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Old 07-14-2008, 06:56 AM
4,247 posts, read 9,366,766 times
Reputation: 1461


Anyone else deal with this? I have been now since December and it's gotten old. I have this friend who never picks up when I really need to talk to her (which is VERY rarely as I know better than to call her on the weekends). I always answer when she calls. I'd already told her once it seems like I am only a M through F email friend. Anyway, I was having a really bad day yesterday and she as usual did not pick up. I left her a VM asking her to call me and she sent me an email last night, which is quite usual, as she spends all weekend with her BF and cannot be bothered. Anyway, I called her a couple of months ago on a Sat as I was going to the ER thinking I was having a stroke. I called her twice asking her to please call me back, which she did after I'd already been in the ER for awhile. She has called me twice on weekends, always having some anxiety or BF crisis, and I've always been there for her - the last time even going to far as to call me when I was out of town over some crisis with her BF. I spent an hour talking to her that day, which I really didn't feel like doing, as I was out of town trying to escape from stuff where I live and just not think about certain things. I called her back twice that weekend needing to talk to her and, of course, she did not pick up the phone.

Anyone else have to deal with stuff like this and do you just give up after a while? I am at that point myself. It's very frustrating to always be available to someone and not have it reciprocated. Thoughts?

Old 07-14-2008, 07:00 AM
212 posts, read 690,229 times
Reputation: 120
Some people are just built that way - takers rather than givers. I know loads of people like but I can't be friends with them because they usually take advantage, and I couldn't be bothered with being taken advantage of.
Old 07-14-2008, 07:01 AM
8,415 posts, read 35,303,872 times
Reputation: 6268
I think she sounds annoying and I dont know why you care about someone that would act like that. Pretty selfish and useless behavior.
Old 07-14-2008, 07:02 AM
Location: Ca2Mo2Ga2Va!
2,736 posts, read 5,950,308 times
Reputation: 1788
I have (had) a friend who I just recently ended our relationship. She'd call me everyday on her way home from work, to complain about her husband, work, etc....Then when she'd get home, if I was in the middle of a sentence, she'd cut me off and say "I'm home now" lol....she really was a downer, totally negative, and my life is much happier that I've kissed her off!
Old 07-14-2008, 07:04 AM
Location: Right where I want to be.
4,507 posts, read 8,024,215 times
Reputation: 3332
Hmmm...I never answer the phone when it is inconvenient for me.

If there is something going on here that needs my attention how could I possibly give full attention to whoever is calling on the phone? Sometimes it might be my mom (who goes from crisis to crisis), or a solicitor or a friend just wanting to chat. Either way, leave a message and I'll get back to you when you will have my full attention, i.e. when it is convenient for me. Perhaps that is the approach your friend is taking as well.

I might suggest you put someone who is more available at the top of your call list if you want more immediate attention.
Old 07-14-2008, 07:27 AM
Location: Suffolk County ,Ny
89 posts, read 239,623 times
Reputation: 48
I have had ex friends like that (notice I say ex) that is not a true friend. A friend will be there for you when ever you need them not just when its convenient for them.
Old 07-14-2008, 07:37 AM
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,732 posts, read 31,778,474 times
Reputation: 6774
My sister likes to call me and unload on me when she is in trauma. I can't take it so I don't answer normally. Maybe you should ask your self if your too needy for your friend to be able to handle.
Old 07-14-2008, 07:38 AM
28,905 posts, read 46,712,118 times
Reputation: 46025
Well, we are not Pavlov's dogs. We shouldn't be conditioned to dash to the phone whenever it summons us, whether we're making dinner, helping kids with homework, or trying to cross things off our To-Do list.

That being said, it is equally inconsiderate to not return a phone message from friends. If your acquaintance is not returning your calls in a reasonably timely fashion, then is this somebody you really want in your life anyway?
Old 07-14-2008, 07:48 AM
Location: Wild, Wonderful WV
306 posts, read 816,860 times
Reputation: 159
You shouldn't have to deal with that kind of stuff from a friend. Sounds to me like you want to be her friend more than she wants to be yours. You know, like in her mind you are acquaintance friends but in yours you are real friends.
Old 07-14-2008, 08:23 AM
4,247 posts, read 9,366,766 times
Reputation: 1461
Thanks all. You've confirmed what I have been thinking. To be fair, I did nicely tell her how her behavior was affecting me and she went on to apologize profusely, but obviously whatever I said did not sink in enough for any behavioral change. We've gotten together maybe three times in four months so it's not like I am some glom monster. What irked me the last time I saw here is that we'd made plans to have dinner for a couple of hours. She actually invited her BF to join us and I thought she could have at least asked me if it was ok (as we don't even get together once a month). He didn't feel like it so that is why it was just the two of us. I, OTOH, have never even been invited to her house - EVER. So it's me who has extended invites to my house and I'm tired of that too. This means it's on me to clean the house and buy whatever refreshments or food I might serve.

I am a very independent person so I don't lean on people. I have friends I keep in touch with and do understand if they cannot get back to me right away. It's just in this situation there are constant emails Monday through Friday when she is at work (maybe it breaks up the day) but then she just doesn't pick up the phone and, like I said, I do pick mine up whether I feel like talking or not. I just say hi and that I am not in a mood for talking (have done that once). My way of thinking is even if you don't feel like talking, just answer the phone and say now isn't a good time or that you can only talk for five minutes. She knows she does this (doesn't answer her friends' calls - it's not just me) and has said her other friends have stopped calling her as she doesn't answer the phone. I wonder why they stopped calling.

At any rate, thanks for your input. I am just going to focus on new friendships and people that do have time for me outside of emails during work hours or people who at least answer the phone once in a while.
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