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I know you've already contacted her that you won't be there but I'm surprised nobody brought up the pandemic as a reason you wouldn't be there. Like several other reasons, even if you're not going along with the COVID recommendations, she doesn't know you're staying away from crowds, etc.
I know you've already contacted her that you won't be there but I'm surprised nobody brought up the pandemic as a reason you wouldn't be there. Like several other reasons, even if you're not going along with the COVID recommendations, she doesn't know you're staying away from crowds, etc.
Well, that is another reason why I'm not going. She's anti-mask and believes the virus is a hoax. I have chronic illness and try to avoid people like that. She knows that. I did say, "I don't want to get sick." She kept pushing.
How/why is this so complicated? This person sounds like she could just be another somewhat isolated/lonely person who reached out regarding her birthday. I saw nothing sinister--at least until your last post about her.
What was the connection with her to begin with?
A simple "I have no transpo" would have been the simple truth, and 100% complete of an answer.
But I don't see the need to whip-saw not and dredge up her political beliefs and say your gonna block her, etc.
How/why is this so complicated? This person sounds like she could just be another somewhat isolated/lonely person who reached out regarding her birthday. I saw nothing sinister--at least until your last post about her.
What was the connection with her to begin with?
A simple "I have no transpo" would have been the simple truth, and 100% complete of an answer.
But I don't see the need to whip-saw not and dredge up her political beliefs and say your gonna block her, etc.
That's how I ended it.
I don't know her in real life. We both collect bears and I found her page through another bear collector. We never met in person before.
I wasn't trying to be sinister; I had three acute bronchitis cases in 2019 that hampered my ability to breathe; I also had another case in January 2020. I can't risk getting sick like that because when I can't breathe, I panic. I did get the first dose of Moderna and I get the second one on 15 May. I'm still going to be careful. However, if someone is vocally anti-mask, I will be keeping my distance. I don't want to get sick.
I don't know her in real life. We both collect bears and I found her page through another bear collector. We never met in person before.
I wasn't trying to be sinister; I had three acute bronchitis cases in 2019 that hampered my ability to breathe; I also had another case in January 2020. I can't risk getting sick like that because when I can't breathe, I panic. I did get the first dose of Moderna and I get the second one on 15 May. I'm still going to be careful. However, if someone is vocally anti-mask, I will be keeping my distance. I don't want to get sick.
I meant her...nothing she did seemed sinister. I understand the health issues and respect for boundaries that you brought up later on, though.
I just texted her and she said, "Aww, darn. Could you get anyone else?" I replied, "None of my friends own cars. I can't make it, sorry."
Now she's offering to pick me up. I replied, "It's okay. I don't want you to come out of your way. I hope you have a great birthday."
Everyone is right... I don't know her personally and I shouldn't feel bad. This is just a lot of money for someone I don't know.
Just like a few have mentioned, if you make up reasons she may offer solutions. You should have just went with something like "Unfortunately I'm not going to be able to make it. Have a wonderful party! Happy birthday!"
You should have told her exactly what you said in your OP. "Plans have changed." Maybe add in a "Sorry that I won't be able to make it, but I wish you a very happy birthday and hope you have fun!"
Done.
All of this extra junk about transportation and health history and meet-ups or no meet-ups or political views is not important. You might want to think about why this was such a difficult decision for you and see if there are resources that can help you develop your confidence and establish healthy boundaries.
You should have told her exactly what you said in your OP. "Plans have changed." Maybe add in a "Sorry that I won't be able to make it, but I wish you a very happy birthday and hope you have fun!"
Done.
All of this extra junk about transportation and health history and meet-ups or no meet-ups or political views is not important. You might want to think about why this was such a difficult decision for you and see if there are resources that can help you develop your confidence and establish healthy boundaries.
And maybe don't make random insta friends.
I don't like disappointing people. I grew up in a narcissistic household and blind obedience was key. If you turned something down, there would be hell to pay.
I'm learning how to say "no" and set healthy boundaries, but there are days where it's still difficult for me. I did tell her I wasn't going to be there and I didn't go into health history or any of that. It's none of her business. I would also never call out someone's political affiliation - I don't care who someone votes for. I only care about the character of the person, which again, I wouldn't say that as to why I couldn't attend. Again, not the other person's business. I simply said, I can't attend.
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