Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My friends have always been very important to me. Friendship needs to be nurtured like a plant or it dies. We help each other, have fun together and can count on one another. I have lived in 5 states and have always had strong friendships. If you only have your spouse and then they die you will be in a world of hurt.
Real and deep friendships are one of the best reasons to even be alive, they are fantastically rewarding. My best friendships fizzled out and/or moved away, but I have had several in my lifetime that spanned 25 years or more. Just post divorce and having moved right before the pandemic hit, I was planning on building a new social life and several new friendships were in my plans and hopes. This isolation has been horrible, but I'm suffering through. Soon I will put my plan into action when I am fully vaccinated. If you've never had very rewarding friendships, you can't understand what you've never had, but you sure can understand the lack of, if you've had it before. I have online friendships with a fair amount of depth, but I'm very much looking forward to face to face again.
Very easy, find a hobby that doesn't require friends.
True, but ha, for the 1st split second, I read it as, "Find a HUBBY that doesn't require friends" which is actually true too, ha!
If one has no/hardly any friends or not much of a social life & they can find a spouse/life partner who doesn't have that or care about that either, the 2 of them can have a blast together...like my fiance' & I!
I don’t understand what you are saying. I don’t think there is anything wrong with expecting someone to act like a friend if they claim they are your friend. A friendship is a type of relationship and all relationships take work to maintain. What’s wrong with expecting someone to check in with you once in a while ? What’s a friendship without communication?
You mentioned when you check in with them you have nothing to talk about. Maybe that is why they don't check in with you. I find that email communication is a bit easier to maintain. Social media is really an abbreviated contact. A like or a few words for the most part. Telephone contact needs to be mutually enjoyable and entertaining or it dries up. I have one telephone friend, retired like me, who I talk to maybe once a month or so. I have to call, he never calls me. But the exchange is enjoyable and entertaining so I do it. I have another telephone friend that I talk to about once a week. Usually he initiates the contact though I will call once in a while. Those conversations are mostly about memories of when we worked together for several decades, also some catch up on how we and our families are doing, anything noteworthy, etc. I have a cousin who used to use the library computer to email me a few times a month, but since the library is closed due to covid we use snail mail about once a month or so. The letters are general catch ups, what's going on, etc. We talk on the phone a couple of times a year. Another cousin stays in touch with facebook messenger once every couple of months, with a phone call about once a year. I have two other retired friends I keep up with maybe once a month or so, one by email, one by phone. The first one and I create video covers of songs together over the internet and post them on youtube a couple of times a year. Being retired, my group of friends shrunk. A lot of friendships are situational. You are students or employees together, so there's lots in common. These are "foxhole buddies". Once the connection is broken by leaving school or work or relocation, they usually don't survive. Others are family members you have known for years. Some choose to stay in touch, some don't. I don't let politics or other considerations affect my friendships. If they are willing to maintain any level of communication, so am I. As far as what friendship is, I think it's a mutually advantageous relationship. Both parties have to bring something to the table.
I think a lot of people consider acquaintances "friends" and then are disappointed when they turn out not to be true friends, but merely acquaintances. I know some people with whom I share some hobbies, and we enjoy each others company when we do them, but it doesn't go far beyond that, and I'm fine with it. It is what it is!
I think a lot of people consider acquaintances "friends" and then are disappointed when they turn out not to be true friends, but merely acquaintances. I know some people with whom I share some hobbies, and we enjoy each others company when we do them, but it doesn't go far beyond that, and I'm fine with it. It is what it is!
Exactly. That's the kind of friends we have and you know what? We are OK with it. In fact, I think I prefer it now because there are no expectations. We are "there" for each other (condo neighbors) and do stuff together, but there is no heart-to-heart type of stuff. It is actually quite comfortable.
I'll just have to pay someone to be a listening counselor, lol.
I've found it's nearly impossible to make new friends once you're over about 30. People's lives revolve around their kids (I'm not talking about normal parenting duties). They spend every spare minute chauffeuring them from one activity to another and in general cater to them. People also tend to just move back to their hometown and hang out with their high school friends. Unless you are friends with coworkers (which can be risky), can find meetup groups, or hang out at bars your options are virtually nil.
Status:
"A solution in search of a problem"
(set 14 days ago)
Location: New York Area
34,454 posts, read 16,551,453 times
Reputation: 29637
I've had similar events
Quote:
Originally Posted by NDak15
I've found it's nearly impossible to make new friends once you're over about 30. People's lives revolve around their kids (I'm not talking about normal parenting duties). They spend every spare minute chauffeuring them from one activity to another and in general cater to them. People also tend to just move back to their hometown and hang out with their high school friends. Unless you are friends with coworkers (which can be risky), can find meetup groups, or hang out at bars your options are virtually nil.
One of my work colleagues who I've been with since 1990 once commented that friendships are rarer and rarer as we entered our thirties and 40's. He was 42 when he made the remark, I was 48. The context of the conversation was when I suggested lunch, and he proceeded to circle the office for lunch companions, not including me.
Status:
"A solution in search of a problem"
(set 14 days ago)
Location: New York Area
34,454 posts, read 16,551,453 times
Reputation: 29637
Another aspect of the friendship problem
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cida
You were doing exactly the right thing, trying to connect. Sorry it didn't work out. But you're right - a lot of people are really lazy.
However, now isn't the best time to be searching. Wait until we're past covid. You might also want to try starting your own MeetUp group, or seeing if there is something specifically in your neighborhood.
The pandemic presents another aspect of the problem. The busy-ness of everyday work and home life has always created a situation where, during the prime years of a person's life, friendship was a scarce commodity. Some friendships did linger from high school or college years or developed in business, religious, athletic or civic contexts.
The pandemic brought a screeching halt to the development of new friendships that weren't "virtual" since many states defined as illegal a "gathering" of any unrelated people, other then for "essential" purposes. Contacts from evolved friendships from the past. or from business, religious, athletic or civic contexts have slowly but surely frayed. Even when during the brief summer thaw in Covid restrictions, casual lunches or dinners, in my experience, were tense. People became visibly nervous when masks had to come off to eat, or play tennis, even outdoors. The phone calls and emails that were common at the beginning, say last March or April, fell off. Normally, before the pandemic, one might use such calls to set up social plans. With entertainment and restaurant venues closed or severely restricted, could one say "let's meet a the bench on 57th Street and 5th Avenue, maybe grab a takeout coffee, sit six feet apart and say hello to each other"? Zoom meetings among friends quickly got old.
Will things pick up where they left off when society really reopens, say in 2023 or 2024? Who know?
Last edited by jbgusa; 04-12-2021 at 07:09 AM..
Reason: Add title
I have noticed that many people only consider you a friend when they need something from you. Very few people hit there friends up just to chat and catch up. I almost never hear from my friends unless they comment on something I post on Facebook or Instagram. They almost never text me or message me. Yes, sometimes I hit them up just to see what’s going on but most of the time it seems like we just don’t have much in common to talk about. I have grown tired of trying to make new friends through meetups or other social venues. Any of you in my situation ?
Learn to differentiate between a friend and an acquaintance.
You'll have hundreds of acquaintances in life. You'll get a much smaller number of real friends.
But, gotta say it, your note comes off as passive. Friends require steady cultivation, not just the occasional 'sup by text. It's sending an e-mail linking to something with a note that says, "Hey, I saw this and thought of you." Or remembering a birthday. Or whatever.
The first thing you need to have is something, anything in common. So find groups of people where you share a common interest. Even in those groups there will be those with whom you click and those with whom you don't.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've had similar events
