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View Poll Results: Have you been in a step-family household?
I have never been in a step-family household 6 40.00%
I was raised in a step-family household 5 33.33%
I currently have a step-family household of my own 3 20.00%
I am soon to be in a step-family household 1 6.67%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 15. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 05-18-2008, 05:57 PM
 
Location: USA
1,244 posts, read 2,877,844 times
Reputation: 795

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Roselvr View Post
Wow, that is going to be tough. How did you decide who is sharing a room?
Well the way the house is set up right now there are 3 bedrooms, there is an open office/den and a door that leads into another room that is a converted garage (standard room sizes both maybe a little bigger than standard).

His son currently has one of the rooms, his two little girls share the other room (which is a large room so they'll grow in it well) and then my fiance has the master.

We will be kinda remodeling a bit next weekend, putting up a wall, opening door ways on the other part of the wall, basically so that the office/den room and the converted room both have doors to enter through the dinning/living room area. This will basically be adding 2 bedrooms to the house and give both my kids their own room as well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roselvr View Post
If you have texting on your phone you might try to text her just to let her know you are still there. I don't doubt she's adjusting to the new situation and probably feels weird calling you 1st.
Well she's had 3 years of adjusting but could be. I think its more just an age thing. I know how I have to get on my kids to call their grandmother. LOL. When her dad and I divorced, I relocated to where I am now and she came down to spend 10 days with me. This was after the change. We've talked a couple of times but mainly has been in person when she has been with her dad as we are exchanging the kids for or after visitations. I just recently saw her when I gave her the wedding album of her mom and dad's wedding. She had made me promise to keep it for her until she turned 18 because her mom had thrown all hers out and she wasn't sure what her dad would do with them. So I did. I preserved it until she turned 18 and back in Jan. called her and hand delivered it to her. She was grateful and we talked for a bit.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roselvr View Post
I can tell stories about my experience. I welcomed my SS into our home, it was his childhood home but he'd already moved out when I came along. When he came to visit he seemed fine. At one time he had to move back and was not in sync with the 4 of us which ended up causing problems.

We had routines, laundry, showers; he just did what he wanted, when he wanted. Same thing with the phone, we stopped taking calls at 7:30, people called for him some times after 10pm. My hubby is a truck driver and goes to sleep any where from 8 to 10.
Guess this is the part that concerns me the most at this point, yet not too much either. But its that whole establishing routines and stuff. The little girls are easy. Its the teens I'm more concerned with. His son is used to certain things and my kids are used to certain things. There is going to have to be compromises and some changes that take place for both sides and I'm just hoping that goes down smoothly. I don't want his son feeling like all of a sudden this or that is happening because I moved in, and there are certain things that I don't want my kids not doing simply because we moved in there. But my fiance and I have been discussing these things and plan to come up with a set of rules, chores, etc. that will be fair to both sides and expected of both sides equally.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roselvr View Post
If one child has been living in the house you will be in, another child of the same age may want to hang with that one and their friends; if they have nothing in common, that will be hard.
The three teens are... his son 15, my son 19 and my daughter 15. His friends are very different than my daughter's friends. Though she has met some of his friends thus far and it has been fine. Sure she will be making her own once she settles in and being they are boy and girl, different interests, I think this will be okay. My son and him get a long and have similar interests but there is an age difference there that will basically create their individual spaces.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roselvr View Post
If you want them to call you something get it going asap. My daughter wishes she started calling my hubby dad and at 15 feels weird doing it. Time flies.
It's not so much a want as it is a would be nice. I guess I see it as even mere acquaintences call me by my first name. Having special terms is just a way to deferentiate the relationship but it is also not a big deal. They have been calling me by my first name up to now and it's fine. If it happens it happens, if it doesn't thats okay too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roselvr View Post
Also take into consideration who will deal with what child and when. Say that you are home and his child is supposed to vac and stays in their room all day doing nothing. Will you say something to them during the day or will you tell your hubby and have him speak to the kid?
Well I am pretty sure we are on the same page with this. If he has to say something to my kids, whether I am around or not, he will and my kids know that and that I expect them to respect him. Not to mention he's earned that too. Same with his kids. If he is not around or even when he is, and I have had to say something to his kids, I do. So far no issues with it. We do make sure to let each other know whent that occurs. Just regular parenting. Neither one of us really see each other's kids and his or mine. We see it as we are raising these children together. For all intense purposes, while at home they are our kids. With all due respect to their other parent of course. I am not nor will try to replace their mother. He is not nor will try to replace their father.



As for it being tough. His disposition and mine tend to work really well together. We joke around a lot and communication, laughter and working as a team is a lot of what we believe in and do. One of the things we laugh about is saying stuff like...

"Life is going to be interesting" or "This is going to be so much fun"

I don't know sometimes who gives us the biggest giggles. The little girls or our 3 teenagers. LOL.
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Old 05-18-2008, 06:00 PM
 
Location: USA
1,244 posts, read 2,877,844 times
Reputation: 795
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
God and all powers help ya... You have to be a saint!
LOL... Ohhhhh far from a saint. But thanks. My fiance just says I'm awesome. He is pretty darn awesome himself. So we are both really excited about what the future holds for us.

One thing we are hoping it doesn't hold.... another kid. We've decided we have enough with what we got.
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Old 05-18-2008, 06:27 PM
 
Location: NJ
10,627 posts, read 21,296,453 times
Reputation: 8715
Quote:
Originally Posted by mari4him View Post
Well she's had 3 years of adjusting but could be. I think its more just an age thing. I know how I have to get on my kids to call their grandmother. LOL. When her dad and I divorced, I relocated to where I am now and she came down to spend 10 days with me. This was after the change. We've talked a couple of times but mainly has been in person when she has been with her dad as we are exchanging the kids for or after visitations. I just recently saw her when I gave her the wedding album of her mom and dad's wedding. She had made me promise to keep it for her until she turned 18 because her mom had thrown all hers out and she wasn't sure what her dad would do with them. So I did. I preserved it until she turned 18 and back in Jan. called her and hand delivered it to her. She was grateful and we talked for a bit.
Since it's been that long it is what it is. Kids can be bad with the phone that much I know. lol

Quote:
Originally Posted by mari4him View Post
Guess this is the part that concerns me the most at this point, yet not too much either. But its that whole establishing routines and stuff. The little girls are easy. Its the teens I'm more concerned with. His son is used to certain things and my kids are used to certain things. There is going to have to be compromises and some changes that take place for both sides and I'm just hoping that goes down smoothly. I don't want his son feeling like all of a sudden this or that is happening because I moved in, and there are certain things that I don't want my kids not doing simply because we moved in there. But my fiance and I have been discussing these things and plan to come up with a set of rules, chores, etc. that will be fair to both sides and expected of both sides equally.
I had a post typed out, then moved my hand and my finger hit the shift ket and I lost it all, I tried to rebuild it but didn'y say everything I'd said the 1st time.

For you, it may be easier but it may not be, it all depends on the teens and I don't doubt in the beginning everyone will be fine but after living like that, people get comfortable and make it known how they feel.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mari4him View Post
The three teens are... his son 15, my son 19 and my daughter 15. His friends are very different than my daughter's friends. Though she has met some of his friends thus far and it has been fine. Sure she will be making her own once she settles in and being they are boy and girl, different interests, I think this will be okay. My son and him get a long and have similar interests but there is an age difference there that will basically create their individual spaces.
My SS didn't really have many friends when he came back so he tried hanging with my son with that big age gap. My son is polite & didn't say anything, but at times it did bother him. The hardest was when my SS "mocked" my sons friends.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mari4him View Post
Well I am pretty sure we are on the same page with this. If he has to say something to my kids, whether I am around or not, he will and my kids know that and that I expect them to respect him. Not to mention he's earned that too. Same with his kids. If he is not around or even when he is, and I have had to say something to his kids, I do. So far no issues with it. We do make sure to let each other know whent that occurs. Just regular parenting. Neither one of us really see each other's kids and his or mine. We see it as we are raising these children together. For all intense purposes, while at home they are our kids. With all due respect to their other parent of course. I am not nor will try to replace their mother. He is not nor will try to replace their father.
At some point you might have a kid with an attitude, and that attitude can make you keep quiet and let the spouse deal with it. It can be hard when you're talking about older kids. Even though you know you are not trying to replace their mother, if they start liking you or loving you, they could feel like they are "going against" their mother & pull away. My daughter has some issues, she feels hurt that her father doesn't take an interest in her like her SF does and she pushes my hubby away.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mari4him View Post
As for it being tough. His disposition and mine tend to work really well together. We joke around a lot and communication, laughter and working as a team is a lot of what we believe in and do. One of the things we laugh about is saying stuff like...

"Life is going to be interesting" or "This is going to be so much fun"
My hubby & I have always been very compatable & got along great, but even that didn't help us during some times. I understand that it was his son and I was his wife and some days he felt like he was in the middle or if he & I were stressed the kid added to it by talking about me, throwing fuel to the fire so to speak. Even an innocent email I sent his son after my hubby had an accident got turned around into something it wasn't. I had a long post typed out back then (Nov) but never posted it.
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