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Old 05-18-2008, 03:15 PM
 
Location: Way up high
14,115 posts, read 20,818,955 times
Reputation: 14390

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I'll start by sharing my story: My friend and I were inseparable for about 7 years. I mean we did everything together. We were single most of the time so she was definitely my partying accomplice. When I ended up dating an extremely wealthy guy, I bought her everything when we went shopping, he paid for our trips, etc. It never once crossed my mind not to share. Well one day we were at the Arts Festival and she mentioned that she had met someone at the beach the weekend before with her cousin and they were going motorcycle riding that night. I was great have fun and text/call me when home so I know your ok. She ended up calling me a little later in the day and said his friend was going to and wanted to see if I wanted to join. (I was single at this point) I said sure. So the guys picked us up from my apartment and we rode to Bennigans and then were going to ride out to Miami Beach. We were sitting at the bar and the guy I was with orders a double crown and coke. I was like are you kidding me? He ended up getting drunk and making a fool out of him and myself. My friend was totally ignoring the situation and was in her own little world (she really was desperate for a man) Well I went into the bathroom and called her on my cell and told her to come here. I told her that theres no way Im getting on the bike with this ahole, etc. She was like I'll have my guy take you home. I was like whatever. So her date took me home and she stayed with drunk guy. I left her a vm when I got home saying I can't believe you didn't back me up as a friend and leave with me in a cab,etc. Lets just say I was really hurt because I WOULD NEVER allow my friend to be put in danger like that and I would have backed her up and left the two idiots by themselves. I mean she was totally blind to the fact that this person was hammered on a motorcycle with me on the back. She called me at 11am in the morning and we got into a huge fight and I ended up saying everything I wanted to say and it wasn't pretty let me tell you but it was the truth. We never talked again but I did run into her about 1 month later at a bar. She was like I miss you and I told her to call me but she never did. It was left at that. I sent her an email about a year later saying this was total bs and she meant more to me as a friend than anything but she never replied. Is it possible that she didn't have that email anymore or she just didn't care?? I heard through the grapevine that she got married a couple years later and I wondered if she thought of me on her wedding day as I would have been her maid of honor for sure if we stayed friends. It was like getting a divorce and was extremely painful for me. I still think of her when important things happen in my life and have I wish I could have shared and share those things with her.
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Old 05-18-2008, 03:19 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 48,311,468 times
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The more friends I had the more DRAMA I had. So I had to weigh it out and not bother jumping over hurdles to maintain friendships. I am cool being more alone now a days. But I think of some of the close friends I used to have every now and again, and wish I could party with them or hang out.
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Old 05-18-2008, 04:44 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 78,854,500 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by himain View Post
I told her that theres no way Im getting on the bike with this ahole, etc. She was like I'll have my guy take you home. I was like whatever. So her date took me home and she stayed with drunk guy. I left her a vm when I got home saying I can't believe you didn't back me up as a friend and leave with me in a cab,etc.
Well, her guy DID take you home! I fail to see why she had to leave with you... He took you home and went back to her to continue their evening together. What's wrong with that?

Yes, I have quit friendships after being disappointed, which happens more often than not. Guess my expectations in the past were big. I used to do everything for friends. The thing is I don't believe it's wrong to expect the same back. At this point I really don't have a friend by this definition in town.
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Old 05-18-2008, 04:53 PM
 
199 posts, read 827,579 times
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Yes, I would say I have had 3 friends end a friendship with me. Each situation was different. Only one of the three ended after a disagreement. In each case I tried to keep in contact and intended to remain friends, but each one cut me off by not replying to my emails.

Personally, I feel that no matter what the disagreement or misunderstanding, true friends should be able to talk like adults and work it out. If that doesn't happen then the friendship just wasn't meant to last. I would never just cut someone off and not reply to them. I have felt like doing it, but because I know what it feels like, I don't think I could do that to someone. If the friendship is going to end at least show the other person enough courtesy to tell them how you feel. Otherwise there will never be true closure.

Despite all of that however, when people can walk away from you let them walk. It just means their part in your story is over.
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Old 05-18-2008, 05:02 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 48,311,468 times
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Ya friendships are overrated imo. Lots of drama with fun here and there.

Quote:
Originally Posted by trmaoy View Post
Yes, I would say I have had 3 friends end a friendship with me. Each situation was different. Only one of the three ended after a disagreement. In each case I tried to keep in contact and intended to remain friends, but each one cut me off by not replying to my emails.

Personally, I feel that no matter what the disagreement or misunderstanding, true friends should be able to talk like adults and work it out. If that doesn't happen then the friendship just wasn't meant to last. I would never just cut someone off and not reply to them. I have felt like doing it, but because I know what it feels like, I don't think I could do that to someone. If the friendship is going to end at least show the other person enough courtesy to tell them how you feel. Otherwise there will never be true closure.

Despite all of that however, when people can walk away from you let them walk. It just means their part in your story is over.
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Old 05-18-2008, 05:03 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 48,311,468 times
Reputation: 6957
same boat as you

Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Well, her guy DID take you home! I fail to see why she had to leave with you... He took you home and went back to her to continue their evening together. What's wrong with that?

Yes, I have quit friendships after being disappointed, which happens more often than not. Guess my expectations in the past were big. I used to do everything for friends. The thing is I don't believe it's wrong to expect the same back. At this point I really don't have a friend by this definition in town.
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Old 05-18-2008, 05:20 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 78,854,500 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
same boat as you
Well, it gets harder and harder making friends later in life. You just don't have any history together. I do have some acquaintances, but you just feel how both sides make desperate attempts and it's not working... you don't know each other's backgrounds, experiences, where they're coming from thinking and/or acting certain ways... Besides, you and I have additional disadvantages. You're gay, so I'd imagine straight men might feel uncomfortable with you. I'm a foreigner and for the most part don't relate very well to mainstream folks. I've never really been a party girl, much less now, so it doesn't bother me that much, but I can see it being harder for you. I do have somebody in town I can tell pretty much everything, but there are reasons we don't socialize much in public.

There are people at work I wouldn't mind socializing with and it's actually my fault I don't (they've invited me many times), but it gets too messy when you mix work with friendship.
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Old 05-18-2008, 05:45 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 48,311,468 times
Reputation: 6957
Yes I agree with everything here.

I honestly don't know how straight men feel with me. I know gay and bisexual men feel uncomfortable with me.....lol. I think it is because I am confident and mature. I'm cool with my sexuality and don't feel ashamed of it like half the gay guys I meet.

I have had more dedicated straight male friends than gay friends. Let's put it that way. lol. Weird right?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Well, it gets harder and harder making friends later in life. You just don't have any history together. I do have some acquaintances, but you just feel how both sides make desperate attempts and it's not working... you don't know each other's backgrounds, experiences, where they're coming from thinking and/or acting certain ways... Besides, you and I have additional disadvantages. You're gay, so I'd imagine straight men might feel uncomfortable with you. I'm a foreigner and for the most part don't relate very well to mainstream folks. I've never really been a party girl, much less now, so it doesn't bother me that much, but I can see it being harder for you. I do have somebody in town I can tell pretty much everything, but there are reasons we don't socialize much in public.

There are people at work I wouldn't mind socializing with and it's actually my fault I don't (they've invited me many times), but it gets too messy when you mix work with friendship.
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Old 05-18-2008, 06:35 PM
 
Location: Way up high
14,115 posts, read 20,818,955 times
Reputation: 14390
Sierra, you are kidding me right??? I would have NEVER abandoned my friend of 7 years like that for some idiot I met one week ago. You stay with your friend, you don't just drop her off and be like see ya later. It just doesn't work like that period.

Obviously with you being a foreigner your views of how friendships work are totally different than mainstream folks.

BTW-She never saw the guy again after that night
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Old 05-18-2008, 06:44 PM
 
486 posts, read 882,832 times
Reputation: 199
Default I've lost a couple

I've lost a couple along the way. One I really miss but in retrospect she took a different path in life and I wouldn't hang out with her now. My motto is that everyone is not meant to be in your life forevever. It sounds like you were more of a friend to her than she was to you. You need to look for the lesson in it and move on.
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