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Old 06-17-2008, 01:54 PM
 
1,919 posts, read 3,958,819 times
Reputation: 1523

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I had a fallout recently with someone I was passing friends with in college, more than 13 years ago. We lost touch after graduation; we had different sets of friends, and I only saw her again starting last year – for the first time in 12 or 13 years.

This woman, whom I will call “Jane,” has a personality and attitude that drive me up the wall. We had our arguments back in school, and after being reunited with her last year, events since then have shown me we’re best off not talking nor hanging out.

Jane is good friends with Michael. Michael is a friend of mine, but he’s not my best friend. Michael has peculiarities which annoy me as well, and in recent months, I have somewhat backed off from Michael. We still hang out, but I have other friends with whom I am closer and I know I will keep Michael a bit far away – there are several things about me that Michael does not and will not know about that other friends of mine do know.

But back to Jane.

Jane is nice, but she is an irrational, stubborn, pain in the ass, airhead.

I will give you here two examples of how ditzy she can be, and after some of you give replies, I will write more of what she did that made me back away and stay away from her as much as I possibly can.

(Jane noticed this and wrote a drama-queen-type email recently. I will talk about this later.)

Scenario 1:
It was August of 2007. I was talking briefly with Jane online. As I’ve told you, Jane and I had not seen each other since around 1995. Jane is petite and she put on at least 20 pounds, but I would never mention a woman’s weight. I have also gotten fatter with age, but in mid-2006 I began to work out consistently and despite the remaining fat, I also added muscle. I asked Jane if I had gotten bigger, in reference to my weightlifting.

Jane’s answer? “You did, if you compare yourself now to how you were when we were undergrads.”

I replied, “oh, sure. We’ve all gotten bigger since school.”

Jane said, “you confirmed to me I’m fat? How dare you!”

I was dumbstruck. I had never even thought of her being several pounds overweight in my "we all got bigger" answer. I made an attempt to explain myself and insisted I had not thought of HER weight or of her being fatter, but she accused me of insensitivity and took offense at my cruel assault against her feelings.

I was speechless.

Scenario 2:
Again, an online conversation. This time, the two of us, who are singles in their mid-30s, were speaking about marriage. I asked Jane if she had ever received a marriage proposal. The answer was yes, just once.

In reply, I told Jane of an older woman also from our university. She is now almost 40. She had always been very attractive (face and body) and in school, she had been very popular with the guys (Jane did not know her then). We kept in touch after college up until early this decade, when we lost touch.

Anyway, several years ago, when this woman hit her early 30s, the proposals for dates and even marriage, which she had gotten routinely since adolescence, suddenly stopped. The men now turned away from her and with a younger generation of women all around her, she was now ignored by those same men. She even told me that some of the men who had asked her to marry them (and she refused them all) had later found wives and were living happily.

I said to her that her arrogance and princessy attitude had been a hallmark of her personality at the time I met her in school, and that now it had come back to bite her in the ass. She was stunned at my bluntness, but she admitted my assessment of her stuck-up thinking was right. She even said some of her girlfriends had told her she was stuck-up.

Before I finished the story and gave Jane the punchline – that singles should never take opportunities w/ the opposite gender for granted – Jane got angry and accused me of insinuating Jane was stuck-up and arrogant like the pretty older woman. I made a concerted effort to defuse Jane’s anger, but Jane, being irrational and emotional, would have none of it. She insisted I had again attacked her, brought up how she is insecure (her quote: “a girl has enough insecurities”), and insisted I apologize. I was not going to, but because I felt bad (and frankly, because I’m too much of a nice guy) I actually called to say sorry.

(As later posts will show – Jane now knows that I will never apologize to her again unless I do something like totaling her car or physically assaulting her.)

I have to say that Jane is one of the oddest and frankly most frustrating and difficult people I’ve ever known. I have met women and men from different origins and backgrounds. Of course, I did not like everybody let alone get along with all, but at this age, no one was this weird and so sensitive. Jane is a good and nice person, but this attitude of hers (and other things she does, which I’ll tell you in the next few posts) led me to conclude she’s an oversensitive fool I’m best avoiding.

Or… is there a chance I’m insensitive and that Jane is right?
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Old 06-17-2008, 01:57 PM
 
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How about this. Jane is a toxic loser who never cuts anybody slack, ever. At the same time, given how bluntly you apparently speak, I'm thinking you're not any prize either.
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Old 06-17-2008, 01:58 PM
 
2,482 posts, read 8,044,837 times
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Get new friends.
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Old 06-17-2008, 02:00 PM
 
1,919 posts, read 3,958,819 times
Reputation: 1523
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
How about this. Jane is a toxic loser who never cuts anybody slack, ever. At the same time, given how bluntly you apparently speak, I'm thinking you're not any prize either.
Linking bluntness with being a prize or not.

Priceless.
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Old 06-17-2008, 02:01 PM
 
Location: CA
2,464 posts, read 5,820,261 times
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Don't waste your time on people you don't even like. Life's too short.
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Old 06-17-2008, 02:01 PM
 
1,919 posts, read 3,958,819 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SmerkyGrl View Post
Get new friends.
Done last year. Just wanted opinions on her behavior... as she suddenly reappeared (but I just ignored her).
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Old 06-17-2008, 02:02 PM
 
1,919 posts, read 3,958,819 times
Reputation: 1523
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommabear2 View Post
Don't waste your time on people you don't even like. Life's too short.
Done last year... as I just told Smerkygrl. JUst wanted opinions on Jane's behavior (which I find retarded and immature).
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Old 06-17-2008, 02:03 PM
 
28,905 posts, read 46,707,147 times
Reputation: 46025
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sprawling_Homeowner View Post
Linking bluntness with being a prize or not.

Priceless.
Yep. If the people skills are lacking, then it says a lot about them as a person. It's an acid test that has never failed me in a relationship.
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Old 06-17-2008, 02:04 PM
 
2,482 posts, read 8,044,837 times
Reputation: 1924
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sprawling_Homeowner View Post
Done last year. Just wanted opinions on her behavior... as she suddenly reappeared (but I just ignored her).
"Don't gossip and dwell on the things that don't matter. Seeping in bitterness makes even the sweetest peach bitter."- Southern Grandmama's best lesson taught.
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Old 06-17-2008, 02:05 PM
 
Location: Kansas
3,855 posts, read 11,765,060 times
Reputation: 1714
I don't know why you appologize for something you were implying anyway. I don't know why you appologize to someone you clearly care nothing for. Why don't you just cut her loose.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
How about this. Jane is a toxic loser who never cuts anybody slack, ever. At the same time, given how bluntly you apparently speak, I'm thinking you're not any prize either.
^OMG!!! LOL LOL LOL LOL
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