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Old 10-18-2008, 06:42 PM
 
Location: Idaho
873 posts, read 1,443,164 times
Reputation: 257

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Favoritism hurts, plain and simple. One thing we learned as children growing up in a family that regularly plays favorites (children, grandchildren, etc.,) was NOT to treat our children any different then the others. If one gets something, they all get it, if we take one out, we take all out and so on. Birthdays are always recognized even if all we can do is a phone call.

The good news your child needs to understand is that this is how grandma and grandpa miss out. They don't get to enjoy his/her company. Not that it's going to make all the pain go away, but it's a start.

We have grand-children in the family who will not call the grandparents by anything but their first names. They don't consider them grandparents.
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Old 10-18-2008, 07:00 PM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC
973 posts, read 2,968,634 times
Reputation: 1236
My brothers and I had a discussion last year about favoritism in the family. When I said how it had hurt my feelings since childhood to know that both of them were favored over me, they were shocked! They both expressed that they always felt that I was our parents little angel. I pointed out that our parents were always bailing them out of financial messes, buying them things, etc...

When we drew our parents into the discussion, they were horrified to think of all the hurt we each had felt for so many years. Mom explained it best when she said that she didn't have a favorite, just a different relationship with each of us. She also said the reason I wasn't showered with monetary gifts like my brothers was because I was much more responsible than they were and didn't need to be bailed out. We all came to the conclusion that we had each spent a lifetime being envious of the others for the wrong reasons.

Maybe the "favoritism" thing in your family isn't viewed the same way by the others.
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Old 10-18-2008, 07:09 PM
 
Location: Idaho
873 posts, read 1,443,164 times
Reputation: 257
Quote:
Originally Posted by gizmobizmo View Post
My brothers and I had a discussion last year about favoritism in the family. When I said how it had hurt my feelings since childhood to know that both of them were favored over me, they were shocked! They both expressed that they always felt that I was our parents little angel. I pointed out that our parents were always bailing them out of financial messes, buying them things, etc...

When we drew our parents into the discussion, they were horrified to think of all the hurt we each had felt for so many years. Mom explained it best when she said that she didn't have a favorite, just a different relationship with each of us. She also said the reason I wasn't showered with monetary gifts like my brothers was because I was much more responsible than they were and didn't need to be bailed out. We all came to the conclusion that we had each spent a lifetime being envious of the others for the wrong reasons.

Maybe the "favoritism" thing in your family isn't viewed the same way by the others.
Wow, how sweet of your parents! That is cool that they would discuss that with you an openly share their thoughts. Unfortunately, the grandparents in this case don't even try to deny it. They admit it.
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Old 10-20-2008, 11:16 AM
 
5 posts, read 7,519 times
Reputation: 14
Default thank you

Thank you for all of your replies, I really appreciate it.
I know the simple thing to do would be to talk to them about it, problem is I know their feelings would be hurt, and I would rather cut off my arm than hurt them.
I wonder sometimes if they really don't see it. There was a situation building about four months ago (had nothing to do with Disney) and I spoke with them about how my son felt slighted and was hurt. They immediately felt awful about it and invited him over for the weekend to spend time with him.
Those of you that said favoritism hurts, you were so right. Thanks again.
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Old 10-20-2008, 12:13 PM
 
Location: Orlando
8,181 posts, read 16,526,299 times
Reputation: 49780
Ok....I've posted before that I'm a daddy's girl. From the day I was born.
Seriously....he was in line to register for college. The last day possible when they announced over the loud speaker (no cell phones) that he was to go home immediately. He got out of line, got to the hospital late, walked right by my mother not saying anything, and headed straight to the nursery to see me. Never went back to check on my mom, went back to the college to get back in line. And I wonder why mom didn't care for me much.

My mom's favorite was my younger brother. It's like she never quite knew what to do with the other three.

My younger brother has basically chosen his wife's family over his own, so she's turned to me.

Now I'm the favored by both. This is not all fun and games. In our family it's not the gifts and the trips that are given to the fav, it's the responsibility of errands, banking and bill paying.


We all four joke about it now, as to who HAS to be the favorite
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Old 10-20-2008, 01:00 PM
 
Location: Southern Maine, Greater Portland
511 posts, read 790,813 times
Reputation: 522
This happens in my family too, and I see it in other peoples families as well. I've always wondered what is going on in the minds of the people that are doing the favoring and wonder if they even realize that they're doing it. It is hurtful and maybe this post will help people to look inside themselves and see if maybe they are guilty of it and make an extra effort to be a little more concious of how they treat their loved ones. Thanks for creating this post.
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