be a good daughter to her mother.
Why isn't he doing online school? You can go to that K-12 website to see if he can do online classes. That would be my 1st choice for him and if not online he should be working with his father. I'm sure there's something he could do. My fear is that missing the year of school he will drop out.
I'm sure sending that text to you was very hard or she would have told you awhile ago
I'm so sorry for what your family is going thru. There's nothing I despise more then a cheater. My mother cheated on my dad thru the whole marriage. If your stepson wasn't happy with his marriage, he should have separated from your DIL before swimming in Christina's pond. There is no reason for anyone to cheat. If the marriage is bad do something about it before moving on.
Who's kids are they that they're trying to get custody of? Is it step son's side or your DIL's side? Unfortunately those kids will probably suffer the hardest consequences because now there are 2 homes that have failed them. Then there are your 2 grand kids plus Christina's 3 kids. I'll never understand how a woman can just leave her kids like that. It tells you a lot about her character! They're all innocent in this mess that your stepson and Christina have created.
I agree that you need to speak to your husband. He needs to know what's going on with his son. BirdieBelle said stepson wasn't being a good role model and I highly agree. Your husband needs to tell him that his son needs him to be a great role model now more then ever and he needs to break away from Christina to put his focus on his own family before it gets any more broken. This is the time teenagers especially need that good role model; especially your grandson with being in trouble.
Stepson also needs to be checked for other sexually transmitted diseases. Depending on how young Christina is, I also suggest your husband speaks to him about getting a vasectomy because there are enough kids here that will suffer the consequences of stepson and Christina. They sure don't need to bring more innocent kids into it.
There is an important detail I forgot to mention. My stepson's wife is NOT the mother of the grandkids. She is their stepmother. There mother is still in the picture and sees the kids on a more or less regular basis.
The 2 kids that they're trying to get custody of are actually 2nd cousins (I guess) to my stepson, on his mother's side. My stepson's mother has a sister. The sister's daughter gave birth to the 2 kids. Different fathers for the 2 kids. The kids' birth mother is a junkie.
The question has been asked (by us) why is DIL keeping these kids that are putting a wedge in the marriage? Because DIL is in her 40's, never had kids of her own, and as far as she is concerned, these are her kids now. Stepson is (I think) uninterested in these kids now.
Why isn't grandson in school? Well, he got suspended for a year. First he got suspended for beating a kid up. And then the latest trouble happened, and they extended the suspension for a year.
There will be a sentencing hearing next month. Things could go one of 3 ways, from what I understand. He could be sent to a boys home type of thing. OR his school district might give him a laptop, and he will be able to take online classes, OR the school district that we are in has an alternative school situation, and he might go there.
I learned over the weekend, that grandson is out of the Psyche Evaluation as of last Thursday. Apparently, he came away from it with more than one diagnosis, but I don't know what they were. He went from the Psyche eval straight to his dad's. I GUESS that's where he will be for now. I don't know if we'll get him back or not.
There is some paperwork that his lawyer wants my husband to fill out. Not sure to what end, but I'm guessing/wondering if it's for grandson to go to alternative school in our district, which would mean him living with us for the entirety of the school year. At this juncture, I'm not sure any of us want that.
Oh...also, Stepson had a vasectomy after grandson was born. He is a horn dog, and grandson is #5 and the youngest, and only boy.
Oh...and I did talk to my husband Friday night. His attitude is more or less, that all of this is out of our hands now, IF grandson isn't going to be living with us anymore. And that what's going on between stepson, Christina and DIL, is THEIR problem to figure out. Which...I guess, is right. I can't think of what WE can do that fixes anything.
I'm a bit confused on exactly who Christina is. You say "an employee." Like, a domestic employee or home health care worker? Not just someone either your DIL or stepson work with/employee at some kind of outside job?
My stepson owns a logistics company. Christina is one of his drivers.
Or perhaps it's their father who has left them.
And no...Christina has left her 3 school age children in another state.
The term step when it comes to children is something I do not understand but that is neither here nor there.
Adult step son and his family moved, apparently he may have an affair based on observations by step mom on how someone uses his phone and deals with one of his teenage children. Where is the mother when someone else steps in? Suggestions are to discuss this potential situation with step son's father and bring up a vasectomy as he has enough offspring.
I think indicating stepson is important.
For one thing, he was a grown 25 yr. old man with 2 children already, when I met my husband. I did not have a hand in raising him. I love him, and I love the grandkids (the 2 youngest, including my grandson, I was there in the hospital when they were born.)
And, he may be having an affair based on my DIL's observations. Not mine.
My observation was that Christina seemed too motherly toward the grandkids.
Oh...and I did talk to my husband Friday night. His attitude is more or less, that all of this is out of our hands now, IF grandson isn't going to be living with us anymore. And that what's going on between stepson, Christina and DIL, is THEIR problem to figure out. Which...I guess, is right. I can't think of what WE can do that fixes anything.
I agree with our husband. As a professor once told me "People know what is wrong."
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