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Old 07-15-2008, 12:30 PM
 
3,758 posts, read 7,670,395 times
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I have a sister who is a very good person. She would give the shirt off her back to help you, but she is very narrow-minded. She does not understand anyone's situation unless she is faced with it herself. I already know that I have made mistakes in my life and admit I am not perfect, but she always has to make some kind of remark to me about how she thinks I am. She has not dealt with the kind of things that I have dealt with in my life, but she is always making little remarks to imply that I am weak. I bite my tongue on a daily basis. How would you deal with this?
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Old 07-15-2008, 12:47 PM
 
Location: Lived Large in Parsippany NJ - Lived Larger in Livingston, NJ -- Now Living Huge in Bethlehem PA
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We all go through different things in life and sometimes most of us just have to bite our tongues not to say something bad or anything at all. There is a time for everything we are all not perfect and make mistakes here and there so all I can say is count your fortunes and blessings each day rather than counting your misfortunes and curses if I may put it that way.

Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen and in this life we need a lot of patience though it can sometimes hurt yet no matter what it's still a virtue.

From what you typed it seems you have dealt with it to this point in time so why not just keep doing that since persisting to change her ways is not yielding any positive results - your sister may be narrow-minded as you put it but with time she will see the difference and change...it will not be an over night thing - hang in there like you have been all this while...also always remember you are not alone we all happen to be weak in one way or another.

Best regards

===============

Quote:
Originally Posted by PG77 View Post
I have a sister who is a very good person. She would give the shirt off her back to help you, but she is very narrow-minded. She does not understand anyone's situation unless she is faced with it herself. I already know that I have made mistakes in my life and admit I am not perfect, but she always has to make some kind of remark to me about how she thinks I am. She has not dealt with the kind of things that I have dealt with in my life, but she is always making little remarks to imply that I am weak. I bite my tongue on a daily basis. How would you deal with this?
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Old 07-15-2008, 01:05 PM
 
3,758 posts, read 7,670,395 times
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Thanks. I appreciate your thoughts on this.
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Old 07-15-2008, 01:10 PM
 
4,270 posts, read 13,973,174 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PG77 View Post
she is always making little remarks to imply that I am weak. I bite my tongue on a daily basis.
I thought it was interesting how that was side by side. Tell her how you feel and prove her wrong!

Not siding with anybody and honestly, I don't think anybody has the right to "judge". When siblings do it, it's even more annoying! I don't know what else to say other than you are not alone. Talk to her about it and hopefully you guys can work it out. Good luck!
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Old 07-15-2008, 01:15 PM
 
3,758 posts, read 7,670,395 times
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Originally Posted by foma View Post
I thought it was interesting how that was side by side. Tell her how you feel and prove her wrong!

Not siding with anybody and honestly, I don't think anybody has the right to "judge". When siblings do it, it's even more annoying! I don't know what else to say other than you are not alone. Talk to her about it and hopefully you guys can work it out. Good luck!
Yeah, that does sound weak, and that part of it is. I cower down because she is my sister. However, we have had our "couple of moments" where I have come back at her and stated how I felt. Things were OK for awhile, but after a week or two, she goes back to making her little digs. I just came to the realization that she is how she is and I just have to blow the remarks she makes off, but they still hurt especially when I know she doesn't have a clue just how strong I really am.
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Old 07-15-2008, 01:21 PM
 
Location: Jersey in da Citi!!
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PG77,

I'm sorry to hear about your situation..it truly sucks. I have many sisters but am close to one. We are 9 years apart and now that we are adults we are the best of friends! We gain our strength from each other and have a mutual respect for each other, regardless of age, experience etc. I'm older than my sis..when she gives me advice, I take heed and vice versa.

Notice I said I have many sisters but I'm only close to one. I'd never trust the others as far as I can throw them. Its quite unfortunate because they are all older than me and I would love to gain some of their wisdom..but thats just not the way it is. I've mentioned this in another post..all relationships serve a purpose..and if I can't grow or learn from you..then there is no purpose at all. Its about building each other up not breaking each other down. We are like flowers..without sunlight and water..it eventually wilts and die.

With all due respect to your sister..if she is not your sunshine then maybe you need not to open up to her as much if at all. Maybe when she sees that you hold back..you guys will be able to have a heart to heart and you can tell her how she makes you feel. Hopefully she'll realize her effect on you and change. I also have a feeling that she's like this with others..great person but a lil judgemental..hey we all have our demons. Thats something she will have to deal with. But in the meanwhile, you need to seek a confidant that will lift you u up and not break you.

Good luck!

Last edited by TrishP7; 07-15-2008 at 01:30 PM..
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Old 07-15-2008, 01:29 PM
 
3,758 posts, read 7,670,395 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TrishP7 View Post
PG77,

I'm sorry to hear about your situation..it truly sucks. I have many sisters but am close to one. We are 9 years apart and now that we are adults we are the best of friends! We both gain our strength from each other also a mutual respect. Although I'm older than my sis..when she gives me advice, I take heed and vice versa.

Notice I said I have many sisters but I'm only close to one. I'd never trust the others as far as I can throw them. Its quite unfortunate because they are all older than me and I would love to gain some of their wisdom..but thats just not the way it is. I've mentioned this in another post..all relationships serve a purpose..and if I can't grow or learn from you..then there is no purpose at all. Its about building each other up not breaking each other down. We are like flowers..without sunlight and water..it eventually wilts and die.

With all due respect to your sister..if she is not your sunshine then maybe you need not to open up to her as much if at all. Maybe when she sees that you hold back..you guys will be able to have a heart to heart and you can tell her how she makes you feel. Hopefully she'll realize her effect on you and change. I also have a feeling that she's like this with others..great person but a lil judgemental..hey we all have our demons. Thats something she will have to deal with. But in the meanwhile, you need to seek a confidant that will lift you u up and not break you.

Good luck!
Thank you for your thoughts. You are right. She is like this with her daughter also. I know she cares. She just does not realize the effect it has on us. We both hold back from her. I already feel bad enough about myself without her making me feel any worse. You are right in that I need to seek someone who will lift me up not break me down. Thanks again.
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Old 07-15-2008, 01:29 PM
 
4,270 posts, read 13,973,174 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PG77 View Post
Yeah, that does sound weak, and that part of it is. I cower down because she is my sister. However, we have had our "couple of moments" where I have come back at her and stated how I felt. Things were OK for awhile, but after a week or two, she goes back to making her little digs. I just came to the realization that she is how she is and I just have to blow the remarks she makes off, but they still hurt especially when I know she doesn't have a clue just how strong I really am.
Well, the trick, I think, is picking the right moment to do it. Hey sis, we need to talk about something versus just getting into a fight and bringing up the situation because of the fight, you know?

There's contructive and destructive discussions. My point is, pick a contructive time!
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Old 07-15-2008, 01:30 PM
 
3,758 posts, read 7,670,395 times
Reputation: 859
Quote:
Originally Posted by foma View Post
Well, the trick, I think, is picking the right moment to do it. Hey sis, we need to talk about something versus just getting into a fight and bringing up the situation because of the fight, you know?

There's contructive and destructive discussions. My point is, pick a contructive time!
Yes, you are right. Thanks!
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Old 07-15-2008, 01:42 PM
 
Location: Jersey in da Citi!!
874 posts, read 3,407,940 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PG77 View Post
Thank you for your thoughts. You are right. She is like this with her daughter also. I know she cares. She just does not realize the effect it has on us. We both hold back from her. I already feel bad enough about myself without her making me feel any worse. You are right in that I need to seek someone who will lift me up not break me down. Thanks again.
No problem, PG. Although sis is a great person, it really sounds like she has some insecurity issues. Ofcourse, I'm not saying this with confidence because i'm not a therapist nor do I know her. But based on my experience I know folks that tend to put down others because of their own insecurities. Was she treated this way during her childhood? If so, perhaps the behavior is soo deep rooted, therefore, she may not realize how her words are hurting people..especially her loved ones.

I hope you can help her with this because it will affect her relationship with her daughter in the long run. She wants to be sure that she has an open relationship with her baby so she will feel comfortable to come to her mom and talk to her about anything and everything.
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