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I wasn't sure where to post this so here I am. Today I found out that my father's oldest and dearest friend just died. He received the call two minutes before I called and when he answered the phone he could barely speak. Just broke my heart because my dad is the kind of guy that holds it all in and tries to always be in control. I am worried for him because he is 87 and has lost everyone that he loves except his immediate family like my mom and his children. But to watch your friends die off and leave you alone is so sad. He doesn't get around too much...my mom and dad both have health issues and are elderly and pretty much just stay at home and have too much time to think. Not really having anyone else to share things with like he did with this friend worries me that maybe he might not care if he lives or dies now...nothing to look forward to but more aches and pains and being tired all the time. I live across the country and they only have my older brother to depend on but he has his own active life too. Am I worrying too much or do I have cause for concern?
I think you should make a trip out to see your Father. He, as you've alluded to, probably is starting to feel like the last of a few people around who knows the world he lives in and that he can relate to. Be there for him.
Can't. Just started a new job and are struggling right now. My dad and I have had many issues but I still love him and reach out as best I can right now.
Can't. Just started a new job and are struggling right now. My dad and I have had many issues but I still love him and reach out as best I can right now.
I think you have the right to worry, of course, it's your dad. But at his age it is inevitable that those things will happen. Maybe you could talk to your mom and come up with something they are both "able" to do together wether it be bingo or a club for older ppl or something they could become involved with to meet other ppl.....I know here in Az we have Sun city and it's sooo cute to see all the old ppl wheeling around together on the golf course in thier wheel chairs.....maybe they have something like that in your parents town??? It's worth looking into.
All great suggestions but they live in their own home where I grew up and I think they don't really have it in them to start over trying to make new friends at this point. They aren't outgoing that way. There really isn't a suggestion I was looking for but more of looking for people going through something similiar and sharing experiences. Thanks.
My Dad had many close friends. Unfortunately he passed first, his best friend shortly thereafter and another good friend in June of this year. When people are in their golden years, they tend to cherish their friendships better than those in the younger age groups. When they start losing one another, their will seems to fade, because they can't change for what is now, all they have are their memories.
You're probably worrying too much.
I'm very close to my old (by old I mean ex) neighbor, he's in his 80's, very close to my hubby's grandma who is 90; I can tell you that they both know death is something you have in your life and deal with. They know that life can be cruel, you bury your spouse, children, or your son in law, grandchildren, friends.
My son has a great grandma that will be 101 September 12th. She has watched a lot of people that she loves die before her. She doesn't have any of the friends she used to but has managed to make new ones where she lives.
Your dad should be fine. I think you were caught off guard with how he picked up the phone. Weird that you chose that time to call. Send him a card and jot down a little note, let him know you are there if he needs to talk.
Quote:
Originally Posted by puffle
I wasn't sure where to post this so here I am. Today I found out that my father's oldest and dearest friend just died. He received the call two minutes before I called and when he answered the phone he could barely speak. Just broke my heart because my dad is the kind of guy that holds it all in and tries to always be in control. I am worried for him because he is 87 and has lost everyone that he loves except his immediate family like my mom and his children. But to watch your friends die off and leave you alone is so sad. He doesn't get around too much...my mom and dad both have health issues and are elderly and pretty much just stay at home and have too much time to think. Not really having anyone else to share things with like he did with this friend worries me that maybe he might not care if he lives or dies now...nothing to look forward to but more aches and pains and being tired all the time. I live across the country and they only have my older brother to depend on but he has his own active life too. Am I worrying too much or do I have cause for concern?
That's the part that scares me...losing the will. When they are too tired to do anything..when carrying a bag of groceries tires him out as well as the usual aches and pains. He use to belong to a men's poker group that had met every Tuesday for 40 something years which was his life blood and only connection to other guys. One by one they started to drop and then four years ago he got into a dispute with some of the guys and they kicked him out. My mom really doesn't travel well anymore so there went another thing to look forward to. So now it's a movie on Friday nights, and an outing on Wed. if they are up to it. We have a ridiculously small family in Ca. where they live and he has only a nephew left on his side by he doesn't see him. I only have a brother and he has a daughter but she has her young life as well. It's just sad and probably makes me wonder what my "golden years" will be like having everyone in my family gone except hopefully my older brother,niece and son. Sorry...not usually so melancholy.
Puffle, my son's GRMa supposedly lost her will to live after burying her son about 15 years ago. Losing her will to go on hasn't killed her yet. With your dad, suggest he find a new poker group. Does he use the computer? I know people at a computer forum I go to that play poker online, maybe he'd like that?
I'm also from a small family, parents came here in the 50's by themselves (met here), my mother brought my aunt. We never really had anyone but ourselves. I'm sure you've seen me mention my dad & how close I was to him, wasn't close to my mother (we had a few times we got along) nor my 2 sisters and with the drama surrounding my dad's cancer, then death all I have are my hubby, son & daughter. No one speaks to me.
We do our own thing. We adopt neighbors with kids or my son's friends & their young kids, eventually my daughter will be old enough. I guess that since I never really had anyone I don't miss it like others would. Don;t get me wrong, I do wish I had a mother or sisters to go to or that my relationship with my recently found adopted brother worked out but I'm fine and will be fine. I know eventually I will have grandchildren that will fill the holidays, or I will find a new hobby.
I think people adjust to their surroundings. Do you have your own kids?
Quote:
Originally Posted by puffle
That's the part that scares me...losing the will. When they are too tired to do anything..when carrying a bag of groceries tires him out as well as the usual aches and pains. He use to belong to a men's poker group that had met every Tuesday for 40 something years which was his life blood and only connection to other guys. One by one they started to drop and then four years ago he got into a dispute with some of the guys and they kicked him out. My mom really doesn't travel well anymore so there went another thing to look forward to. So now it's a movie on Friday nights, and an outing on Wed. if they are up to it. We have a ridiculously small family in Ca. where they live and he has only a nephew left on his side by he doesn't see him. I only have a brother and he has a daughter but she has her young life as well. It's just sad and probably makes me wonder what my "golden years" will be like having everyone in my family gone except hopefully my older brother,niece and son. Sorry...not usually so melancholy.
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