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Old 07-07-2008, 05:39 PM
181 posts, read 558,315 times
Reputation: 68


I was wondering if I was the only one that wasn't close to their sister. I only have one sister. I love her she is 3 years younger and we don't fight but we just aren;t close. I remenber playing together growing up. Our Dad died when we were very young in the 60's and then we moved in with our Grandparents. My Mom was always there doing things with us. When we grew older we just had our own friends and we never did anything just us. My Mom died 3 years ago and after that I never see her. I ask her to stuff but she doesn't come. She just can't move on from My Mom's death and she likes to stay away from Family. When we were younger she was outgong and I was shy and when we became adults that switched now I'm outgoing and everything throws her.. She said she isn't like me., things are harder for her. She doesn't have kids I have 7. I hear all the time how close sister can be and I think we are odd. I know that some sisters fight all the time that isn't the issue with us. I know I have two older daughter and they are very different and not really close. Anyone else not close to their sister
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Old 07-07-2008, 05:46 PM
Location: Tennessee
16,225 posts, read 22,597,840 times
Reputation: 24023
7 kids! Wow....

I know that you said you have tried getting her to do things with you, but I would keep trying! Don`t give up. Maybe one day, she will accept the invitation and the two of you can start to make up for the lost time.
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Old 07-07-2008, 06:00 PM
181 posts, read 558,315 times
Reputation: 68
Well three of my kids are adopted. Anyway I have invited her to family stuff and she always is sick or something. I really think she needs help processing my Mom's death. We are moving out of state so I don't think that will help.
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Old 07-07-2008, 06:10 PM
Location: Tennessee
16,225 posts, read 22,597,840 times
Reputation: 24023
Can`t the two of you just sit and talk? Maybe if you start the communication, then eventually she would open up to you, and get some of her grief that she is carrying around off of her chest.
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Old 07-07-2008, 06:11 PM
Location: Leaving fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada
3,859 posts, read 6,869,991 times
Reputation: 7344
Have you tried doing things on her terms? If she doesn't have kids & husband of her own she might respond better to one to one activities--a long lunch or a girls night out. Does she have an interest that you could interact with her through? I lost my younger sister in 2004. We were very different but sometimes we found common ground by doing things neither one of us were very familiar with--going to a new restaurant or a show. That helped us cross several divides--living far away, kids vs. no kids, education differences, work differences, etc. I wish you much luck in your efforts. I miss my sister every day....
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Old 07-07-2008, 06:18 PM
Location: Fairbanks, AK...formerly Kentucky
631 posts, read 1,698,400 times
Reputation: 466
That's very sad. Having a sister is an incredible gift. I am very close to both of my sisters and there is a huge age difference. They were teenagers when I was born so needless to say it took some time to develop our closeness but we have a bond that is unbreakable. I hope that the two of you can develop a relationship. Don't let her slip away!
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Old 07-07-2008, 06:26 PM
Location: MA/NH
17,132 posts, read 34,624,910 times
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My mom is the oldest of three siblings. Her sister is the middle child. They are not close. I am the oldest of three girls. I am closest to my youngest sister. My middle sister is just different in temperament and we have nothing in common with her in the way we approach life, friends and our interests. Of course we are all very fond of each other, but we function very independently of each other. We are closer to our s/o's but I don't think that it bothers anyone that we are.

I am not one that believes blood is thicker than water. I'm more a "you can't pick your family but you can pick your friends" kind of person. My boyfriend is closer to me than with anyone in his family. No one understands him as well as I do, no one in his family is that interested in what he wants to do for a career or for fun. His mom is really happy with her second husband of two years. His sisters are engrossed with the men in their lives. The whole situation seems natural to us.
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Old 07-07-2008, 07:48 PM
181 posts, read 558,315 times
Reputation: 68
Like I said and like someone else said we just aren't close. I guess we never were. I have friends that I have had since Highschool and they are more like sisters than my sister in the sharing allo and doing things together. I love her but like someone else said we are very different. We really weren't close before our Mother passed away. She dealt with my Mom's death like she deals with everything. Many people in our family have reached out to her but she would rather stay away. I think she hasn't dealt with my Mom's dealth because she has ran away from it and all those part of the family. My kids and I we laugh watch videos and remember my mom and yes we still at times cry, but my MOm would want us to laugh and do family things and to remember how she lived not how she died.
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Old 07-07-2008, 08:12 PM
Location: Land of Thought and Flow
8,323 posts, read 13,496,493 times
Reputation: 4884
Honestly, if your sister doesn't want to be a part of the family, then let her be. I know it's hard because she is your sister... but there could be any number of reasons for her actions.

I'm saying this because your sister sounds a lot like myself. I honestly want nothing to do with my family - no matter how many times they extend the hand of friendship and family love. I could go on for pages about why I would not even show up to my sister's graduation next year or any other sort of special occasion. I'd rather be struck with pneumonia than to be around them.

But I yield to such insanity of posting every reason. I'll just leave it at "Let your sister go through life at her own pace, when she's ready, she'll contact you."
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Old 07-07-2008, 08:14 PM
Location: In the real world!
2,178 posts, read 8,477,663 times
Reputation: 2790
My sister is 2 years older then I am and when we were young, people always thought we were twins. We were not that close growing up, I guess because when you are kids, 2 years is a lot of differance in age. As adults we have been really close. Extreemly close. While we have lived most of our adult lives in different states, we are still very close.

Whenever anything bad happens, I am the first person she calls and since she dosen't handle things well at all, I know I have to get there as fast as I can or she gets so worked up she ends up in the emergency room. If it takes me to long to get to her, she will end up there several times.. For some reason, I am the only one who can calm her down when she gets herself worked up like that. I am a realist that figures out what has to be done and gets things done where she is the one who falls apart and passes out.

We have so much FUN when we get together and can sit up all night long talking and cutting up like a couple of fools. I made her a beautiful quilt with Sun Bonnet Sue on it and it said "Fate made us sister, Our hearts made us friends".. She made me a rag quilt a few years ago with angels on it that said "My sister is my Angel"..

We never have understood how all sisters were not close like we were and wondered if they had any idea what they are missing.
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