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Unread 09-26-2008, 07:02 AM
 
4,892 posts, read 11,007,155 times
Reputation: 3592
i think your husband needs to get in touch with his father. they need to take how ever much time they have left to heal together.
i believe this life is about lessons and ways to elevate your conciousness. up until your very last breath, you have time to rectify the mistakes you made in your life.
everyone deserves that chance to at least admit their mistakes so they can go in peace. give your father in law that chance. your husband might be sorry if he doesnt. you never know where this life will lead. your husband may go through something like this at the end of his life...
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Unread 09-26-2008, 07:20 AM
 
81 posts, read 151,789 times
Reputation: 55
I am not sure what to say really. I am in the same boat as your hubby. I haven't spoke to my dad in years(neither have my brother or sister). My father NEVER accepted responsibility for raping my mother and holding a gun to her head. For that matter he never accepted responsibility for anything that ran amuck. He ALWAYS blamed someone else. Right now I could care less if he fell off the face of the earth. Would I feel the same way if I got "that phone call"? Hard to say. I would tell your husband to listen to his heart. He has to be the one to decide. I will be in the same boat one day so I appreciate this thread. It sucks that things can be so screwed up where you don't want to talk to your own parents!
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Unread 09-26-2008, 08:26 AM
 
Location: Between Philadelphia and Allentown, PA
5,079 posts, read 7,856,293 times
Reputation: 3589
I sent you a private message but you can search the threads of mine and I have an almost exact situation to yours and my entire story is in that thread.... not a good ending but we are all dealing and it is what it is.
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Unread 09-26-2008, 08:51 AM
 
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 8,795,417 times
Reputation: 3586
Default Completely separate relationships

What I will never understand is why your husband is holding a grudge against his father. He left his mother, not him. It sounds to me like your husband cut off the relationship with his father over something that had nothing to do with him. I will never understand why adult children feel the need to take sides when their parent split. Your husband is setting a poor example for your children. How does he think they are going to treat him after seeing how he treats he father?
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Unread 09-26-2008, 09:01 AM
 
410 posts, read 628,968 times
Reputation: 386
I think you should leave it alone. Give your husband the facts as you know them, tell him what you think, and don't bring it up again. This really has to be his choice.
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Unread 09-26-2008, 09:01 AM
 
5,266 posts, read 3,999,731 times
Reputation: 14851
CE^^^^^^^^^
He was treated poorly growing up by his dad...They were never close..He never spent any quality time with his own kids, only one of them for a while and that faded.. he was too busy with his church going friends to have actual time for his own family....I think I wrote that somewhere here....It wasn't just due to his mom and his father getting a divorce...

If it was only between his mother and him then why didn't his father contact him in 15 years? He could pick up the phone and explain to him that it wasn't his (meaning my husband's fault, that it was between he and his mother)..
Double edge sword I guess!
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Unread 09-26-2008, 09:06 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
4,739 posts, read 5,091,551 times
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Knowing how time changes everything I would go see him, if his perspective doesn't change over the years then no harm no foul, but if it does he doesn't get to call do overs. Being the bigger man can bring peace at times.
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Unread 09-26-2008, 09:10 AM
 
Location: Bucks County, PA
4,982 posts, read 5,556,293 times
Reputation: 5633
I agree with Anneee, despite what I said before, I was speaking about what I think your husband should do. But at the end of the day, you can't force him to do something he doesn't want to. If he won't reach out to his dad, you'll just have to let it go.
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Unread 09-26-2008, 09:29 AM
 
5,266 posts, read 3,999,731 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PA2UK View Post
I agree with Anneee, despite what I said before, I was speaking about what I think your husband should do. But at the end of the day, you can't force him to do something he doesn't want to. If he won't reach out to his dad, you'll just have to let it go.

exactly PA ....I cannot make him do anything, just be there for him...I just wanted a different perspective on all of this mess!!!

It is so hard dealing with this in families..(my own included, have had my share of sht too)....Every family I know has something...........
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Unread 09-26-2008, 09:31 AM
 
5,266 posts, read 3,999,731 times
Reputation: 14851
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rcm58 View Post
Knowing how time changes everything I would go see him, if his perspective doesn't change over the years then no harm no foul, but if it does he doesn't get to call do overs. Being the bigger man can bring peace at times.

I did tell him be the bigger one and make peace, but he is an adult, and he went through all of this, not I..........I told him to tell him how proud he is of his beautiful twins(almost 4 years old) and wonderful wife he has! (I threw that one in!)
I personally have never met his dad as we have been married for almost 7 years..
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