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Old 09-15-2008, 02:17 PM
 
Location: Denver, CO
3,530 posts, read 8,720,793 times
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lola, thanks for that. I suppose intellectually I know this is all true, it's just bothersome is all. And Sierra, I've had friends with whom we've mutually drifted apart too, so I get that. Maybe it was the way I heard her stop, therefore she saw me and then thought, omg I don't want to talk to her, so then she crept away from me. Kind of cowardly. Oh well. I better grow up sometime! (maybe when I turn 40) lol

Lindsey: I hear ya. Like I said, it was more the way she tried to quietly walk away. That's where I pinpoint the irritation I'm having. I mean, if we were passing and she said hi and I said hi, like a quick walk by, I'd think nothing of it. I wouldn't run to the office to email her or call her or anything. I'd be thinking more like you guys, oh we just drifted apart.
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Old 09-15-2008, 02:24 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 48,311,468 times
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Hi,
Yes I have. That is why I said I was sorry about the situation. It isn't good; however, I've found that 6 out of 10 people are toxic in some way and not worth thinking about or being with.

Just be happy you have had the good times, other times you must be happy with yourself and enjoy individual time.

Quote:
Originally Posted by wanttomoveeast View Post
Artsy and Sierra:

I know. I mean I know that it was a work thing. Still hurts. And not knowing why is agonizing. Have any of you had friends dump you?

So I have a work friend now. We get along famously. We've done TONS of things outside the office. We went to a chili festival last weekend. I've had dinner with her. Lots of happy hours. Should I just not invest (emotionally) myself as much??

Last edited by artsyguy; 09-15-2008 at 02:32 PM..
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Old 09-15-2008, 02:25 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Sure. It's normally a gradual mutual drifting apart.
I'm not sure that a gradual drifting apart is the same as being 'dumped'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by wanttomoveeast View Post

I know. I mean I know that it was a work thing. Still hurts. And not knowing why is agonizing. Have any of you had friends dump you?

So I have a work friend now. We get along famously. We've done TONS of things outside the office. We went to a chili festival last weekend. I've had dinner with her. Lots of happy hours. Should I just not invest (emotionally) myself as much??
Yes, I have been dumped. Twice actually. Once when I was 15 when I moved overseas to school. The first time when I came home to visit she hugged me and said how much she missed me. The next time, she didn't speak to me and has never spoken to me again. No explanation, no fight, nothing.
I still sometimes think about it to this day. She was absolutely my best friend for several years. Did everything together.

The second time was a college friend who was my housemate in college and then again in London after we had graduated. We even went on a Round the World 3 month trip together. She moved over seas and so had I (I was getting married).
We used to e.mail all the time and were very good friends. She just stopped talking to me one day and flat out disappeared. I was very hurt because I had valued her friendship very highly.
We got back in contact years later, and I asked what I had done to cause her to drop me like that. I figured maybe I had said something or done something, and just not realized. She said that things had ended badly with her boyfriend and she had moved back to Engalnd and just couldn't deal. She apologized, and now we are back to e.mailing regularly. I've known her for 14 odd years (on and off) so I am very happy to be back in touch with her, and hopefully we will meet up in person soon either in the UK or over here.

So maybe it's not about you. It could be stuff in HER life that has led her to distance herself from people.... or just you. I know it hurts, but don't cut off from your existing friends, work or not. Work friends can turn into 'real' friends, just like anyone else. In fact I have someone who started out a work friend arriving from the UK to visit on Wednesday. She was a bridesmaid at my wedding. All friendships have to start somewhere!

I know it's tough, but there really isn't anything you can do. Just know that it could just as easily be something that is going on in her life totally seperate from you, and probably not something you did at all.
Sorry for your loss and good luck with your new friends!
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Old 09-15-2008, 02:25 PM
 
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I agree with Lola. Cute post!

Quote:
Originally Posted by lola8822 View Post
IMO.....I think the word "friend" is over-rated and over-used......what is that saying? You can count the number of true friends you will have in your lifetime on one hand? I have found this to be true, for me at least. My mom, my husband, my daughter and my cousin are my best friends and they are the only people I would even consider calling friends.....sure, I have girls I hang out with on weekends, girls night out type stuff...shopping and whatever. But I've just come to find that friends come and go....some get jealous and leave, some just leave for no reason at all.......bottom line...they're pretty much over-rated IMO.
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Old 09-15-2008, 02:28 PM
 
13,779 posts, read 23,680,679 times
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Ehhhh, forget about her. Maybe something happened and she never told you her feelings were hurt, or someone told her something that tainted her view of you, or maybe she did not feel like talking to you because she did not have make up on or something...it does not matter. Let it go. She has to deal with the fact that she did not value your friendship enough to talk to you about the issue.
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Old 09-15-2008, 02:31 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 48,311,468 times
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This is another good post. Sometimes I've avoided talking to be people in the past because I was worried about them judging my bad hair day or judging me because I lost too much weight or gained too much weight....at other times I was walking around and hadn't brushed my teeth that day, so I tried to avoid people at that point so as not to offend..lol

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart View Post
Ehhhh, forget about her. Maybe something happened and she never told you her feelings were hurt, or someone told her something that tainted her view of you, or maybe she did not feel like talking to you because she did not have make up on or something...it does not matter. Let it go. She has to deal with the fact that she did not value your friendship enough to talk to you about the issue.
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Old 09-15-2008, 02:35 PM
 
13,779 posts, read 23,680,679 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
This is another good post. Sometimes I've avoided talking to be people in the past because I was worried about them judging my bad hair day or judging me because I lost too much weight or gained too much weight....at other times I was walking around and hadn't brushed my teeth that day, so I tried to avoid people at that point so as not to offend..lol
Actually, I was speaking from experience when I wrote that Last week I was painting and I would just run out the door to get the kids looking yucky. I avoided people like the plague last week and I got called out on it too! Oh well, maybe I am more vain than I thought
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Old 09-15-2008, 02:37 PM
 
Location: SUNNY AZ
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
I agree with Lola. Cute post!
I try
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Old 09-15-2008, 02:37 PM
 
Location: Denver, CO
3,530 posts, read 8,720,793 times
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thanks guys... I'll try to see it as her loss. Or try to see that perhaps something is going on with her. Tomorrow will be a better day. And I'll hang on to my work friend because unlike other work friends (which seemed to be reserved for happy hours only), she likes to do things other than just drink, which gives me great hope that we can be actual friends.
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Old 09-15-2008, 06:34 PM
 
Location: somewhere south of Canada
2,161 posts, read 3,858,097 times
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I've had friends dump me, and I've dumped one who I felt was just to "toxic" to keep in my life anymore. One of the ones who dumped me actually agreed to meet me for dinner at a restaurant when I came into town (I'd been living overseas and was there for vacation w a different friend). When I got there, she came up to me and told me that the only reason she agreed to meet me was to tell me that we are no longer friends, that I had hurt her and she felt like we had nothing in common anymore. I asked her what the heck I had done 'cause I couldn't think of a darn thing and her response was, I don't want to get into a pi**ing contest with you, I'm leaving.

I was stunned, but after her public display I just figured she'd lost her mind, and moved on with my life. Real friends will not dump you, not tell you why, and refuse to talk about it.
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