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Oh...and I did talk to my husband Friday night. His attitude is more or less, that all of this is out of our hands now, IF grandson isn't going to be living with us anymore. And that what's going on between stepson, Christina and DIL, is THEIR problem to figure out. Which...I guess, is right. I can't think of what WE can do that fixes anything.
It's good that you told him, because he does need to be aware of what his son is doing. It would be great if they had the kind of relationship where Dad could counsel your stepson.
It's funny that you know him well enough to know that he's got a horndog reputation but your husband doesn't feel comfortable stepping in somehow to snap him out of whatever zone he's in. I think a lot of families are more hands off like that these days.
There is an important detail I forgot to mention. My stepson's wife is NOT the mother of the grandkids. She is their stepmother. There mother is still in the picture and sees the kids on a more or less regular basis.
The 2 kids that they're trying to get custody of are actually 2nd cousins (I guess) to my stepson, on his mother's side. My stepson's mother has a sister. The sister's daughter gave birth to the 2 kids. Different fathers for the 2 kids. The kids' birth mother is a junkie.
The question has been asked (by us) why is DIL keeping these kids that are putting a wedge in the marriage? Because DIL is in her 40's, never had kids of her own, and as far as she is concerned, these are her kids now. Stepson is (I think) uninterested in these kids now.
Why isn't grandson in school? Well, he got suspended for a year. First he got suspended for beating a kid up. And then the latest trouble happened, and they extended the suspension for a year.
There will be a sentencing hearing next month. Things could go one of 3 ways, from what I understand. He could be sent to a boys home type of thing. OR his school district might give him a laptop, and he will be able to take online classes, OR the school district that we are in has an alternative school situation, and he might go there.
I learned over the weekend, that grandson is out of the Psyche Evaluation as of last Thursday. Apparently, he came away from it with more than one diagnosis, but I don't know what they were. He went from the Psyche eval straight to his dad's. I GUESS that's where he will be for now. I don't know if we'll get him back or not.
There is some paperwork that his lawyer wants my husband to fill out. Not sure to what end, but I'm guessing/wondering if it's for grandson to go to alternative school in our district, which would mean him living with us for the entirety of the school year. At this juncture, I'm not sure any of us want that.
Oh...also, Stepson had a vasectomy after grandson was born. He is a horn dog, and grandson is #5 and the youngest, and only boy.
Thanks for the extra information. I hope everything works out for grandson so that at least he can go to school online while being kicked out for a year because he'd surely be one to drop out. I have one like that. She was just so mad we moved, ended up staying back and had enough. A year later of course she regretted it.
It's good that you told him, because he does need to be aware of what his son is doing. It would be great if they had the kind of relationship where Dad could counsel your stepson.
It's funny that you know him well enough to know that he's got a horndog reputation but your husband doesn't feel comfortable stepping in somehow to snap him out of whatever zone he's in. I think a lot of families are more hands off like that these days.
My husband has tried more than once, to step in and give advice. One time, he even offered to have his son and the 2 youngest grandkids move in with us, and my husband would PAY for him to go to school. I was fine with that. But no, stepson seemingly can't live without a woman in his life, so that didn't happen.
Plus, you can only work with the information you're given, and come to find out...we're not privy to all the information. At least, not from stepson.
Sassy, I am sorry that I am not able to offer any advice, but I know how emotionally draining such drama can cause, and I am truly sorry that you are going through that. (One thing I have learned from my own drama, however, if that someone ever lies to you, DO NOT trust him or her to tell the truth about anything personal -- EVER. Always, alwaysverify.)
Please take care of yourself.
P.S. I must admit that I was very confused by the drama and "who was who". Too bad that C-D does not have some kind of graphing capability so that you could fill in a family tree and post it (with fake names, of course)!
Sassy, I am sorry that I am not able to offer any advice, but I know how emotionally draining such drama can cause, and I am truly sorry that you are going through that. (One thing I have learned from my own drama, however, if that someone ever lies to you, DO NOT trust him or her to tell the truth about anything personal -- EVER. Always, alwaysverify.)
Please take care of yourself.
P.S. I must admit that I was very confused by the drama and "who was who". Too bad that C-D does not have some kind of graphing capability so that you could fill in a family tree and post it (with fake names, of course)!
yeah...I probably could've been clearer, if I used proper names instead of 'stepson' 'DIL' and 'grandkids'. Or maybe I could've organized my thoughts better.
And no...Christina has left her 3 school age children in another state.
Somehow I missed that part... I thought we were talking about the cousins they're taking care of.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy
Oh...and I did talk to my husband Friday night. His attitude is more or less, that all of this is out of our hands now, IF grandson isn't going to be living with us anymore. And that what's going on between stepson, Christina and DIL, is THEIR problem to figure out. Which...I guess, is right. I can't think of what WE can do that fixes anything.
It kind of is out of your hands, except inasmuch you know one of the kids is going to be living with his dad and his dad's paramour (and whatever attitudes he might take from that, plus, is he going to be expected to keep this from DIL, or rub it in her face, or...? and where is the other cousin/grandkid going to live, if they apparently cannot live with the one you had {so can't also go live with stepson and Christina} but it's certainly not fair for DIL to have to take care of them since they're not her family AND it seems like the person who IS their family is separating from her?), and how is this going to work moving forward like is stepson going to be getting a divorce that you'll probably have to deal with the aftermath of, are you going to be expected to either welcome Christina at family events in lieu of DIL, or keep stepson's secret and pretend you don't know what's going on around other people, or...?
And no...Christina has left her 3 school age children in another state.
I have no respect for mothers like her. I bet the kids are out of sight, out of mind too and that she hasn't had much visitation since splitting to be with stepson. She's no role model for your grandson. Neither of them are. His best option is to stay with you
Somehow I missed that part... I thought we were talking about the cousins they're taking care of.
It kind of is out of your hands, except inasmuch you know one of the kids is going to be living with his dad and his dad's paramour (and whatever attitudes he might take from that, plus, is he going to be expected to keep this from DIL, or rub it in her face, or...? and where is the other cousin/grandkid going to live, if they apparently cannot live with the one you had {so can't also go live with stepson and Christina} but it's certainly not fair for DIL to have to take care of them since they're not her family AND it seems like the person who IS their family is separating from her?), and how is this going to work moving forward like is stepson going to be getting a divorce that you'll probably have to deal with the aftermath of, are you going to be expected to either welcome Christina at family events in lieu of DIL, or keep stepson's secret and pretend you don't know what's going on around other people, or...?
I'm going to assign names, to maybe make all this less confusing. lol
Stepson = John
DIL = Joyce
grandson = Phil
granddaughter = Mary
Christina = employee and apparent paramour
Wendy = one of the cousins. She's 7
Nick = Wendy's brother, and the other cousin. He's 14
Phil and Mary will be living with John and Christina. They are John's 2 youngest children
Wendy and Nick will live with Joyce (apparently) even though they're John's blood. Honestly, I don't know what would happen to Wendy and Nick, if Joyce did not have them. Wendy is a handful, and both the kids have been through a hella lot. They DO have an uncle and aunt, but Wendy was so disruptive to THAT household, that the uncle had asked John and Joyce to take the kids, which they did.
John and Joyce have been trying to get custody of the kids for a couple of years now. I'm not sure the status of that right now. Perhaps they finally got custody, or maybe not. I just don't know. I think Joyce WANTS the kids. She never had children of her own...so considers these kids hers now.
I was thinking on that yesterday, and it occurred to me that if they DO finally have custody, and John and Joyce divorce, I guess he'd have to pay child support. That would be rich.
Are John and Joyce going to get divorced? I don't know.
How is it going to be on the holidays? I don't know.
Will John try and force Christina on us on the holidays? Sigh...probably.
I don't intend to keep stepson's secret.
I have no respect for mothers like her. I bet the kids are out of sight, out of mind too and that she hasn't had much visitation since splitting to be with stepson. She's no role model for your grandson. Neither of them are. His best option is to stay with you
You're right. She is no example for Phil, or for Mary. Mary seems to like Christina very much, but I feel like laying it out for Mary, that anyone that drops their own kids for a man isn't all that, no matter how much she SEEMS like a wonderful caring person.
I'm going to assign names, to maybe make all this less confusing. lol
Stepson = John
DIL = Joyce
grandson = Phil
granddaughter = Mary
Christina = employee and apparent paramour
Wendy = one of the cousins. She's 7
Nick = Wendy's brother, and the other cousin. He's 14
Phil and Mary will be living with John and Christina. They are John's 2 youngest children
Wendy and Nick will live with Joyce (apparently) even though they're John's blood. Honestly, I don't know what would happen to Wendy and Nick, if Joyce did not have them. Wendy is a handful, and both the kids have been through a hella lot. They DO have an uncle and aunt, but Wendy was so disruptive to THAT household, that the uncle had asked John and Joyce to take the kids, which they did.
John and Joyce have been trying to get custody of the kids for a couple of years now. I'm not sure the status of that right now. Perhaps they finally got custody, or maybe not. I just don't know. I think Joyce WANTS the kids. She never had children of her own...so considers these kids hers now.
I was thinking on that yesterday, and it occurred to me that if they DO finally have custody, and John and Joyce divorce, I guess he'd have to pay child support. That would be rich.
Are John and Joyce going to get divorced? I don't know.
How is it going to be on the holidays? I don't know.
Will John try and force Christina on us on the holidays? Sigh...probably.
I don't intend to keep stepson's secret.
I give DIL credit for raising other people's kids.
Holidays can be so hard when theres a divorce. Maybe Christina will wake up and go back to her kids. I have a sister in law that walked away from her son. She just wasn't the type to have kids I guess.
How long have John and Joyce been married? Yes, he probably will have to pay child support
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy
You're right. She is no example for Phil, or for Mary. Mary seems to like Christina very much, but I feel like laying it out for Mary, that anyone that drops their own kids for a man isn't all that, no matter how much she SEEMS like a wonderful caring person.
I just hope that John doesn't end up shaking up with her because the kids don't need to see that either.
How old is your grandson?
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