Friends who only answer the phone when convenient for them (boyfriend, house)

[emailvasally]

I dont hardly ever answer the phone. Although I do check messages and return them promply if it is an emergency or whenever I get the chance if it isnt an emergency. I like to give whatever I am doing my full attention(hanging out with the kids, special dinner with hubby, homework etc)

I agree with the other poster that you need to figure out if you are being to needy. If in fact you dont typically call her on the weekends and she doesnt return calls of you being in the hospital then I dont believe she is a friend. I have one extrememly needy friend that used to call me 2-3 times a day and just chat for an hour. that got really old and I now ignore most of her calls. I love her to death but if I dont have an hour to waste I dont bother. with that being said, if she was on her way to the ER I would be there in a heart beat.

[andreaspercheron]

I gave up awhile ago on friends. No lie. I was always the friend that would come over and visit, always call, etc. When my friend consistantly (and over time, different friends) stopped being a friend, i.e., not calling, never wanting to come over but wanting me to do all the work, then I stopped being friends.
Im a very independent person, never really relied on anyone for anything but have always been a good friend to my friends (and they will confirm).
As you get older I find you just have less patience for BS. My fiance and I have friends that live in another state, we have always made the trek to go and see them and never once do they travel to us.
He has the same problem with his friends...
So, we just stopped calling people and wow! They started calling! LOL

Anyway, I totally can relate to the postings here....

[Raggy dee Ann]

To the OP: Life's too short to waste on fairweather friends and if someone was like that to me I'd strike em off. Anyway I'm the sort of person who hates bothering others with my problems and just deal with it myself. Oh and if you should ever feel you are having a stroke call 911 - every second counts!

[NCyank]

Well now it is sounding more like she is not a phone person much. She e-mails you frequently but doesn't return calls. I know one person like that. She hates to talk on the phone. When you call her you would think you were a bother, or even that she didn't care much for you because she is very short on the phone. She often doesn't even answer the phone. I know if I want to reach her I should send her an e-mail. It isn't personal, she is like that with everyone. I am kinda surprised she still has a phone...LOL

Either way it seems you are more invested in the relationship than she is. It doesn't mean she is a bad person or even a bad friend, she just isn't the right friend for you.

[movin'on]

Originally Posted by NCyank

Well now it is sounding more like she is not a phone person much. She e-mails you frequently but doesn't return calls. I know one person like that. She hates to talk on the phone. When you call her you would think you were a bother, or even that she didn't care much for you because she is very short on the phone. She often doesn't even answer the phone. I know if I want to reach her I should send her an e-mail. It isn't personal, she is like that with everyone. I am kinda surprised she still has a phone...LOL

Either way it seems you are more invested in the relationship than she is. It doesn't mean she is a bad person or even a bad friend, she just isn't the right friend for you.

Well, for not being a phone person, she complains her BF doesn't talk long enough on the phone with her. So I don't think that's the case.

Oh well, it just sucks feeling this way, but I'll feel much better in time, I know. This too shall pass

I have plans to go to this women's course in miracles group thing tonight (you know - the Marianne Williams stuff), so it's not like there aren't other people out there to hang out with.

[doglover29]

I have a friend/acquaintance like this. There have been many times that I've given her a call just to say hi and she doesn't pick up, though I know she keeps her cell phone on all the time. The only time she calls me is if she's in the car driving somewhere. And as far as emails go, sometimes I'll email her asking her if she wants to do something that weekend and she just won't ever respond, which I think is quite rude.

We only see each other once every three or four months anyway, so this behavior bugs me. I've decided to just let the friendship fizzle out, which is too bad, seeing as she's one of only a handful of people I got to know here (we moved here two years ago from out of state not knowing anyone here). But she treats me as if I'm at the very bottom of her priority list all the time.

From my experience I've found that people tend to be very bad at maintaining/nurturing friendships, and tend to only do things when it's convenient for them. It sounds like since you've already talked to this friend about your feelings about the situation, that perhaps it's time to move on.

[movin'on]

Originally Posted by emailvasally

I dont hardly ever answer the phone. Although I do check messages and return them promply if it is an emergency or whenever I get the chance if it isnt an emergency. I like to give whatever I am doing my full attention(hanging out with the kids, special dinner with hubby, homework etc)

I agree with the other poster that you need to figure out if you are being to needy. If in fact you dont typically call her on the weekends and she doesnt return calls of you being in the hospital then I dont believe she is a friend. I have one extrememly needy friend that used to call me 2-3 times a day and just chat for an hour. that got really old and I now ignore most of her calls. I love her to death but if I dont have an hour to waste I dont bother. with that being said, if she was on her way to the ER I would be there in a heart beat.

Nah, I wouldn't say I am a needy person - in need of a job, yeah, but that's as far as it goes. I just think people get busy with their lives and it seems (often) that as soon as some guy comes into the picture friends go by the wayside. I think I am dealing with a case of that. I have a dear friend of 33 years that I don't even call that often - maybe once a week max but not even that often. And if she's busy, we talk for 5 or 10 minutes and that is fine with me. I just like to keep in touch.

[movin'on]

Originally Posted by doglover29

I have a friend/acquaintance like this. There have been many times that I've given her a call just to say hi and she doesn't pick up, though I know she keeps her cell phone on all the time. The only time she calls me is if she's in the car driving somewhere. And as far as emails go, sometimes I'll email her asking her if she wants to do something that weekend and she just won't ever respond, which I think is quite rude.

We only see each other once every three or four months anyway, so this behavior bugs me. I've decided to just let the friendship fizzle out, which is too bad, seeing as she's one of only a handful of people I got to know here (we moved here two years ago from out of state not knowing anyone here). But she treats me as if I'm at the very bottom of her priority list all the time.

From my experience I've found that people tend to be very bad at maintaining/nurturing friendships, and tend to only do things when it's convenient for them. It sounds like since you've already talked to this friend about your feelings about the situation, that perhaps it's time to move on.

Amen, doglover29 (me too!) Same exact deal. Cell phone always on. And I've gotten the same thing re: invites, as in no response at ALL! Just completely ignoring stuff. There have been few times I've asked if she had a couple of hours to meet for coffee and she just ignores it. Stupidly, I told her three times (in emails) that I wanted to take her out for her BD and she just ignored it. It finally dawned on me (when I went back and read her emails) that she said "I had enough on my plate and that we'd get together when and if we both felt like it." I'll be damned! A reaction like that never would have occurred to me. I am happy as a clam if someone remembers my birthday, let alone wants to take me out for it. Wow, I didn't realize wanting to acknowledge someone's birthday by taking them out required a when and if response. That'll teach me.

Anyway, blah blah blah, this has been going on for too long and I am just going to cut my losses. It is kind of sad, however, as I find the older one gets the harder it is to make true friends. I too moved here from out of state and do miss my childhood friends. I go back there and it's so nice to just have "normalcy." I read that only about 25% of the population even has one person in their life they can truly be themselves with. Wow, I am grateful for my friendship of 33 years! Yes, we've had our ups and downs but it's stood the test of time so I can consider myself very blessed indeed.

[gentlearts]

I hate to break it to you, but a phone call is an intrusion. Why should someone drop everything when you feel like calling her? If it is not convenient for the callee to answer it, I don't have a problem with that.

[Back to NE]

Don't forget about the people who only call when it is convenient for them. I am constantly being called by people COMMUTING, bored in their cars mostly. Sometimes they'll abruptly say they gotta go when they've reached their destination.

So I don't feel guilty at all when I screen calls. If someone truly has an emergency, they can leave a message which I will respond to quickly if they really need me.