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...My family and friends keep making comments about how great my new house is and how if I meet a guy, and we get engaged that he can move into my house....
Forget that! Only get involved with a guy who has a mansion.
OP, this paragraph seems to be the crux of the problem:
Quote:
I keep old Halloween costumes. I know the moment I throw them away, I'll get invited to a party. I keep old curtains curtains are expensive. I keep water tunes for pool days at a friend's house. I keep light bulbs, extra cleaning supplies, excess beauty supplies, belts, hats, scarfs, extra cords, power straps, plugs, old trophies, decor for fall, Xmas, and summer, the list goes on.
You don't need old Halloween costumes. You truly don't. If you think you do, choose ONE to keep, give the rest to Goodwill. Curtains: look around your house. Do you have all the drapery you need, already? Then why are you storing old drapery? Yes, I understand that it's expensive, but if you already have all you need currently on your windows, you don't need the extra. Get rid of it. Goodwill. You seem to be hanging onto it out of a sense of economic safety, but you don't need it. People usually buy drapes once, and are done for life, unless they move 20 years later. It's a one-time expense for most people. You don't need drapes you're not using.
You don't need extra electrical items, nor do you need old trophies. What does "decor for fall, and summer" even mean? Who decorates for fall or for summer? You almost seem to look for reasons to buy things and keep them. Get rid of it. Keep a small amount of Xmas decor. That's normal.
I understand about needing a couple of different sizes of clothes. Maybe the thing to do there, is to look at the root cause of your size changing, and do something about it, so you can commit to one size. Do you do emotional eating? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm seeing a pattern between emotional eating, and emotional buying and storing. Did you have a stressful childhood in any way?Quarreling or divorced parents, or trauma of some sort? If so, consider therapy. Not "talk therapy", but emotional/trauma-healing therapy. The difference between the one and the other is like night and day.
Do you do bulk buying of things, because "it's cheaper"? It's not cheaper, if your supply builds up to where you don't have room to store it, and you're not consuming it, before buying more. Having a few spare lightbulbs is normal. A boxful, or two? Not so much. For some people, bulk buying comes from a scarcity mentality; you think you don't have enough money to pay full price for a couple of lightbulbs as you need them, so in your mind, you justify buying more than you need. It's all in your head, OP. We can get hooked on the idea of getting a bargain, but when you have a house overflowing with "bargains" that you're saving "just in case", it's excessive, and has taken you into Obsessive-Compulsive territory. That can sneak up on you, until you're acquiring and storing stuff almost irrationally. I said, "almost". It makes sense to you, but from a bigger-picture perspective, it doesn't.
Be honest with yourself, as you assess what you need and what you only think you need. Try to observe your mind and emotions at work, as you go through the list. Is there something driving you to hang onto everything? Does clinging to all these things help you feel safer, or help you feel loved and taken care of? What's really behind all this?
Good luck, OP. Noticing there might be something unusual, and reaching out about it is a good first step. Build on that.
Don't let anyone move into your house. If you get married at some point you buy a bigger house as a couple.
I agree with that. Or at least find a bf that is buying his own house. Then one can be used as a rental. Or one can buy a weekend house if they are close to an area they would like to spend weekends at. That's what some of my cohabitating friends did. At some point both people selling their homes and buying one together may make sense, like if they are going to have children and they've had a harmonious relationship. Some people are so excited and eager that they don't think to protect themselves.
I recently bought a new home. Its three bedrooms and I love it. I was previously living in a one bedroom apartment and had small storage unit for extra stuff like Xmas decorations, etc..my apartment had a bigger kitchen, deep linen closet, coat closet, and big bedroom closet.
My family and friends keep making comments about how great my new house is and how if I meet a guy, and we get engaged that he can move into my house.
I love the thought of it, and would like that too, but then I look around and panic, because my new house is stuffed. Like really stuffed with my things. I can't believe I had all this in my apartment.
I have one bedroom. It has a small closet. Its packed with clothes and shoes. I have two dressers that are packed with clothes and a chest thats packed with extra sheets and blankets.
My guest bedroom has a large closet thats stuffed with dresses. My third bedroom has a small closet thats stuffed with clothes. Then I have two tucker boxes full of clothes. I have plastic bins full of hats and accessories. I have a linen closet thats stuffed. My kitchen cabinets are stuffed. Under the sink in my bathroom is stuffed. I have a kitchen closet thats packed. I have a coat closet thats full. And another random closet thats starting to fill up. I have a partially finished basement that has some wall shelving thats filled with decor boxes and seasonal things. My unfinished basement is getting full of lawn care, tools, etc.
I freak out looking around that I have way too much stuff for one person in a home and how could anyone move in when there is no room for them. I've gone through and gotten rid of old stuff, but its never making a dent. I have a desk thats full, a desk cart-full, a hutch- full. I keep old Halloween costumes. I know the moment I throw them away, I'll get invited to a party. I keep old curtains curtains are expensive. I keep water tunes for pool days at a friend's house. I keep light bulbs, extra cleaning supplies, excess beauty supplies, belts, hats, scarfs, extra cords, power straps, plugs, old trophies, decor for fall, Xmas, and summer, the list goes on.
My apartment was getting full, but I never expected a three bedroom house to be? Now I feel self conscious if a guy moves with me in the future. I laugh that he can put his stuff in the basement, but truly I can't even give him a drawer.
Any insight or advice? Should I feel that anxiety? Should I de-clutter more?
As an adult male I would think A: this woman has issues. B: This woman cannot control her spending habits. C: Freaking RUN!!!!!
Don't let anyone move into your house. If you get married at some point you buy a bigger house as a couple.
This crossed my mind as I was reading the OP, too.
OP, there are guys out there, who would take advantage of someone like you, someone so willing to have a love interest move in. I know, because I've been warned about this danger by other guys, random guys, like well-meaning neighborhood repair men and the like.
There are some red flags in your OP, or yellow flags. I think there are deeper issues at play.
I agree with that. Or at least find a bf that is buying his own house. Then one can be used as a rental. Or one can buy a weekend house if they are close to an area they would like to spend weekends at. That's what some of my cohabitating friends did. At some point both people selling their homes and buying one together may make sense, like if they are going to have children and they've had a harmonious relationship. Some people are so excited and eager that they don't think to protect themselves.
AND, OP, if you were ever to combine assets and buy a bigger house together, it would not be for you to expand your stuff into! It would be for him to have room for his stuff!
This crossed my mind as I was reading the OP, too.
OP, there are guys out there, who would take advantage of someone like you, someone so willing to have a love interest move in. I know, because I've been warned about this danger by other guys, random guys, like well-meaning neighborhood repair men and the like.
There are some red flags in your OP, or yellow flags. I think there are deeper issues at play.
I agree. If ahe has enough stuff to fill up a house most of which is never used there's a problem. My ex is an EX for a good reason. Poor decision making.
Congratulations on the purchase of a home. Awesome. And from your post it would seem that you have plenty of extra cash to spend on clothes and other items. I am thinking you must have a nice income for your lifestyle. Something that I would look at is how much are you putting toward your retirement? How much are you saving for future healthcare needs when you age. I have read reports saying that retirees can burn thru $250,000 or more in health related old age expenses, on top of retirement needs.
Of course the time to build those savings is now when you are making money. If you are not already you may want to direct 10% as a minimum of your income toward retirement savings and maybe another 5% toward healthcare savings.
Now the real deal. A man is not an accessory. Why would anyone that has accomplished what you have accomplished want to find a man to check off the correct homeowner box, just because others have one. My advice would be to find someone equally as accomplished as you are. You want someone that has done at least what you have done. Something that I see in healthcare is the many RN's that buy a home and find some guy to live with them in it. These ladies are working all kinds of hours and many times the guy is working less and bringing in a lot less, if they work at all. Many of these guys call it finding a Nurse with a Purse. I might be old school but I don't see this as something good for the relationship.
I suspect you are a borderline hoarder. Like hoarders tend to do, you have reasons for keeping so many clothes stored away. You say you fluctuate is size—well, I can relate to that. But I imagine that at least some of the stored clothes are out of style. You might not really want to wear them now.
One if the behaviors hoarders have is thinking that they might have a use later for something they choose to keep. You are thinking this way about old Halloween costumes and old draperies. I like the idea of getting rid of all but one costume, and donating the drapes.
If the idea of doing this makes you feel anxious, then I think you have a problem with your stuff. If you can get rid of the drapes and costumes with little difficulty, the you probably don’t. But this is only a guess by a poster in an online forum.
I also wonder why you need to own so many clothes. Even with gaining and losing weight, your clothing stash seems extreme. And you must suspect the same, because you posted about it.
Do you have a large stash of bags and shoes, as well?
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