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Old 10-11-2019, 09:12 PM
 
Location: planet earth
8,620 posts, read 5,621,306 times
Reputation: 19644

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If you sent the letter to the work address, the person may no longer be employed there.

I might check out their FB, friend them, then send a message via Messenger. It couldn't hurt - I would just say: I'm your long lost (whatever) and would love to connect with you
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Old 10-12-2019, 05:47 AM
 
Location: Southern New England
1,551 posts, read 1,147,842 times
Reputation: 6844
Dear -----,

I'm feeling badly bc I have not heard back from you after sending a letter about one month ago. Perhaps you didn't receive it or perhaps it overwhelmed you (in which case, my apologies).


I'm writing again bc just dropping it now will leave the situation so unsettled. Also, I hope this second note to you will better clarify my intentions.


Your parents were important to me and when your father died and my family stopped seeing your family, it bothered me. But as you know, I was still a kid when that happened, so I just followed along.


But now, I am better able to recognize the goodness that your parents brought into my life. (that's why I take pleasure and find solace in caring for your father's grave) I sought you out and wrote to you bc I wanted to express this to you. Expressing it seems to give it a validation of sorts.


If I may ask you- Please, if you are able, send me a picture of your parents? Only if you want to. I would treasure it if you did.


If you ever come states-side, my wife and I would be very happy to have you come to visit us.


If I don't hear back from you, I will figure that you either never received my communications or didn't want to or were not able to reply. I won't know why, but that will just be one of the mysteries of my life, which of course is ok.


Either way, i wish you all the best and hope you know that I have nothing but fond memories of the times I spent with your parents.



Sincerely,
-------




OP-I read this whole thread and thought to myself that if I was in your situation, I would send a second note along the lines of what I wrote above. I think sometimes when we communicate with each other (especially from a distance of both time and space) it's difficult to express the whys and wherefores. So on the off chance that your first note scared your cousin, something like the above verbiage may be better understood.


Even if that is not the case, I'd write again, albeit more briefly this time, bc a heartfelt note from the past deserves better than to just be ignored. (although it's also possible it was never received)


After sending a second note, I would indeed put the whole thing into the "mysteries of life" category. I'd feel satisfied bc I left no stone unturned, done nothing wrong and expressed myself clearly and accurately.


Best wishes.

Last edited by LilyMae521; 10-12-2019 at 06:01 AM..
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Old 10-12-2019, 06:17 AM
 
Location: Arizona
8,247 posts, read 8,599,140 times
Reputation: 27581
Quote:
Originally Posted by LilyMae521 View Post
Dear -----,

I'm feeling badly bc I have not heard back from you after sending a letter about one month ago. Perhaps you didn't receive it or perhaps it overwhelmed you (in which case, my apologies).


I'm writing again bc just dropping it now will leave the situation so unsettled. Also, I hope this second note to you will better clarify my intentions.


Your parents were important to me and when your father died and my family stopped seeing your family, it bothered me. But as you know, I was still a kid when that happened, so I just followed along.


But now, I am better able to recognize the goodness that your parents brought into my life. (that's why I take pleasure and find solace in caring for your father's grave) I sought you out and wrote to you bc I wanted to express this to you. Expressing it seems to give it a validation of sorts.


If I may ask you- Please, if you are able, send me a picture of your parents? Only if you want to. I would treasure it if you did.


If you ever come states-side, my wife and I would be very happy to have you come to visit us.


If I don't hear back from you, I will figure that you either never received my communications or didn't want to or were not able to reply. I won't know why, but that will just be one of the mysteries of my life, which of course is ok.


Either way, i wish you all the best and hope you know that I have nothing but fond memories of the times I spent with your parents.



Sincerely,
-------




OP-I read this whole thread and thought to myself that if I was in your situation, I would send a second note along the lines of what I wrote above. I think sometimes when we communicate with each other (especially from a distance of both time and space) it's difficult to express the whys and wherefores. So on the off chance that your first note scared your cousin, something like the above verbiage may be better understood.


Even if that is not the case, I'd write again, albeit more briefly this time, bc a heartfelt note from the past deserves better than to just be ignored. (although it's also possible it was never received)


After sending a second note, I would indeed put the whole thing into the "mysteries of life" category. I'd feel satisfied bc I left no stone unturned, done nothing wrong and expressed myself clearly and accurately.


Best wishes.
I wouldn't do this. The fact that he wasn't told of the death and the aunt and cousin stopped all contact is certainly a sign that there is more to the story. When you make contact in these situations there is always the possibility you will learn something you are better off not knowing.
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Old 10-12-2019, 08:42 AM
 
Location: Canada
11,770 posts, read 11,988,270 times
Reputation: 30284
Quote:
Originally Posted by charolastra00 View Post
It's also possible that your cousin no longer works at her workplace and never bothered to update LinkedIn because she doesn't use it.


I log into LinkedIn maybe every 6 months and always have a small pile of messages to go through. Nothing out of the ordinary.
This is a very likely scenario. I don't know many people who actively keep up a LinkedIn profile.
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Old 10-12-2019, 11:46 AM
 
296 posts, read 569,182 times
Reputation: 181
Thank You very much for the thoughtful sample letter( thinkalot post) That was very thoughtful!
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Old 10-12-2019, 01:22 PM
 
22,284 posts, read 21,662,335 times
Reputation: 54735
Please leave her alone and let go of the past. There is nothing to be gained by continuing to dwell on it.
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Old 10-12-2019, 04:00 PM
 
Location: The ghetto
17,381 posts, read 8,969,883 times
Reputation: 13278
Quote:
Originally Posted by murph1982 View Post
I have to ask the obvious questions, should I just move on from trying to connect with my cousin? I know deep down I did nothing wrong but I feel she could have at least sent me a reply. I would appreciate any helpful advice you have about this issue. Thank You!
OP, the wording (bolded) seems odd. It sounds to me like you feel you did do something wrong.

Quote:
Originally Posted by murph1982 View Post
I wanted to show my wife and daughters who they were, this was the main reason I was reaching out to her.
Are you still going to strip clubs? And have you gotten your drinking under control?
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Old 10-12-2019, 05:47 PM
 
Location: The ghetto
17,381 posts, read 8,969,883 times
Reputation: 13278
Quote:
Originally Posted by redplum33 View Post
Are you still going to strip clubs? And have you gotten your drinking under control?
Not to sound all preachy, but the reason I asked about strip clubs and drinking is because you don't seem to have your priorities straight. I'd recommend trying to get your act together and focusing on your wife and daughters, and not worrying about a long lost relative that you haven't seen in 44 years.

Focus on the present, not the past.
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Old 10-13-2019, 06:56 AM
 
Location: NJ
23,838 posts, read 33,404,634 times
Reputation: 30707
Quote:
Originally Posted by murph1982 View Post
Hello,
Many years ago back in 1975 I had an Aunt and Uncle who I cared deeply about and were special to me as I was growing up. I was only twelve years old at the time. They had one daughter who was eighteen, my cousin.
Unfortunately my favorite uncle was stricken with brain cancer and passed away within six months. I was very sad at the time but what made matters worse is my Mother decided it was best for me not to attend the funeral when he passed away. I did not even know my uncle had passed away until two months later. He is buried close by and I, with the help of my wife take care of his grave site.
During 1975, my cousin decides to move to Canada with her fiancee and my favorite aunt leaves and goes with the both of them. My family did not know what city they had moved to and unfortunately my cousin and aunt did not keep in touch with us. I was always confused about all of this growing up and even today at the age of 55 I am still confused and somewhat hurt. Why did they avoid keeping in touch with me when they knew I cared about them? My cousin married and of course I did not know her married last name so I did not know where to begin to look for them when I could research on the internet.
Recently, after tending to my uncles grave, my wife suggested trying to reach out and locate my aunt and cousin once again. I looked for obituaries online in the cities of Canada and actually located my aunt. She had passed away in 2009. I was never informed obviously and became sad hearing about her passing.
I was able to see my cousins last name after reading the obituary and decided to reach out to her. My wife thought it was a good idea too.
I wrote a hand written letter, four pages long to my cousin about how I felt about my uncle and aunt and congratulated her on having grandchildren and even enclosed pictures of my wife and i and our children.
(I gave my cousin my e-mail address, home address and my cell phone number.) I wrote this letter over a month ago and even tried to reach out to her on the linked in career site. For some unknown reason to me, my cousin has not replied to any of my messages or the hand written letter I sent to her. I even mentioned how we take care of her fathers grave but that did not even get a response. (My aunt was buried in Canada.) I am surprised, disappointed and hurt by this occurring and have a hard time dealing with it for some reason. I have to ask the obvious questions, should I just move on from trying to connect with my cousin? I know deep down I did nothing wrong but I feel she could have at least sent me a reply. I would appreciate any helpful advice you have about this issue. Thank You!
Honestly, you'd be better off getting an Ancestry DNA test the next time they go on sale for $59. You can then see what relatives you share DNA with and make a family tree. I'm having some great conversations with my grandmothers sisters grand kids. Neither of them knew their grandmothers maiden name because she lied because she had a son out of wedlock. I was able to fill them in on her real maiden name and her parents names. Back then 1920, having a kid as a single parent was very frowned upon. My cousin (son of the single parent child) has ordered his dads birth certificate to hopefully see if it says illegitimate like I think it does. When she came here a year after his birth she was single. My cousin knows nothing of our relatives in Hungary and is very interested to learn more. My mother was actually named after their grandmother.

My 2 cousins even uploaded their DNA to My Heritage which gives free family matching. We're able to find more cousins related thru our grandmothers. It's pretty cool. If you're interested let me know, I have directions in the Family tree and DNA general instructions thread.

There is another cousin who isn't doing DNA, we're FB friends. She looked at my pics and remembered my dad. I then sent old pics of my mother and aunt, she remembers when my mother lived with her grandmother (my mother came here in the late 50's) and my mother used to baby sit her

Last edited by Roselvr; 10-13-2019 at 07:18 AM..
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Old 10-15-2019, 04:31 AM
 
296 posts, read 569,182 times
Reputation: 181
I regret to say this but I am done with this message board. Very sad to see how mean and disrespectful people can be on this site. Just a small percentage of people who enjoy being miserable ruin eveything on this message board. Hard to believe someone would look up older messages and attack me personally on this site. I guess some people have a lot of idle time on their hand. I will never start a new thread on here ever again. Very sad because this is a great informative site.
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