U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 08-06-2008, 04:25 PM
 
Location: Jersey in da Citi!!
874 posts, read 3,409,100 times
Reputation: 473

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by skytrekker View Post
Need some help from all those members who think they are Dr. Freud.

I decided I had to end a 10 year friendship.

Reasons; over the last few years this person become increasingly negative. Every time they came to my house for drinks and dinner- I would have to put up with at least one if not two 'put downs'

Something like 'oh you painted your kitchen like Florida' the color---

or comments at a dinner party with mixed couples about my haircut that where less then complimentary.

Or when I had an exotic plant in my garden that is tough to grow here- I get the response in a rather nasty 'oh I know people who have cactus'

or 'Well if you go off your medication you will go back to the way you where before.........'

I put up with this for years- when I visited his house- I had enough class and would never make nasty or mean comments.

When I gave this person a nice set of canisters for his kitchen- never got a 'thank you'.

This person is very well off- has a sense of entitlement- has two trust funds and does not have to worry the rest of his life----

any comments ??
Skyy..I can totally relate. I just ended a 20 yr friendship..i've known this mad woman since we were 12!! So just imagine..we've been through alot together.

Well basically she was diagnosed with bipolar. But for some God forsaken reason, over the years she decided not to take the meds. She is a frigin loose cannon. Very negative..never has anyting good to say about anything or anyone. About a month ago was the last draw for me when she disrespected my fiance..majorly. I wont get into it..but there has been three occasions that she has disrespected my partner and she did it for the last time once I cursed her out.

She's one of those gimme gimme people and never has anything to give back. Just a horrible person.

Listen..it may not be easy for now..but you'll be happy and relieved in the long run. I always say.. "I could do bad by my damself..don't need assistance."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-06-2008, 04:28 PM
 
Location: Tolland County- Northeastern CT
4,459 posts, read 6,392,312 times
Reputation: 1237
Trish

you and I have too much patience and are too nice.

This person I feel has severe problems- that they have little clue about. They will not even consider taking medication- saying they are 'happy pills'.

Frankly the stuff I use (buspirone) would be too mild- they need a stronger anti depressant.

Additionally they said my neighbor who takes care of stray cats---the cats he said 'should be put in a paper bag- and thrown in a river...........'
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-06-2008, 04:45 PM
 
8,415 posts, read 35,349,550 times
Reputation: 6268
Sounds like siblings or a bitter mother...

I think you should arrange a mud fight party before totally saying goodbye.


GLOP!
right in the kisser.
I know you would like it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-06-2008, 05:03 PM
 
Location: NJ/SC
4,286 posts, read 13,405,124 times
Reputation: 2593
skytrekker - I have had to (break up) with two close friends over the last couple years for similiar reasons - see here Has anyone ever had to drop a friend?

Recently one of them lost their father and I heard about it. I sent a sympathy card but without my new number or address because I had moved. I feel really bad and want to call her but it gives me anxiety just to think about it. It's a tough call when you have been friends for a long time. I guess you have to decide what positive things thats person brings to your life, if any. Or if you can talk to them about how they make you feel and see if they change. Good luck with your decision.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-06-2008, 05:16 PM
 
Location: Tolland County- Northeastern CT
4,459 posts, read 6,392,312 times
Reputation: 1237
Thanks Rapture

I feel that this person needs help- but I can excuse this kind of destructive & Toxic behavior so long. I have talked to some other people who told me he is unlikely to change.

I have another friend who was less nasty- but did go on lexapro and has improved- I told this friend about 'Jack' who was told by his MD to take the meds or else 'Bill' told me that Jack was toxic- hmmm seems like he should know. At least 'Jack' had the courage to get and accept help.

I am listening to everyone here. Trying to close this forever or try one last time- and discuss the issues I have with this person- it may work- but they are so intent of controlling from the get go again it may be difficult for them to ever change their mean and destructive behavior.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-06-2008, 05:20 PM
 
Location: NJ/SC
4,286 posts, read 13,405,124 times
Reputation: 2593
Probably and that's why I stopped hanging out with my friend. After being a certain way for 40-50 years is a person going to change? I don't know. I asked myself if as a friend should I have pointed out the behavior to them? After thinking about it, I didn't think it would be received well. I tried once and they were defensive and disagreed with me. Meanwhile they have no other friends, which should tell them something. It actually makes me sad that some people can't see themselves as others see them and it causes them to have problems their whole life.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-06-2008, 05:30 PM
 
Location: Tolland County- Northeastern CT
4,459 posts, read 6,392,312 times
Reputation: 1237
I hear you rapture

I have graduate work in counseling- and have throughout the years learned more about myself- I tend to have more 'open window's' then Bill- more education and have worked not in computers but in helping others.

Be that as it may- I have issues that I am aware of- and learning more about other issues I never thought I knew! But at least I have the ability to see myself and try and modify behavior that is wrong- plus I take medication.

At this point Bill is too rich, too complacent, too self satisfied to change. What is sad also he is a spoiled brat- something his parents made him- and as you said at 55 seems unlikely to change. He needs to grow up- and has the worldly view of 25 year old. Sad.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-06-2008, 05:49 PM
 
Location: SUNNY AZ
4,589 posts, read 11,978,289 times
Reputation: 1841
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
Bitter, jealous, a poor friend, probable personality disorder...
Yea, those too
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-07-2008, 06:50 AM
 
Location: Between Philadelphia and Allentown, PA
5,077 posts, read 13,075,762 times
Reputation: 3732
If you are looking for confirmation that you did the right thing, then yes. You did and congratulations. It takes a different breed to be able to recognize when a relationship needs to end and then take action to end it and not pussyfoot around while doing it.
I learned how to do this a long time ago. Makes it quite easy to weed out timewasters as friends and the good ones.
Best of luck to you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-07-2008, 06:55 AM
 
Location: Somewhere out there...
3,662 posts, read 7,545,961 times
Reputation: 3705
Sounds like my sister. I don't talk to her anymore. She is in CA and I am in the midwest, so I don't even have to see her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 12:57 AM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top