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Old 09-03-2008, 08:31 AM
 
485 posts, read 1,660,659 times
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When I look back through my life I remember alot of conflict with people. There has been very little yelling or screaming but instead alot of silence, avoidance, people who worked behind the scenes to discredit me at the office, short answers and awkward silences during family events and lack of personal chemistry with in laws, neighbors and other people I have tried so hard to get along with.

Maybe the level of conflict I have with people is small in comparison with the average person. Maybe most people have all the problems I have, but they do not stress about it because it is expected that each of us will not connect with most people.

I try very hard to get along with everyone and try to use the things in Dale Carnegie's "How to win friends and influence people" Book, but it does not seem to work in my interactions with many people.

Just how much interpersonal conflict (of the hidden silent type) do you have with people?
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Old 09-22-2008, 08:37 AM
 
Location: Wethersfield, CT
1,269 posts, read 3,720,331 times
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I know with me, I tend to be a more reserved person. I'm social to a point, but I don't go out of my way. I rarely talk on the phone to people and find that I have a hard time making an initiative to family and friends. My younger sister is like this too.

I think this has a lot to do with our childhood. We were often left alone for long periods of time as children.

I'm not sure if this helps you or not. I truley believe that a child is molded to be the person we are as adults.

Feel free to PM me if you need to talk.
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Old 09-22-2008, 11:53 AM
 
25,165 posts, read 48,415,427 times
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Hi Refugee,

It is common with me only if I have to interact with a lot of people. The less people I interact with, the less silent treatment, the less rude body language, the less arguments, the less insults, the less depression, the less anxiety, the less paranoia, the less drama, the less lectures I have to give on social etiquette ...lol you get the hint.

I also dislike it when people pretend that nothing is every wrong in the world. I think a lot of people are pollyannas and paint the world as very happy and pro-social were everybody has good intentions and wants to be buddy buddy with each other. That just isn't true. I've found that those people are the most self-absorbed and pretty ignorant. They have selective memory and cannot and will not remember or recall the many malicious or anti-social people they've encountered in life because they want to keep the idea that the world is purely fantastic and wonderful at all times.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Refugee56 View Post
When I look back through my life I remember alot of conflict with people. There has been very little yelling or screaming but instead alot of silence, avoidance, people who worked behind the scenes to discredit me at the office, short answers and awkward silences during family events and lack of personal chemistry with in laws, neighbors and other people I have tried so hard to get along with.

Maybe the level of conflict I have with people is small in comparison with the average person. Maybe most people have all the problems I have, but they do not stress about it because it is expected that each of us will not connect with most people.

I try very hard to get along with everyone and try to use the things in Dale Carnegie's "How to win friends and influence people" Book, but it does not seem to work in my interactions with many people.

Just how much interpersonal conflict (of the hidden silent type) do you have with people?
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Old 09-22-2008, 12:03 PM
 
13,779 posts, read 23,735,176 times
Reputation: 7409
Quote:
Originally Posted by Refugee56 View Post
When I look back through my life I remember alot of conflict with people. There has been very little yelling or screaming but instead alot of silence, avoidance, people who worked behind the scenes to discredit me at the office, short answers and awkward silences during family events and lack of personal chemistry with in laws, neighbors and other people I have tried so hard to get along with.

Maybe the level of conflict I have with people is small in comparison with the average person. Maybe most people have all the problems I have, but they do not stress about it because it is expected that each of us will not connect with most people.

I try very hard to get along with everyone and try to use the things in Dale Carnegie's "How to win friends and influence people" Book, but it does not seem to work in my interactions with many people.

Just how much interpersonal conflict (of the hidden silent type) do you have with people?
OK, after reading your other posts it seems like you may have a few things going on...

1) you are too interested in what other people think about you and your life.

2) you are too interested in what other people are doing with their lives.

3) you do not seem to have a positive self image if you are concerned about these things and people pick up on that.

Perhaps people feel you are always wanting more and are never happy with what you have so they harbor resentment towards you. They may feel they do not measure up to your standards so they stop trying.

Maybe you appear too needy for attention. The thread you wrote about your neighbors seemed sort of strange to me.

Try not to analyze it too much. Sometimes relationships just boil down to chemistry.

I let a woman get under my skin last week for a few days because she acts like she does not know me or anyone else when she sees us and I realized it is her problem...sometimes you just need to chalk it up to the unfixable problems.
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Old 09-22-2008, 12:10 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 48,415,427 times
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^I just avoid people altogether but when I see somebody that appears fun, cute, intellectual, or interesting I make small talk. That isn't too often though.
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Old 09-22-2008, 12:12 PM
 
13,779 posts, read 23,735,176 times
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Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
^I just avoid people altogether but when I see somebody that appears fun, cute, intellectual, or interesting I make small talk. That isn't too often though.
Avoidance works well
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Old 09-22-2008, 12:51 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,564 posts, read 36,552,323 times
Reputation: 13180
Quote:
Originally Posted by Refugee56 View Post
When I look back through my life I remember alot of conflict with people. There has been very little yelling or screaming but instead alot of silence, avoidance, people who worked behind the scenes to discredit me at the office, short answers and awkward silences during family events and lack of personal chemistry with in laws, neighbors and other people I have tried so hard to get along with.

Maybe the level of conflict I have with people is small in comparison with the average person. Maybe most people have all the problems I have, but they do not stress about it because it is expected that each of us will not connect with most people.

I try very hard to get along with everyone and try to use the things in Dale Carnegie's "How to win friends and influence people" Book, but it does not seem to work in my interactions with many people.

Just how much interpersonal conflict (of the hidden silent type) do you have with people?

Oh noooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! Not you again!!!!!!

The book doesn't work for you. You are the exception.
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Old 09-22-2008, 03:59 PM
 
822 posts, read 2,678,139 times
Reputation: 430
Yeah, I've had a lot of conflict with relationships in my life. Let's see, here are my thoughts:1. A lot of relationships have a power and control element - especially in a work environment, but also in a family context. If you're not tough and secure in yourself, these can eat you up. A lot of people face a lot of conflict, but accept it as a way of life, not something completely unexpected and traumatic that arises again and again.2. I think if you are a chameleon or have a facade, this can cause conflict and confusion. 3. For me, my family history might cause problems in future relationships - you know, troubles with divorced parents, stepparents, etc. that fester.For you, as soon as you mentioned Dale Carnegie, it sent off some red flags. You just want to be solid about who you are. If you're starting with some element of "fakeness" or facade, then it might cascade. But yeah, life has a lot of conflict. Avoidance is nice. I do it as much as I can.
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Old 09-22-2008, 04:00 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 48,415,427 times
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I'm not saying the world is not a happy and fun place, because it is sometimes and it is generally peaceful; however, at work and school it came be a real war zone where tons of people fight over power and control. I'd rather just be safe working in my own office or in the back only talking to a few people here and there. Keep it simple is what I say. I don't want to come across as very negative because there are fun things to do in life.
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Old 09-22-2008, 05:47 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 79,053,611 times
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In case you don't know the definition of a dysfunctional family - it's a family with more than one member!
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