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Done last year... as I just told Smerkygrl. JUst wanted opinions on Jane's behavior (which I find retarded and immature).
She sounds like a downer as if you have to walk on egg shells to be around her. It also sounds like you don't like her that much. I've had friends say stupid things to me (and vice versa) but we just brush it off because we enjoy one another's company. If she's a drain to be around because of her immaturity, then you shouldn't feel bad if you kick her to the curb.
Done last year... as I just told Smerkygrl. JUst wanted opinions on Jane's behavior (which I find retarded and immature).
Actually no. You asked us "or am I being insensitive?" And yes, you were. So now that you actually encounter opinions you don't like, you don't want to hear them. Do I have it about right?
Actually no. You asked us "or am I being insensitive?" And yes, you were. So now that you actually encounter opinions you don't like, you don't want to hear them. Do I have it about right?
Cpg35223, I don't think I was "insensitive." If you think I was, that's fine - but your earlier comment of me not being a prize due to my being blunt was uncalled for.
She sounds like a downer as if you have to walk on egg shells to be around her. It also sounds like you don't like her that much. I've had friends say stupid things to me (and vice versa) but we just brush it off because we enjoy one another's company. If she's a drain to be around because of her immaturity, then you shouldn't feel bad if you kick her to the curb.
Sounds to me like Jane has a very poor self-image. That might cause her to immediately assume you are criticizing her when in fact you weren't. I've had friends like this (actually, now former friends,) and they are really difficult to be around. You're always walking on eggshells wondering when you're going to inadvertently offend them. It's generally not worth being friends with people who are that overly sensitive. A person who tends to be blunt (as you said you are) can be very hard for an overly sensitive person to deal with without becoming defensive.
I say be done with her. And if you think your bluntness has caused issues in other areas of your life, you may want to work on that (you didn't say whether it had or not.)
I'm curious what Jane did that caused you to cut all ties. Please tell
I had a fallout recently with someone I was passing friends with in college, more than 13 years ago. We lost touch after graduation; we had different sets of friends, and I only saw her again starting last year – for the first time in 12 or 13 years.
This woman, whom I will call “Jane,” has a personality and attitude that drive me up the wall. We had our arguments back in school, and after being reunited with her last year, events since then have shown me we’re best off not talking nor hanging out.
Jane is good friends with Michael. Michael is a friend of mine, but he’s not my best friend. Michael has peculiarities which annoy me as well, and in recent months, I have somewhat backed off from Michael. We still hang out, but I have other friends with whom I am closer and I know I will keep Michael a bit far away – there are several things about me that Michael does not and will not know about that other friends of mine do know.
But back to Jane.
Jane is nice, but she is an irrational, stubborn, pain in the ass, airhead.
I will give you here two examples of how ditzy she can be, and after some of you give replies, I will write more of what she did that made me back away and stay away from her as much as I possibly can.
(Jane noticed this and wrote a drama-queen-type email recently. I will talk about this later.)
Scenario 1:
It was August of 2007. I was talking briefly with Jane online. As I’ve told you, Jane and I had not seen each other since around 1995. Jane is petite and she put on at least 20 pounds, but I would never mention a woman’s weight. I have also gotten fatter with age, but in mid-2006 I began to work out consistently and despite the remaining fat, I also added muscle. I asked Jane if I had gotten bigger, in reference to my weightlifting.
Jane’s answer? “You did, if you compare yourself now to how you were when we were undergrads.”
I replied, “oh, sure. We’ve all gotten bigger since school.”
Jane said, “you confirmed to me I’m fat? How dare you!”
I was dumbstruck. I had never even thought of her being several pounds overweight in my "we all got bigger" answer. I made an attempt to explain myself and insisted I had not thought of HER weight or of her being fatter, but she accused me of insensitivity and took offense at my cruel assault against her feelings.
I was speechless.
Scenario 2:
Again, an online conversation. This time, the two of us, who are singles in their mid-30s, were speaking about marriage. I asked Jane if she had ever received a marriage proposal. The answer was yes, just once.
In reply, I told Jane of an older woman also from our university. She is now almost 40. She had always been very attractive (face and body) and in school, she had been very popular with the guys (Jane did not know her then). We kept in touch after college up until early this decade, when we lost touch.
Anyway, several years ago, when this woman hit her early 30s, the proposals for dates and even marriage, which she had gotten routinely since adolescence, suddenly stopped. The men now turned away from her and with a younger generation of women all around her, she was now ignored by those same men. She even told me that some of the men who had asked her to marry them (and she refused them all) had later found wives and were living happily.
I said to her that her arrogance and princessy attitude had been a hallmark of her personality at the time I met her in school, and that now it had come back to bite her in the ass. She was stunned at my bluntness, but she admitted my assessment of her stuck-up thinking was right. She even said some of her girlfriends had told her she was stuck-up.
Before I finished the story and gave Jane the punchline – that singles should never take opportunities w/ the opposite gender for granted – Jane got angry and accused me of insinuating Jane was stuck-up and arrogant like the pretty older woman. I made a concerted effort to defuse Jane’s anger, but Jane, being irrational and emotional, would have none of it. She insisted I had again attacked her, brought up how she is insecure (her quote: “a girl has enough insecurities”), and insisted I apologize. I was not going to, but because I felt bad (and frankly, because I’m too much of a nice guy) I actually called to say sorry.
(As later posts will show – Jane now knows that I will never apologize to her again unless I do something like totaling her car or physically assaulting her.)
I have to say that Jane is one of the oddest and frankly most frustrating and difficult people I’ve ever known. I have met women and men from different origins and backgrounds. Of course, I did not like everybody let alone get along with all, but at this age, no one was this weird and so sensitive. Jane is a good and nice person, but this attitude of hers (and other things she does, which I’ll tell you in the next few posts) led me to conclude she’s an oversensitive fool I’m best avoiding.
Or… is there a chance I’m insensitive and that Jane is right?
I have a question....if you're 13 years out of college....why do you care about this crap in this first place?
I mean, I'm 23 and I can't hardly remember half the people I hung out with in high school, if not even a 1/5 of them...in fact, I barely remember some of the people I hung around in Freshman year of college.
Maybe this is just a woman thing, but really, why give a hairy rat's arse?
Sounds to me like Jane has a very poor self-image. That might cause her to immediately assume you are criticizing her when in fact you weren't. I've had friends like this (actually, now former friends,) and they are really difficult to be around. You're always walking on eggshells wondering when you're going to inadvertently offend them. It's generally not worth being friends with people who are that overly sensitive. A person who tends to be blunt (as you said you are) can be very hard for an overly sensitive person to deal with without becoming defensive.
I say be done with her. And if you think your bluntness has caused issues in other areas of your life, you may want to work on that (you didn't say whether it had or not.)
I'm curious what Jane did that caused you to cut all ties. Please tell
My bluntness has not given me problems. I am known for being very polite - my friends' wives and even in-laws have told my friends they consider me well-mannered. I am direct, but never profane.
What did Jane do? She simply was herself and I got sick of her and I backed off. She eventually stopped contacting me as she (apparently) realized I did not wish to talk w/ her.
Very recently she sent me an email saying how she laments that she thought we were friends and now, with my several months of "silence," she feels we aren't and she thinks I'm so mean and hurtful and bla bla bla and she finished the email by saying, "if we talk, you get mad at me and if we don't talk you still don't want to talk to me."
I did not write back nor will I.
I think I mentioned Michael, my friend who still talks to her. He did think I was too harsh at first as he is a very non-chalant/whatever type of person who thinks everyone is friends with everybody. But even he admitted to me very recently that Jane is "tough to work with" and she can be "mindless" at times.
Ironically, Michael called me that on the day she wrote me that email (the first contact Jane and I had November of 2007), he happened to call her to say hello, and Jane brought this up. Michael tried to explain that "Sprawling isn't like you, not everyone is like you, and if Sprawling doesn't want to talk to you for whatever reason, it's better to back off... sending this kind of an email is just gonna make you look like you're nagging." Mike said the moment he said the word "nagging" Jane flipped and it went from a conversation to an argument, and Jane then got mad at HIM.
You're in your thirties, you say? Something tells me you know the answer to your question and you're looking for absolution from strangers.
Move on.
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