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Old 08-26-2008, 08:59 PM
Location: Atlanta, GA
305 posts, read 432,794 times
Reputation: 419


So, I had a good friend in High School. We hung out at school and went to prom in the same limo. She came to my house once, I've never been to hers. She used to tell her mom that she was visiting me up at college (when she was really staying over at her boyfriends house) yet she never came and visited (only 2-3 hours away). All this said, I came to the conclusion that we weren't really friends anymore. After college, through facebook and myspace, we occasionally messaged each other, stress on occasionally. She randomly messaged me the other day and told me she was moving in with her current boyfriend and that they would get engaged soon. Just received a message from her that they are engaged and she would love me to come to her wedding, a destination wedding in Antigua. I respectfully gave her congrats. She asked for my address so I included that as well.

Seriously, why does she still consider me a friend? I know this may sound bitchy but we don't even talk. For the life of me I don't understand why she wants me to come to her wedding. She didn't even have my current address and I'm pretty sure she doesn't have my cell #. She has lots of other friends, closer friends, that she should have surrounding her at her wedding. I barely know her anymore, and she certainly doesn't know me. Of course, I gave her my blessings. I am truly happy for her. But I also have no intentions whatsoever of going to this special event. I don't know anyone in her family, I don't know any of her friends, I don't even know the groom! My friends that I consider close, the ones I met in JHS & college, are the ones that I have visited, know their family and friends and know their significant others. In addition to facebook and myspace, we keep in touch via texts or a short random phone call. There was a time I tried to have this kind of friendship with this friend, however, she never returned my calls or messages; which is exactly why I put her in the "acquaintance" category. Yes, there was a time when we were friends but that was slightly more than 8 years ago. It just amazes me how she would "love" me to be at her wedding yet she knows nothing about me now, as I know nothing about her now.
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Old 08-26-2008, 09:03 PM
Location: Wu Dang Mountain
12,941 posts, read 18,852,980 times
Reputation: 8655
Women get all strange with weddings...

Sometimes, like you've seen happen on MySpace, they can become "friend whores" when seeing their future wedding and want to pack as many bodies into the event as possible.

That, or she still remembers the "good days" with you and this is her way of thanking you for them.
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Old 08-26-2008, 09:05 PM
355 posts, read 1,227,392 times
Reputation: 177
because some people think that having many people in attendance means they have a lot of friends. when in actuality, a lot of people show up because they feel obligated. maybe she doesnt actually have many good friends and wants to fill some seats.
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Old 08-26-2008, 09:05 PM
13,779 posts, read 23,211,008 times
Reputation: 7378
Set this one free. I would not even communicate with her if she texts, emails or calls. She is a user...just wait, she'll be calling you when her marriage breaks up.
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Old 08-26-2008, 09:06 PM
Location: Las Vegas, NV
700 posts, read 2,283,157 times
Reputation: 392
Akward moment coming....and in Antigua.
You did the right thing, just say "congrats" but decline, as you said you dont know her.
She is just trying to have as many people at the wedding as she can for her own validation and most likely will spend only a few moments in your company, leaving you to return home and feel silly.

Now if she is paying for everyone to go to Antigua...kidding! Still wouldnt go because that would be wrong.

She doesnt consider you a friend you are in her address book, big difference.
As you said, you have a very strong idea of the people that you conside your friends now, go with that.

Would you invite her to yours? really....

Good Luck, matters of friendship and history can get funny...but ultimately you know the answer.

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Old 08-26-2008, 09:07 PM
Location: MA/NH
16,469 posts, read 33,425,465 times
Reputation: 15203
You are only a longtime close acquaintance of hers, not a real friend imo. And you are also connected to her by being in the same high school graduating class. Young people, particularly young women, are very keen on having a lot of "friends" to make them feel popular and they have a need to feel liked by many almost indescriminately. Later on (hopefully), they learn what the difference is between a real friend and a close acquaintance.

My boyfriend's younger sister used to drive him crazy with her requests trying to get him be her friend on Friendster. He wasn't a member and didn't want to be. Yet she kept sending him the requests once a month. She also joined a sorority while she was in college. Again, more faux friends. Then when she dropped out of college due to personal issues, none of them were there for her. We weren't surprised, but she was.
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Old 08-27-2008, 01:09 AM
25,573 posts, read 23,769,893 times
Reputation: 44094
"......Women get all strange with weddings... "

I havent been to one in about 10 years. Aside from Rance and Swedens wedding, which will be very special, I doubt highly that Ive missed much over the years.
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Old 08-27-2008, 06:40 AM
28,906 posts, read 45,211,944 times
Reputation: 45815
Well, for somebody you don't give a rip about, you've devoted two full paragraphs to her. Mind you, I'm not trying to flame you at all, but there seems to be some buried feelings here, or else you would have blown her off without telling a message board full o'strangers.

However, let's move on to the subject at hand. Your friend is a narcissist. She likes the idea of collecting "friends" much the way one collects stamps or snow globes or those little souvenir pewter spoons that you find at every tourist attraction in America. Of course, they're not there to be interacted with. Rather, they're there to be arrayed about her in a decorative pattern for her very special day. She might as well have called Central Casting and ordered up a couple of hundred guests--Not too tall, not too short, well-dressed, and the women shouldn't be pretty enough to outshine her as she walks down the aisle.

The problem with people like this is that they like the idea of having lots of friends, but they do not like actually being a friend to any of them. You mention being used as her alibi for her college trip as if it's no big deal, but it evidently still rankles. Yet if you examine her life, I'm fairly certain that you will find that she's feathered the nest with dozens and dozens of people just like you, people with whom she can compulsively flit around and pretend that they are actually involved members of her universe. Yet, later in life, she'll probably wonder why nobody is there for her when the marriage fails or some other life crisis occurs.

So, be polite. But remember that, if you're lucky, you get a handful of really, really good friends in life. The rest are mostly acquaintances. And this woman is one of them.
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Old 08-27-2008, 09:03 AM
Location: Tennessee
4,739 posts, read 7,400,928 times
Reputation: 2945
Your her safe house, someone from the past that hasn't disappointed her, A real friend in her eyes. I think you would be missing out on a possible lifelong friend if you don't go. By telling her Mom she was at your house she knew her Mom would not object because she knew you were viewed as someone of unquestionable character. Thats a good thing.
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Old 08-27-2008, 09:09 AM
4,899 posts, read 16,250,807 times
Reputation: 3790
she is probably trying to show her new family how she still has friends from her childhood. it is nonsense. and a destination wedding of all things. i dont think so. you did the right thing.
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