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Old 09-26-2008, 08:02 AM
 
4,897 posts, read 18,443,724 times
Reputation: 3884

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i think your husband needs to get in touch with his father. they need to take how ever much time they have left to heal together.
i believe this life is about lessons and ways to elevate your conciousness. up until your very last breath, you have time to rectify the mistakes you made in your life.
everyone deserves that chance to at least admit their mistakes so they can go in peace. give your father in law that chance. your husband might be sorry if he doesnt. you never know where this life will lead. your husband may go through something like this at the end of his life...
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Old 09-26-2008, 08:20 AM
 
81 posts, read 256,701 times
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I am not sure what to say really. I am in the same boat as your hubby. I haven't spoke to my dad in years(neither have my brother or sister). My father NEVER accepted responsibility for raping my mother and holding a gun to her head. For that matter he never accepted responsibility for anything that ran amuck. He ALWAYS blamed someone else. Right now I could care less if he fell off the face of the earth. Would I feel the same way if I got "that phone call"? Hard to say. I would tell your husband to listen to his heart. He has to be the one to decide. I will be in the same boat one day so I appreciate this thread. It sucks that things can be so screwed up where you don't want to talk to your own parents!
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Old 09-26-2008, 09:26 AM
 
Location: Between Philadelphia and Allentown, PA
5,077 posts, read 14,607,385 times
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I sent you a private message but you can search the threads of mine and I have an almost exact situation to yours and my entire story is in that thread.... not a good ending but we are all dealing and it is what it is.
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Old 09-26-2008, 09:51 AM
 
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 15,073,440 times
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Default Completely separate relationships

What I will never understand is why your husband is holding a grudge against his father. He left his mother, not him. It sounds to me like your husband cut off the relationship with his father over something that had nothing to do with him. I will never understand why adult children feel the need to take sides when their parent split. Your husband is setting a poor example for your children. How does he think they are going to treat him after seeing how he treats he father?
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Old 09-26-2008, 10:01 AM
 
429 posts, read 1,145,483 times
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I think you should leave it alone. Give your husband the facts as you know them, tell him what you think, and don't bring it up again. This really has to be his choice.
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Old 09-26-2008, 10:01 AM
 
5,273 posts, read 7,330,576 times
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CE^^^^^^^^^
He was treated poorly growing up by his dad...They were never close..He never spent any quality time with his own kids, only one of them for a while and that faded.. he was too busy with his church going friends to have actual time for his own family....I think I wrote that somewhere here....It wasn't just due to his mom and his father getting a divorce...

If it was only between his mother and him then why didn't his father contact him in 15 years? He could pick up the phone and explain to him that it wasn't his (meaning my husband's fault, that it was between he and his mother)..
Double edge sword I guess!
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Old 09-26-2008, 10:06 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
4,739 posts, read 8,353,961 times
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Knowing how time changes everything I would go see him, if his perspective doesn't change over the years then no harm no foul, but if it does he doesn't get to call do overs. Being the bigger man can bring peace at times.
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Old 09-26-2008, 10:10 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
10,196 posts, read 17,752,593 times
Reputation: 13903
I agree with Anneee, despite what I said before, I was speaking about what I think your husband should do. But at the end of the day, you can't force him to do something he doesn't want to. If he won't reach out to his dad, you'll just have to let it go.
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Old 09-26-2008, 10:29 AM
 
5,273 posts, read 7,330,576 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PA2UK View Post
I agree with Anneee, despite what I said before, I was speaking about what I think your husband should do. But at the end of the day, you can't force him to do something he doesn't want to. If he won't reach out to his dad, you'll just have to let it go.

exactly PA ....I cannot make him do anything, just be there for him...I just wanted a different perspective on all of this mess!!!

It is so hard dealing with this in families..(my own included, have had my share of sht too)....Every family I know has something...........
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Old 09-26-2008, 10:31 AM
 
5,273 posts, read 7,330,576 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rcm58 View Post
Knowing how time changes everything I would go see him, if his perspective doesn't change over the years then no harm no foul, but if it does he doesn't get to call do overs. Being the bigger man can bring peace at times.

I did tell him be the bigger one and make peace, but he is an adult, and he went through all of this, not I..........I told him to tell him how proud he is of his beautiful twins(almost 4 years old) and wonderful wife he has! (I threw that one in!)
I personally have never met his dad as we have been married for almost 7 years..
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