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Old 05-20-2008, 05:04 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 79,053,611 times
Reputation: 22814

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Quote:
Originally Posted by trmaoy View Post
One of the friends I lost was in my wedding. My wedding day was the last time I saw or talked to her, 7 years ago. I could have done a better job of staying in regular contact both before and after the wedding. But I emailed a couple of times and told her about me expecting a baby and never got a reply. I have moved on and let it go but if I saw her again I think I would ask her why. That's the one that is the hardest to figure out. I thought she was a Christian and we had been close friends all through college. That's why I don't think I could just cut someone off and not respond if they contacted me. I have to be the person I feel God has called me to be. Currently, I have a situation that I have decided not to put any more time into, but, if contacted I will respond.
It probably has nothing to do with you, but with her own personal issues. Perhaps she wanted to get married and you did. Perhaps she wanted to have a baby and couldn't and you did. Some people can't deal with it and prefer staying away as opposed to be constantly reminded of what they don't have and wish to have.
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Old 05-20-2008, 08:00 PM
 
Location: Bay Area
58 posts, read 207,658 times
Reputation: 86
I had a really good friend that I met at work and we became instant close friends for about five years. When I had my son and found out two and a half years later that he had autism I went into a kind of "withdrawal from life" so to speak, in order to deal with it and come to terms with it, and when she continued to push me and tell me she missed my friendship and that I needed to get out etc., I became really angry with her for not understanding how I needed to handle it and didn't speak to her for almost a couple of years. Then last year I got a call from a mutual friend of ours saying she had just been shot and killed by her boyfriend, and later saw the story that very night on the news. To this day I still can't believe and accept that she's gone, and even though I couldn't help dealing with the emotions of my son's diagnoses in any different way at the time, I wish I would've not been so quick to cut her off. I will always miss our friendship.
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Old 05-21-2008, 10:31 AM
 
199 posts, read 828,668 times
Reputation: 93
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
It probably has nothing to do with you, but with her own personal issues. Perhaps she wanted to get married and you did. Perhaps she wanted to have a baby and couldn't and you did. Some people can't deal with it and prefer staying away as opposed to be constantly reminded of what they don't have and wish to have.
Yes, I thought about that too. I understand that, but shouldn't true friendship transcend that? My best friend would love to be married and have children but she hasn't walked out of my life. To me it was a sign that the friendship was just not meant to continue on, but not knowing the exact reason is the only thing that I still occasionally wonder about. I have accepted that her part in my story is over, which is why I would never try to contact her again.
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Old 05-21-2008, 10:40 AM
 
199 posts, read 828,668 times
Reputation: 93
Quote:
Originally Posted by beingeverything View Post
I had a really good friend that I met at work and we became instant close friends for about five years. When I had my son and found out two and a half years later that he had autism I went into a kind of "withdrawal from life" so to speak, in order to deal with it and come to terms with it, and when she continued to push me and tell me she missed my friendship and that I needed to get out etc., I became really angry with her for not understanding how I needed to handle it and didn't speak to her for almost a couple of years. Then last year I got a call from a mutual friend of ours saying she had just been shot and killed by her boyfriend, and later saw the story that very night on the news. To this day I still can't believe and accept that she's gone, and even though I couldn't help dealing with the emotions of my son's diagnoses in any different way at the time, I wish I would've not been so quick to cut her off. I will always miss our friendship.
Your example is an illustration of how you never really know what's going on in a person's life. You did the only thing you knew how to do at the time. People handle things in different ways. I would have probably been as your friend was, pushing you to give toward the friendship without understanding how your personal issues were affecting you. It woud have been because of my own need for validation, and your distance would have been taken personally. So there are lessons on both sides. You regret cutting her off and she probably regretted pushing you away with her neediness. That's why I would always leave the door open to a friend no matter what happened between us.
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Old 08-19-2010, 12:38 PM
 
1 posts, read 2,278 times
Reputation: 10
I know where your coming from. I had a friend that i treasured but her whole lif, existence revolved around men and getting attention. Our friendship ended because she brutally assaulted me in the street, ripping my top open and letting my breasts spill out in public. I was sick at the time. And i knew her behaviour stemmed from her jealousy. She always went for guys who treated her like crap, and at the time the guy i was seeing appeared to be treating me better. I was more focussed on business and attempting to be a success, whereas everything for her revolved around being validated by this guy who treated her like she was nothing. It took me ages to get over what i considered betrayal at the time. But the reality was how could someone who secretly loathed themself, love me and be truly loyal to me. I just got tired of her selfishness, and her neediness. It's cool though i learned a valuable lesson. In the future i would pick my friends more wisely, i learned the hard way and it hurt like hell, but i learned.There are many times when something great happens to me and i remember when we used to call each other up and share the good news,excitedly ranting. But then i remmber that was a small part of what i identified as a friendship. The reality was my friend it seemed suffered from chronic loneliness, wether i was there, or her family, she never appreciated people, and i believe now she hung on to me because i was popular, likeable, and charismatic. I could do things she didn't have the courage to do, say things she didn't have the guts to say. Sometimes i think of her, but i'm glad she's gone.

With girls like my ex friend and yours, their so insecure, they'll always put guys or any form of attention before you.It hurts but they won't change, expecting or waiting for them to change is like waiting for a miracle.
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Old 08-19-2010, 07:01 PM
 
Location: Lowell, MA
6,926 posts, read 5,697,216 times
Reputation: 10129
Default Anyone lost a friendship that you regret??

Yes I have, my best friend since kindergarten thru highschool, my first child and then she married my brothers best friend and I felt uncomfortable with that and ended the friendship!!!

I know it was stupid and immature of me. I really loved her, we went thru so much together, our childhood, our teen year, our young adulthood and I threw it all away for what, for something I didn't approve of, how sad.

I wish I had my best friend back .
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Old 08-19-2010, 07:07 PM
 
7,508 posts, read 3,724,108 times
Reputation: 3900
I've lost a couple on the way due to my stupidity and immaturity. I have some really good friends that I know we can work through problems and we often do. Now.. I think that I don't mind losing some friends that are such a baggage in my life! I understand how you thought some people were like good friends, but they weren't friends in the end. Sometimes I think to myself and question my friendships... Like I think I may know this person and consider her/him to be my "bff" because we talk a lot, spend time together, open and share our pains, and things like that...And I may even consider him/her to be my friend but she/he may never consider me to be his best friends.. so it goes both ways, I guess..?

Last edited by ho hey!; 08-19-2010 at 07:18 PM..
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Old 08-19-2010, 07:30 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 88,525,786 times
Reputation: 39857
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
Ya friendships are overrated imo. Lots of drama with fun here and there.

I gotta disagree with you on this.

I cannot imagine my life without my friends. The support, the laughter, the richness of life I enjoy because of them is priceless.

My closest 3 friends are from my college days 30 years ago (two women and one guy).

But, I also have a great group of 4 others who I've been friends with since we met when our kids were all in the same kindergarten 15 years ago.

And on top of that, I met one of my best friends here on City-Data 3 years ago - we are twins separated at birth, lol.

To lose even one of these friends would truly devastate me.

Himain, I hope one day your estranged friend will come back around.
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Old 08-19-2010, 07:36 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,020 posts, read 25,556,091 times
Reputation: 11309
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
I gotta disagree with you on this.

I cannot imagine my life without my friends. The support, the laughter, the richness of life I enjoy because of them is priceless.

My closest 3 friends are from my college days 30 years ago (two women and one guy).

But, I also have a great group of 4 others who I've been friends with since we met when our kids were all in the same kindergarten 15 years ago.

And on top of that, I met one of my best friends here on City-Data 3 years ago - we are twins separated at birth, lol.

To lose even one of these friends would truly devastate me.

Himain, I hope one day your estranged friend will come back around.
You have to grow up before you get to college
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Old 08-19-2010, 07:43 PM
 
5,019 posts, read 12,740,867 times
Reputation: 6987
Quote:
Originally Posted by maaci View Post
My motto is that everyone is not meant to be in your life forevever.
Old thread, but one that really resonated with me tonight.

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