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Old 08-08-2008, 08:50 AM
 
Location: SUNNY AZ
4,589 posts, read 11,973,339 times
Reputation: 1841

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***The names of the participants have been disguised in order to protect the innocent

Any feedback is appreciated as I'm not sure where to go from here....

Two cousins......Nicole (24) and Rachel (26) were very close thier entires lives (more like sisters than cousins) until Nicole began to get serious with her new boyfriend, steve. It was almost like Nicole changed overnight into an extremely selfish, uncaring person. Rachel had no Idea what went wrong so she just rolled with it and didn't let it get to her, they went on for about a year this way...not as close as they were but not estranged either. One day Nicole called Rachel with the news that she was getting married....Rachel was so happy for her and so excited that Nicole had asked her to be her maid of honor.....Rachel accepted and all was great.
A couple months later while shopping together Nicole points out a dress to Rachel and says... "hey, what do you think about this as your bridesmaid dress?" Rachel responds with "I thought I was your maid of honor?" Nicole then says...."Oh yea, well I didn't want to upset anyone in the family so I decided to go with a friend of mine". Rachel was shocked that the news was broken to her this way....almost like it was no biggie but it was to Rachel....but she accepted it and moved forward. Long story short......Over the next 3-4 months Rachel doesn't hear from Nicole unless Nicole needs a favor and even then, Nicole doesn't call Rachel directly....She calls her mom who then calls Rachels mom who then calls Rachel to relay the message. Rachel ultimatly decides that she would rather not be a part of the wedding party mostly because she feels like she's not wanted but also bcs she's a little p*ssed off....Rachel tells Nicole about her decision, Nicole does not respond to Rachel but uninvites her to the wedding. Rachel really could care less.....She's just happy that she doesn't have to deal with the constant dissapointment that comes with having Nicole in her life.....however, now, it's causing a rift in the family.........some upset with Nicole some upset with Rachel but most upset with both............Any way to fix this???
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Old 08-08-2008, 08:56 AM
 
1,072 posts, read 2,385,679 times
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"Rachel" should have been upfront with her WAY before Nicole got engaged about Nicole's changes. Also, when Rachel got "downgraded" as a bridesmaid instead of a maid of honor, "Rachel" should have said something right then and there.

Whatever happened to DIRECT communication? If they were SO close, why didn't Nicole say something before?
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Old 08-08-2008, 09:35 AM
 
651 posts, read 2,032,232 times
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I think because most of the family is upset with "both", and not just one person, there probably is something that Rachel is doing to contribute to this problem and she's not seeing it.

Rachel needs to get honest feedback from her family members on what they've seen transpire between her and Nicole. It could help fill in her perceptual 'blind spots'. As for repairing the relationship with Nicole, she should apologize to her in front of some other family members for something that's appropriate to the relationship problem. And she should not try to accuse Nicole of anything in the process or ask for an apology from her for X number of things. Even if is seems to Rachel that she's giving in to Nicole, this act of humility will make it easier to repair the damage to their relationship down the road.

If Nicole fails to soften up to Rachel after this, then at least Rachel knows she's tried and the family can see she made a good faith effort to patch things up.
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Old 08-08-2008, 09:52 AM
 
Location: Kansas
3,855 posts, read 11,772,416 times
Reputation: 1714
Quote:
Originally Posted by lola8822 View Post
Any way to fix this???
...girly wedding stuff.

When too googly eyed people fall in love they tend to let everything else fall off the table....even some of their best friends...as in this case.

It was a pretty b--chy thing to do in asking someone to be #1 at the wedding only to find out later she'd been demoted because she "didn't want to upset anyone in the family so I decided to go with a friend of mine". OK why would selecting Rachel as MoO upset anyone in the family? What's wrong with Rachel. Is she a crack who re or something?

Sounds like Nicole is a real B and Rachel should just tell her to her face what a B she is and then go buy herself something nice.
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Old 08-08-2008, 10:02 AM
 
Location: SUNNY AZ
4,589 posts, read 11,973,339 times
Reputation: 1841
Quote:
Originally Posted by drjones96 View Post
...girly wedding stuff.

When too googly eyed people fall in love they tend to let everything else fall off the table....even some of their best friends...as in this case.

It was a pretty b--chy thing to do in asking someone to be #1 at the wedding only to find out later she'd been demoted because she "didn't want to upset anyone in the family so I decided to go with a friend of mine". OK why would selecting Rachel as MoO upset anyone in the family? What's wrong with Rachel. Is she a crack who re or something?

Sounds like Nicole is a real B and Rachel should just tell her to her face what a B she is and then go buy herself something nice.
lol.....your too cute
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Old 08-08-2008, 10:27 AM
 
Location: Kansas
3,855 posts, read 11,772,416 times
Reputation: 1714
Seriously though. What does that mean when she says she picked someone else to be MoH because she didn't want to upset her family?
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Old 08-08-2008, 10:44 AM
 
Location: SUNNY AZ
4,589 posts, read 11,973,339 times
Reputation: 1841
I'm guessing she meant that her other cousins would get upset.....but she has ALWAYS been wayyy closer to Rachel than any of the rest of her cousins.....including me.

I'm one of the other cousins.......not close with Nicole bcs she is really selfish.....it shows in many ways. But at the same time I don't want to see the rest of the family being affected by it.....sure, rachel probably did let her anger get the best of her (she tends to do that) but there's a lot that she's put up with from Nicole....I think it was just a build up of lots of stuff.

Thanks you guys for your input....and feel free to add anything I can use all the advice i can get right now.
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Old 08-08-2008, 10:52 AM
 
Location: ARK-KIN-SAW
3,434 posts, read 8,944,907 times
Reputation: 1578
Quote:
Any way to fix this???
imho..nope stay out of it..all it will do is drive you crazy trying to fix it.
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Old 08-08-2008, 11:09 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,152 posts, read 34,648,266 times
Reputation: 16255
Quote:
Originally Posted by lola8822 View Post
Any way to fix this???
By the rest of the family not getting involved with the drama, things will blow over eventually. I don't have a problem with what Rachel did. I suppose the next drama installment will come when Rachel gets married. If Rachel is smart, she'll elope to Vegas.

Some wedding arrangements don't make sense. When my boyfriend's older sister got married, she wanted her dad to walk her down the aisle, even though she and the rest of the family despise him and her mom still has a restraining order against him. But in her mind, she had to have her father walk her down the aisle. Also, as soon as his older sister announced her engagement, my boyfriend immediately told her and the family that he didn't want to be in the wedding party. In the last five weddings he's been at, he's been a groomsman. He's just tired of that duty and would rather just be a regular guest. But his mother made him do it again and told him that if he didn't do it, then he couldn't be a groomsman for his younger sister later on... which would have been fine with him too. We think that his younger sister will get married within the next two years, he's thinking of making plans for being in another part of the world at the same time. We get married, we plan to elope.

And next weekend, my boyfriend is going to his boss' wedding. I was very surprised to hear that the best man will be the bride's brother and not one of his best friends or his brother. And his fiance's brother has never stopped by the shop or gone with the guys to go drinking after work either. When his boss ran the last Boston Marathon, he trained and ran with another close friend. Meanwhile his brother is the one organizing the bachelor party. So strange.
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Old 08-08-2008, 11:11 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,152 posts, read 34,648,266 times
Reputation: 16255
Quote:
Originally Posted by lola8822 View Post
Any way to fix this???
By the rest of the family not getting involved with the drama, things will blow over eventually. I don't have a problem with what Rachel did. I suppose the next drama installment will come when Rachel gets married. If Rachel is smart, she'll elope to Vegas.

Some wedding arrangements don't make sense. When my boyfriend's older sister got married, she wanted her dad to walk her down the aisle, even though she and the rest of the family despise him and her mom still has a restraining order against him. But in her mind, she had to have her father walk her down the aisle. Also, as soon as his older sister announced her engagement, my boyfriend immediately told her and the family that he didn't want to be in the wedding party. In the last five weddings he's been at, he's been a groomsman. He's just tired of that duty and would rather just be a regular guest. But his mother made him do it again and told him that if he didn't do it, then he couldn't be a groomsman for his younger sister later on... which would have been fine with him too. We think that his younger sister will get married within the next two years, he's thinking of making plans for being in another part of the world at the same time. We get married, we plan to elope.

Another drama to his older sister's wedding was that there is a crazy alcoholic aunt, and she wasn't invited because she caused some earlier bad family drama a few months earlier. They also live out of state up north. So she maneuvered her way into the wedding guest list by telling everyone that her daughter really really wanted to be part of the wedding party.

And next weekend, my boyfriend is going to his boss' wedding. I was very surprised to hear that the best man will be the bride's brother and not one of his best friends or his brother. And his fiance's brother has never stopped by the shop or gone with the guys to go drinking after work either. When his boss ran the last Boston Marathon, he trained and ran with another close friend. Meanwhile his brother is the one organizing the bachelor party. So strange.
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