Horrible Mother-in-Law wants to visit (jealous, member, issues, feel)
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If you allow her to stay in your home, you'll regret it within two hours after her arrival. Seven days is a long time. Hotels are the best way to go, after all she's on vacation.
I hope they don't reject me and send me to a Hotel. That would be heartbreaking.
I don't think that having someone stay at a hotel is rejecting them. In fact, when we visit my sister-in-law (who always checks to see if we want to stay at the house) we get a room at a nearby hotel. We spend all day visiting and then we get away for a little alone time. We then enjoy a nice breakfast before going back to visit again.
Your mother-in-law might, of course, see it as rejection and let you know how hurt she is, etc. But it sounds as if she'll find something else to complain about anyway. Talk to your husband and see if he is willing to be the one to say, "Mom, we got you a nice room at the hotel. We think you'll sleep more comfortably there." How much time you let her visit at your house is another story.
Springhiller, I read the whole thread and all I can say is "See ya cause I wouldn't want to be ya". You're living on top of a minefield that can and will blow up over and over again because the bomb has never been deactivated.
I've been married for going on 25 years at the end of June. Whoever here said that you married her son and not the mother is wrong. I'm just going to say that straight out. When you marry, you marry the whole kit and kaboodle. That means MIL, FIL, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, and all the baggage that comes with growing up with any particular family. That means your husband's traditions, how he handles things; all of those things from his upbringing are coming into the marriage as well.
If you want to know what the REAL problem is (actually you've already said it a few times in your posts) is that your husband has not stood up to his parents firmly enough. If you want some kind of "apology" from your MIL, did your husband tell her that, or is this woman just supposed to know what's going on in your mind? Sounds like both of you are in some kind of power struggle over your husband. The truth is that your husband is yours now as he left his home when he married you and you two started your own household. That's very hard for mothers to accept sometimes. I think that some mothers see the new DIL as taking away her son, instead of gaining a daughter. I don't know what the exact points of dispute are and how you were emotionally abused, but that's a more complicated issue.
I've tried to be nice to my MIL because she gave birth to my husband; without her, he wouldn't be here. My MIL has never got in our way though; however, I can't say that I feel like she's my mom. I have 5 sister-in-laws; one of them is no longer here. The ones that remain are not my closest friends either; they are not my sisters. We have a cordial relationship; see each other at holidays, we talk, we get along, but I don't go shopping with them or hang out with them. They have each other (the remaining sisters), and the rest of the SIL's (my husband's brothers wives) are kind of in the same boat. We all get along when we're at family functions and then do our own thing the rest of the year.
What I do know is that your husband's father and mother are coming to VA to visit their own son. How's come your husband is shirking his responsibility of deciding where his own parents should stay? Why did he put the burden on your shoulders so that you're going to be stressed and damned either way? Do you realize the trend going on here? You're the fall guy; hope you realize this. Your husband has taken himself out of the equation and has set you up for the fall. If they stay at a hotel, you're going to be blamed for that. They're not going to see it as a vacation (whoever said that it's their vacation too). Don't ya wish. No, they're going to see you as even a bigger b*tch than you already are (especially in your MIL"s eyes), and that you ARE trying to keep them from seeing their own son. If they stay with you, as things are now, then there's going to be fights again and you're going to continue being the professional victim who is continually abused by the MIL, and this cycle will continue. Does she hold a gun to your head as she's emotionally abusive to you? Do you have a mouth where you can speak with her woman to woman? Is she a monster? Can you and your husband and your in-laws sit down together and work this out once and for all?
My advice is to get this mess straightened up as quickly as possible because once you two have children, what, are you going to deprive the grandparents from seeing their own grandchildren or your children seeing their grandchildren because of things that should have been worked out years ago? If you don't take care of this now, this will never go away. Sure, it's easy to move across country and have his parents 2,000 miles away and keep them at arm's length, but what's going to happen when you move back to CA and then have children at some point?
I strongly urge for all of you to reconcile to the point where you can stand each other and at least have some respect for each other; enough to be able to tolerate each other and be in the same room. The earlier that the both of you face the parents, the better it will be for you both, especially when you start having children.
All I can say is what Judge Judy says: "You picked him." That's right, you picked him, with all of his baggage (parents) and he picked you. You both have to work this out before you have kids. If you don't work this out, not only will your children be impacted, but if there's ever a weak spot in your marriage at some point, your MIL will NOT back you up. You don't want your MIL not backing you up as it pertains to marriage. Don't underestimate the impact of a mother on her son. I do believe that's one of the reasons why your husband is leaving this decision up to you. He doesn't want to hurt or disappoint either of you. He's not in a sweet spot either. If you two can't handle this on your own, or don't know how to, I strongly recommend seeing a family counselor for even one or two sessions and getting assistance on how to deal with this from someone who is impartial and from someone who is trained to handle these types of situations. If your husband doesn't want to go or thinks it's silly or whatever, then I recommend that you go by yourself because there are issues here. You can't control other people; you can only control yourself. You can at least learn how to control your feelings and how not to fall into your MIL's emotional traps.
I was fortunate when I was married my MIL and I got along [still do]. But, if she had made me uncomfortable we would have had time away from each other. A hotel preserves their privacy and yours, gives everyone a break from the stress and still allows the visit to happen. A week can be a VERY long time to hold it together when you can't even retreat to the safety of your own home. Yes, this is her son but you are his wife and he lives with you. I think there is just too much opportunity for resentment to build if the MIL stays in your home. This way he may decide to do something with his parents where you are not required to attend. However, I would strongly suggest the things you are asked to do with the in-laws you attend with a smile and the knowledge you can go home to relax. This is a trade off so be sure to make your side more than fair BTW I am a mother-in-law and would NEVER consider staying with my daughter's family for a week. Company and fish both start to stink after 3 days IMO!
It is YOUR house, YOUR decision. IF you husband does not support you then you need to get a new husband!! Hopefully he fully supports your point of view. You do not have to deal with that in YOUR house. Good luck!!
i feel for you...what a touchy situation. i was all prepared to advise you to have her stay at a hotel but after thinking about it, i think you need to do what is best for your relationship with your husband. invite her to stay, breath deep while she's there and when it's over you will come out looking like a rose in your husbands eyes.
you'll probably feel defeated for a bit but if all goes well, she hasn't won, you have. you'll be the bigger person. the favor is for your husband not his mom and if it doesn't work out, at least he knows that you tried. just my thoughts.
This will sound horrible but I have had the same issue with my grandmother. I put her up in my house ONLY because I was going to be at work and because it was a visit more for my young adult kids. They were able to take her places and visit with her and gave me a little relief in not having to do it all. In all reality, someone else said maybe this is an opportunity to work things out - I did with my grandmother but it took having a big fight while she was visiting and then we got through it later.
It comes down to yours and your hubby's views about the in-laws. I think that if it's a sore spot with your hubby then you both have to compromise. If you keep them busy and let him take them out sometimes too, then it may work out okay for you. It's a tough position to be in and I'm about to be in it myself (have to go visit in-laws) that even my fiance doesn't talk too, so should be interesting. The only reason we are going is because his Father called him out of the blue to let him know that he is dying and wants to see his son (after a few years) ugh... know exactly what you are going through! We will be staying in a motel though LOL
Your husband needs to back YOU. If you have been on the outs with your MIL (I know I was in my first marriage-it stunk!)and that is part of why I got divorced. They did come between us! Anyway! I think putting her up at a hotel is a good idea..although this will give her more fuel to make you look bad!! Just seeing it from her perspective...
Your husband needs to TELL HER that she needs to stay at a hotel...not you. It's his mother!! Let him take it by the reigns and do something about it.
Do you get along with his father?
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BTW I am a mother-in-law and would NEVER consider staying with my daughter's family for a week. Company and fish both start to stink after 3 days IMO! 
