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this is tricky. you can potentially end up alienating a good neighbor.
but a way to deal with this is to invite him over on a day no one is there and explain that your other visiting friends would like some time with you and only you. they come to see you guys and feel they are not getting enough quality time with you. this will ensure that he does not feel like a fool in front of everyone else, and will make him understand that you have a life.
also explain to him that next time he should call to see what you are doing for the evening instead of just dropping by.
also suggest he get some guy friends to hang out with. find him a girlfriend.
maybe instead of him coming over, beat him to the punch and unexpectedly drop on over on him(both when he has compnay and when he is alone. and stay till the wee hours of the night)
another thing to do is, when he comes over, just say, "o we were just leaving to do so and so." and just leave.
take the chance to get out of the house and go bowling.
there are many things i would do, but the first and best option is to be honest. if he does not get it, then turn the tables and be just as pesky as him.
OKAY! I have a solution!!!! All you need to do is find him a woman.....send him on a blind date......and cross your fingers and pray that she will ask for a second date!!!! otherwise, your in trouble.
Seriously though....if you could find him somone who likes the things he likes that would be best.....I'm so sad for him, he sounds so lonley. you do need to set boundaries though.....be strait forward and tell him when you are available and when you aren't (ie...durring week days or whatever) I couldn't just exclude somone like that....I would just convince my friends that one day a week is not a lot to sacrafice in order to make somone els's life a little better.... and if they can't agree to that then that's just sad and I'm not sure i would want friends like that.......
I would kindly tell him that your guests are getting ready to leave so "maybe next time"...and then cont. to party into the night... Maybe he will get the hint.
If you don't nip it in the bud now it will only get worse and be harder later. Stand your ground. You don't need a drunk neighbor staggering over at odd hours. It's not you being rude...it's him. So put a stop to it now.
you can't do anything about him joining you in the back yard...but, if he comes to the front door again, when you have company, open the door a bit, and kindly say....oh, hi (his name) geeze I'm sorry, but we just got company or dinner guests....could we please do this another time? and then close the door while saying, "thanks so much for understanding."
your in control and that way he might get it...and you might have to do this a few times...then after you close the door, it would be safe to go outside to the patio in a few minutes...perhaps have a drink inside, and then take the party out to the patio?
and if he doesn't get it...next time he comes over and its just you and hubby....you have to say, yanno (his name), when we have company, you have to understand, it is by invitation only...we enjoy your company, but we need to have quality time with our friends to.
you can also put up a privacy fence around the patio if you like, with a lock on it...and if he comes over, again, do the same thing as you would do at the front door.
While he may be a very nice man, he has to understand, you guys need quality time and pivacy with friends..hurt his feelings or not, he is over stepping boundaries and taking advantage of you and your guests, which is very rude.
I used to have a friend like this who would overstay his welcome and talk nonstop about his bitter ex wife. After awhile, my friends wouldn't come over and I knew it was time to do something.
You need to visit this neighbor and preferably when he's not drinking, tell him that you appreciate the fact that he's recently divorced but that your dinner / cocktail parties aren't always for everyone.
If you don't put your foot down now, you are never going to be rid of him and your friends will find reasons to not come over.
I would just be honest with the guy and tell him it's invitation only. If you didn't get an invitation then you are not invited.
OR if you don't feel bold enough to do that, then when he shows up uninvited next time, tell him it's not a good time and that you will see him the next day.
He needs boundaries and you have to put aside your kindness and be firm. He'll get hurt feelings for a day and then find a new neighbor to pester.
It's not worth losing your friends over this, trust me.
Hey Everybody! You all have helped me sooo much! I love this! I am going to use a little bit of all the advice I have been given through this forum! I do not want to loose a good neighbor, but I agree that I had better set some boundaries. One thing we are going to do is move our cocktail hour to our other friends houses for a while and see how that goes. What do you all think about doing that, is that just me being a weenie and not confronting neighbor? Please keep posting advice on this situation. I could not be more appreciative.
That's a great idea! Even if you have the better setting for it, I think that moving around the hosting duties is smart and it's a duty that should be shared. Have your divorced neighbor host a party at some point.
But maybe at some point, all the guys should get together and have a night of male bonding and support for this divorced guy. It doesn't have to involve going to a bar and helping him pick up a woman. Probably dating a new woman is not something that he's emotionally ready to do. But they could go bowling or play some pool together. Ultimately, this guy needs to get back into the outside world and not hide in your patios at cocktail hour. And it would be a great thing if all of you neighbors could help this guy heal a bit.
And while the menfolk are out, the wives can do something else fun. I think that married couples need to socialize separately periodically.
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otherwise, your in trouble. 
