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Hmmmmm........ having a relative that is a slobbering drunk at all family functions embarrassing themselves and others while they slowly kill themselves.
Or
Having a family member that talks nonstop about their recovery program but will live to a ripe old age without killing someone out on the road because they were loaded.
I'd think the second option would be more tolerable to the first.
CPG, I have been there with one of my best friends. She's been sober for 14 years now. My college drinking buddy, too. Still can't get over it. Anyway, the first 5 years of her sobriety were kind of nauseating - it was like she found a new God. She yammered on about it nonstop and it felt as if she was trying to recruit anyone who came into her circle. I wanted to strangle her at times and I think it drove a lot of people away. However, she stopped. She got that it was anonymous and that not everyone around her was an alcoholic. She continues to talk about it with me a little bit, but that's only because we've known each other for 21 years and I used to tag along to the meetings with her. I think some people get that awareness and others don't. But, 9 years. That's a long time to feel the need to proselytize.
I can imagine... I don't know any such folks and frankly have no desire to. Then again, I have an addictive personality myself... We're more fun WITH the addictions.
[QUOTEoptiflex]That is just plain WRONG. AA is for AA'rs. Al-anon is for family. We are anonimous and don't want members bringing outsiders in in droves. QUOTE]
Well, out here in the West in "open" meetings (meetings open to alcoholics and their family members and friends who aren't alcoholics) we see many people from Al-Anon come by. I as an AA member have been to Al-Anon meetings too, because of someone in my family.
In the two and half years that I have been a member of AA, only a few non-alcoholic folks ("normies") have ventured into the open meetings I've been to. If an alcoholic goes to an "open" meeting, it's a good idea not to share as fully as one might when one attends a "closed" meeting for alcoholics only. I have never felt there was any gawkers at any the open meetings I attended; I felt there were a lot of newcomer people on the fence struggling to decide as to whether or not they were real alcoholics.
AA meetings can be fun lots of times, but they ARE support groups for people trying to better themselves and their life situation. I haven't seen the "outsiders in droves" phenomena, but then, I haven't been to Syracuse, New York, either.
I have heard though, that there are meetings in Los Angeles that one can't get into unless one has a SAG (Screen Actors Guild) card.
How about "Hearing about how you've suffered is very hard for me, and brings up some of my own unresolved issues with myself/my childhood/my father, would it be okay if we didn't talk about that?" lol
Seriously, people who get sober deserve the upmost respect and many accolades. Just sounds like this woman is a little unaware.
generally when someone in your life recommends you go to an Al-Anon meeting, it is because they are familiar with the program and they see that you are someone who has a need for it and would benefit from it
and generally people who go on and on and on, like the opening post for instance, about the problems alcoholics create for them in their lives, are the very people who do need to go to Al-Anon (the program for friends, family, and loved ones of alcoholics and addicts)
if you have a genuine interest in addressing the questions you bring up (versus just going around venting and bashing people and whining endlessly about poor you and how victimized you feel) in your opening post, such as how do i get her to stop talking about recovery, or why do i have to watch what i say around her or jeopardize her recovery, then Al-Anon is where you find detailed answers and practical solutions to those very questions.
on the other hand, if you just want to stay in your own drama, and not actually implement positive change in your life that would improve the situation you are describing, then that is your choice. It is up to you.
Wow, you couldn't have made my point better. Al-Anon people are always trying to hustle everybody else into their meetings. And, no, I'm not one of the people she keeps trying to push it on. Actually, total strangers seem to be her main target. As in the people at the aforementioned dinner party.
Look, it's very simple. How do we get an obviously fragile (Which is what she is, believe me) and defensive person to not babble endlessly about her addiction. At the dinner party in question, she managed to interrupt the flow of conversation several times just to talk about that, and then she went on and on about her Arbonne.
And, yet, DimSum, you're predictably trying to transfer all the burden of guilt to me. We just want her to not buttonhole everybody about it at the drop of a hat. And, if you actually read the follow-up post rather than flip through old episodes of Oprah for the right buzzwords, you'd realize that she has been approached about this, and handled it very poorly.
In fact, if I complain about being subjected to this for years on end, somehow or another, it's my "drama." Your psychobabble aside, my life is a pretty positive thing. It's her ongoing drama that's getting tiresome. And, yes, I know you feel kinship for somebody who has gone through this. But after awhile, we're all tired of hearing about her struggle with the bottle. After almost a decade of this, it's time for my SIL to deal with it and move on. It's a shame that we can't seem to find a way to tell her that.
How about "Hearing about how you've suffered is very hard for me, and brings up some of my own unresolved issues with myself/my childhood/my father, would it be okay if we didn't talk about that?" lol
Seriously, people who get sober deserve the upmost respect and many accolades. Just sounds like this woman is a little unaware.
I don't think she'd get it. I've met several other people in AA, and they all seem to want to talk about themselves and their problems endlessly. They'd probably just welcome me to the group.
Wow, you couldn't have made my point better. Al-Anon people are always trying to hustle everybody else into their meetings.
It seems to work this way when people give up just about anything enjoyable. Now that they no longer do it, they start preaching. IMO, the reason behind this is that deep down they still WANT to do it! Had they been truly indifferent, why the need to broadcast it? Same with married people convincing you to get married, people with children convincing you to have children, ex-smokers becoming the worst anti-smoking Nazis, born-again Christians pretending to be holier than thou, and the list goes on and on and on.
If whatever you have and/or do is sooo great, enjoy it and more power to you! Why do you need other parishioners...?! The human kind is not known for being such altruists!
if someone is upset and complains to their friends that their car doesn't start, their friends are likely to say, "hey go to a mechanic for help with that." If someone is frantic because there is blood gushing from their arm and they are complaining to their friends what problems this is causing in their life, they are likely to be told, "hey, go to a doctor for help with that"
if someone goes on and on and on (for instance over dozens of posts in this forum alone) about how bent out of shape they are over how the alcoholics in their life are behaving, they are likely to hear "hey, go to an Al-Anon meeting for help with that"
now if a person refuses to go to the mechanic, or to the doctor, or to an Al-Anon meeting, or whatever, for the very thing that is causing them upset and trouble in their life, choosing instead to stay stuck with their upset and drama and complaining and whining about how uncomfortable this is making their life, well, if they are refusing to go where there is help to fix the problem.....that is their choice. to stay stuck in the drama and upset, or go get help.
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I don't know any such folks and frankly have no desire to. Then again, I have an addictive personality myself...
We're more fun WITH the addictions.
