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Old 05-19-2008, 11:38 AM
 
Location: Way up high
14,131 posts, read 20,909,788 times
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With all these replies, no wonder why all my friends are guys.
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Old 05-19-2008, 02:39 PM
 
Location: FL
1,943 posts, read 7,791,417 times
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Default Wasn't this to post about friendships lost- not to talk about other posters stories?

So I am going to post my own.

I lost a friend who I was friends with for about 8 years. We too did a lot of stuff together, and were partying buddies. We looked out for each other, and were still great friends after the partying heavy stopped (I lived with a fiance and had 2 kids).

When my second child was about 2, my friend became his sitter while I was in college. I paid her. It was in my house.

Anyway, she came in a little hungover when I had to leave. Not drunk, but a little hungover and I've known her for so long, I thought, fine...I've been hungover with the children before. So I go to college.

When I was done I got home and realized I didn't have my key. So I knock on the door, with no answer...but I see the car and I hear Bruce Springsteen coming from in the house, so I know they're home. I keep knocking, pretty soon I'm banging...and then I'm kicking and yelling....no answer. My dog's barking the whole time.

I forget now how I got in...but I did. The music was coming from upstairs in my son's room.

I go up the steps and peek into the bedroom. There she is, asleep on the floor and my son is awake in his crib. All I smell is crap, so he has a crappy diaper. Plus, it was about an hour before he was supposed to be put down for a nap...which means he ate lunch very early...and then there was the music.

I couldn't believe that she was asleep...and it was apparent she probably just dropped him in the crib and crashed without waiting to see if he was sleeping yet, because he was wide awake.

It took a while to wake her up, and I was f u m i n g. I basically was saying it was passed out: could you imagine if she did this at a daycare? After all, I was paying her for it ($125 a week). She started argueing back with me that she wasn't passed out, he must have just woke up (what???? It's too early for him to go down let alone just wake up!!!!)....didn't have anything to say about the loud music and how all of the knocking, banging, screaming and dog barking didn't wake her up from her "regular" sleep...he must have just pooped now in the diaper...whatever.

I was so made...I felt betrayed, I felt that she was very irresponsible and something could have happened to my child...and then I started wondering maybe she wasn't hungover (headache, not feeling good would have been normal), but maybe she was still drunk...and to not let me know that and still watch my child...I couldn't even look at her.

All those years together...this was the first fight. I would have cooled it down after some time, if I received an apology, but I didn't. She thought she was in the right. SO I haven't talked to her since
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Old 05-19-2008, 03:40 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 48,451,404 times
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Absolutely agree. People that are immature block off those that can provide. They miss out. I think they realize and regret when they get older and mature.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
As some of you already know, there has been a great distance between my son and myself since he married 10 years ago. It has taken it's toll, as my M.S. has grown worse. I try not to think about it, and try to understand her side of it, to keep from disliking her...I know she had a very bad and deplorable childhood...I also know, that due to the horrible situation she grew up under, she had to learn to turn off her feelings...but I feel so badly for her and for my son. She doesn't have a clue, nor does she even begin to understand or care about the years of pain she has caused.

This past weekend, my sister made a comment which was incredibly comforting....she told me my DIL has missed out on a lot, just because she is immature and selfish...I didn't understand what she meant...but she finished in saying..."She missed out on having the friend in you that I and others have". Whew, I almost broke up. Years ago, she also told me, along with a few other close friends that she hoped and prayed, that my DIL wouldn't be so vindicating as to use my grand daughter to hurt me. She has.

It seems that anyone who trys to break down the wall she puts up between outsiders and her husband and daughter, are more then unwelcome.

Most of all, I miss my friend...my son and I along with his friends, were very close.

I am not saying this for sympathy...but more so, just to vent. The past 10 years has surely taken it's toll on my health.

I have tried and tried and tried only to be rejected, and now even by my son. I realize it's what he has to do...I just cannot believe he has convinced himself, that I am to blame, and that I am no good.

Even worse, I cannot believe his wife could be so cruel....so much more concerned with results rather then the feelings of others.

In this whole entire past year, regardless of our feelings with one another, there has been no pictures or calls from my grand daughter.

Now before everyone gets up in arms against my DIL, lets try and remember, she is Narcississtic. I don't believe she is able to understand normal behavior, and I do believe now, from the very beginning, she feared that I wouldn't like her to she set out to sabotage the relationship right from the get go, and turn the friendship between my son and myself into something non existent. This I do know, she from the beginning, has tried to turn him against me. And the worst part is, not only does he believe her, but he has convinced himself, that I am a bad person.

Again, I try very hard, to carry on, to forgetabout it and function....but...unfortunately, you cannot subconsciously stop grieving....try as you may....and it is most assuridly a negative force which takes it's toll on your health.

Sorry for writing such a downer today....but all I was able to do yesterday all day and last night was sleep. When you have MS, sometimes that's all you can do, as you do become weak and tired. Also, the equilibrium problem has seemed to surface again.

It is sad, how one person can effect the lives of so many others in such a negative way? Why, for what? Is it really worth it? Is she really happy inside that she has accomplished her goal?

God, I wouldn't want to be like her for all the amount of money in the world.

The only reason I tried harder then ever before in my life was for his sake, for my son. Trying only brought more rejection....and now from him to? This whole situation has made me so angry...so angry that I don't like who I've become.



Creme
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Old 05-20-2008, 05:45 AM
 
26,366 posts, read 24,547,211 times
Reputation: 16040
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrshvo View Post
So I am going to post my own.

I lost a friend who I was friends with for about 8 years. We too did a lot of stuff together, and were partying buddies. We looked out for each other, and were still great friends after the partying heavy stopped (I lived with a fiance and had 2 kids).

When my second child was about 2, my friend became his sitter while I was in college. I paid her. It was in my house.

Anyway, she came in a little hungover when I had to leave. Not drunk, but a little hungover and I've known her for so long, I thought, fine...I've been hungover with the children before. So I go to college.

When I was done I got home and realized I didn't have my key. So I knock on the door, with no answer...but I see the car and I hear Bruce Springsteen coming from in the house, so I know they're home. I keep knocking, pretty soon I'm banging...and then I'm kicking and yelling....no answer. My dog's barking the whole time.

I forget now how I got in...but I did. The music was coming from upstairs in my son's room.

I go up the steps and peek into the bedroom. There she is, asleep on the floor and my son is awake in his crib. All I smell is crap, so he has a crappy diaper. Plus, it was about an hour before he was supposed to be put down for a nap...which means he ate lunch very early...and then there was the music.

I couldn't believe that she was asleep...and it was apparent she probably just dropped him in the crib and crashed without waiting to see if he was sleeping yet, because he was wide awake.

It took a while to wake her up, and I was f u m i n g. I basically was saying it was passed out: could you imagine if she did this at a daycare? After all, I was paying her for it ($125 a week). She started argueing back with me that she wasn't passed out, he must have just woke up (what???? It's too early for him to go down let alone just wake up!!!!)....didn't have anything to say about the loud music and how all of the knocking, banging, screaming and dog barking didn't wake her up from her "regular" sleep...he must have just pooped now in the diaper...whatever.

I was so made...I felt betrayed, I felt that she was very irresponsible and something could have happened to my child...and then I started wondering maybe she wasn't hungover (headache, not feeling good would have been normal), but maybe she was still drunk...and to not let me know that and still watch my child...I couldn't even look at her.

All those years together...this was the first fight. I would have cooled it down after some time, if I received an apology, but I didn't. She thought she was in the right. SO I haven't talked to her since
I don't blame you one bit..I believe children bring most people to their senses, and we realize how quickly bad things can happen to them, through irresponsible behavior. I would have felt the same way....and would have never spoken to her again...after all, what if that child would have been able to climb out of that crib, like some learn quickly to do. Children take a great bit of watching, and one must be alert at all times, never leaving the child alone.

I had cousins who while sleeping, their children at very young ages, learned how to be escape artists from the cribs, would go down stairs, open the front door and go outside in the middle of the night. thank goodness, this wasn't the case with your child.

Hugs and you feel bad, b/c you lost the friendship, but children's safety must come first and foremost over friendships and all else.

Thank you for sharing...
Creme
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Old 05-20-2008, 09:25 AM
 
Location: Maryland not Murlin
8,193 posts, read 22,344,770 times
Reputation: 6158
Quote:
Originally Posted by himain View Post
Sierra, you are kidding me right??? I would have NEVER abandoned my friend of 7 years like that for some idiot I met one week ago. You stay with your friend, you don't just drop her off and be like see ya later. It just doesn't work like that period.

Obviously with you being a foreigner your views of how friendships work are totally different than mainstream folks.

BTW-She never saw the guy again after that night
I am not a foreigner and will say that this sort of stuff happens all the time. People have there own lives to live and no matter how lame your friends actions may be, or even if they do something that you would never do does not mean squat. They have their own lives to live and sometimes their plans just might (unintentionally) be offensive to you.

That's life.
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Old 05-20-2008, 11:36 AM
 
3,490 posts, read 7,385,581 times
Reputation: 3950
I have lost friendships when I've moved overseas. They kind of just drift away.
Some friends it works with, you can not see them for a year or two and when you do see them, it's like you've never been apart.

Others, just move on and change, and you find you don't have much to talk about.

I had a best friend when I was in my early teens who stopped talking to me when I went to boarding school overseas. Both her parents had nervous breakdowns in the year that I left, and I think she couldn't forgive me for not being there.

Feel sad about it even 16 years later.

I wrote her a letter a couple of years after I left and she wrote back a nice note that she wished me all the best in the future, but nothing indicating that she wanted any further contact. I wrote back, but didn't get anything from her. Wouldn't know how to even contact her now.
I think this thread triggered something because I actually had a dream about her last night that she wanted to be friends again. So odd. Haven't even seen this person since I was about 15!

I had another friend break contact with me right before I got married. This is someone who I had lived with, travelled around the world with, and known for about 7 years. There was no argument. I wrote her a very angry e.mail about a year after the wedding. Didn't hear from her for several more years, and then about a year ago I was looking through old photos and found a bunch of our trip. I e.mailed her to let her know that I wished her all the best and had no negative feelings towards her and thought she might like to know that.
She wrote back and apologized. Said she had been in a tough time in her life and I hadn't been there for it (I'm sensing a pattern here). She said she wasn't proud of her behavior and that I hadn't done anything wrong.

She's been in New Zealand travelling for the past 6 months so I haven't seen her, but we e.mail regularly which is nice.

Moving from country to country can be a strain on long term friendships sadly.
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Old 05-20-2008, 11:46 AM
 
26,366 posts, read 24,547,211 times
Reputation: 16040
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen View Post
I have lost friendships when I've moved overseas. They kind of just drift away.
Some friends it works with, you can not see them for a year or two and when you do see them, it's like you've never been apart.

Others, just move on and change, and you find you don't have much to talk about.

I had a best friend when I was in my early teens who stopped talking to me when I went to boarding school overseas. Both her parents had nervous breakdowns in the year that I left, and I think she couldn't forgive me for not being there.

Feel sad about it even 16 years later.

I wrote her a letter a couple of years after I left and she wrote back a nice note that she wished me all the best in the future, but nothing indicating that she wanted any further contact. I wrote back, but didn't get anything from her. Wouldn't know how to even contact her now.
I think this thread triggered something because I actually had a dream about her last night that she wanted to be friends again. So odd. Haven't even seen this person since I was about 15!

I had another friend break contact with me right before I got married. This is someone who I had lived with, travelled around the world with, and known for about 7 years. There was no argument. I wrote her a very angry e.mail about a year after the wedding. Didn't hear from her for several more years, and then about a year ago I was looking through old photos and found a bunch of our trip. I e.mailed her to let her know that I wished her all the best and had no negative feelings towards her and thought she might like to know that.
She wrote back and apologized. Said she had been in a tough time in her life and I hadn't been there for it (I'm sensing a pattern here). She said she wasn't proud of her behavior and that I hadn't done anything wrong.

She's been in New Zealand travelling for the past 6 months so I haven't seen her, but we e.mail regularly which is nice.

Moving from country to country can be a strain on long term friendships sadly.
sometimes the guilt of what a person did to a friend, is worse, then loosing the friend....
and then, sometimes, there are people who have no conscience...but, it sounds like both of your friends were ashamed and embarrassed. Perhaps, can't face you again, b/c they now realize the cruelty and thoughlessness in their actions.

I dunno, just my thoughts?

Hugs
Creme
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Old 05-20-2008, 11:50 AM
 
2 posts, read 3,196 times
Reputation: 11
I feel you- I had a girlfriend who stole my best friend of 11 years. It was horrible. Needless to say I'm no longer in contact with either of them. I agree that people take different paths in life and mine just didn't include being around people who weren't genuine, desperate for attention, and liars. You'll be better off in the end by letting that one go.
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Old 05-20-2008, 12:29 PM
 
3,490 posts, read 7,385,581 times
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I know, I don't know why I haven't totally let it go so many years later. Odd.

I think I need to forgive her. I still feel kind of cross about it. Maybe understanding that she had her reasons (whatever they may be) for acting how she did, and that I can't change it.

It must have been hard for her to see me leave. She wanted to come too, but her parents wouldn't let her/ couldn't afford it. Then they had breakdowns. She must have felt very abandoned. It was just so odd - I visited one time and she was telling me how much she missed me, and then she never spoke to me again.

Ach, all a long time ago!
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Old 05-20-2008, 04:51 PM
 
199 posts, read 829,145 times
Reputation: 93
One of the friends I lost was in my wedding. My wedding day was the last time I saw or talked to her, 7 years ago. I could have done a better job of staying in regular contact both before and after the wedding. But I emailed a couple of times and told her about me expecting a baby and never got a reply. I have moved on and let it go but if I saw her again I think I would ask her why. That's the one that is the hardest to figure out. I thought she was a Christian and we had been close friends all through college. That's why I don't think I could just cut someone off and not respond if they contacted me. I have to be the person I feel God has called me to be. Currently, I have a situation that I have decided not to put any more time into, but, if contacted I will respond.
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