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Jeepgirl, I am so sorry your joy has been marred by your adoptive parent's words. Hopefully time will take the sting away & the happy times ahead will cause these sad memories to fade into the background.
Every time I witness verbal cruelty between relatives (it's in my family too), it seems the ones most vocal are really angriest at themselves. They know somewhere deep down that they have f***d up, but they lash out at others. How do your adoptive parents treat eachother?
He is very controlling toward my adopted mom. He has such a weird control. Some family members thinks that he may hit her and that is why she is so scared to go against him. When I was 5, she cheated on him with his sisters husband.
He found out by tapping the phone. Found out yesterday that my Uncle still has the tapes from that from so many years ago. Evidently, he was given them when I was little to hold so they weren't in the house for her to find. That is why she cannot call me, as she told my Aunt, she thinks he is tapping again and she is afraid of finding out because he told her to not talk to me. Evidently, he checks the phone logs on the bill as well.
So she pretty much does what he tells her. My Aunt believes he is a Sociopath. Adopted mom is afraid of starting over in her early 60's, so she deals with being his mini-me. Every time they fight, to this day, he holds in her face about cheating on him, every chance he gets, it is his control over her. She complained about it to me last Summer when I was living in Phoenix. When she and I would go out shopping or what not, he would call and say, "Ok, come home now, I am hungry." We'd have to drop everything and she'd have to hurry home to cook for him. He is just as mentally/verbally abusive toward her. Physically, some people think so. My son cannot stand him and I kept my son away from him when he screamed at my son for stepping in gum in a parking lot before getting into the car, calling him stupid and a dumb mother-f'er and all of the insults that go with that needless rage. He and I had a huge fight about that because I told him that no way, no how was I going to allow him to EVER talk down to my son as he does all of us. That was the last time my son basically saw him and asked me to not bring him around him again. Was not the final fall-out, but that was just months before it. Just a messed up, very dysfunctional situation that I am relieved that I no longer have to subjected my son and myself to anymore.
So when are you all getting your degrees? You all make a helluva team.
You've all really helped in keeping things in perspective for me and I am very grateful you've cared enough to keep my stubborn head straight. Thank you!
I'm happy you wrote this post. I read it in part to my sisters o a 3-way call last night and we talked about whether there were any possible deep seeded resentments. They said their two only regrets are that our mom is not alive to share in this with them ...and that they did not get to steal my clothes out of my closet growing up. They are grateful for the fact that they bypassed getting their hair pulled and picked on by me.
They both said that after having been told by the oldest how our mom slipped into a depression and was affected for years upon years over the adoption, they know it would be our moms only wish to cherish and embrace this coming together and that they could not imagine having it any other way. They are very happy and relieved that we're all back together - and they are outright livid and disgusted in my adopted parents behavior and treatment toward me. They were outraged when they were read their email.
They said the only thing in the positive about our mom not being here to see our reunion is that her knowing how the adopted p's are would drive her up the wall and would've made her very upset and would have added to her state of existing guilt and sorrow for giving me up. They said they cannot see any negatives (they are extremely family oriented and are together on a constant everyday it seems). They said in the future, we may disagree or argue, but they said that comes with being sisters, and said that they will not adopt me out again for it, said we will work through it. They said I am now stuck with them. It was very moving when they said it. Made me all watery eyed - was just what I needed to hear.
On day at a time. For now, this is a great start and this is a really special Christmas season for both my son and I. Still hard to believe sometimes, it's all still soaking in.
Thank you for your post. I am happy and relieved that I talked about it with them.
Jeep glad you got to share openess with your sisters and they were receptive! Maybe with this bio side having closure by your new beginnings the other side will start the healing process.
Sorry to read about your parents in your other post above maybe once dad is gone you and your mom can get some true resolve possibly.
Chin up and move forward with your son and make this the best holidays of your lives. After all our kids know when 'mama ain't happy nobody is happy' so cling to each other building up the bond that won't ever, ever be broken.
congrats to u!! Wow!! Miracles do happen. I recently found my daughter to whom i had given up for adoption in 1981. What a might good gos i serve. Jesus is still in the miracle business! I no that u r very excited!! I am excited for u too. Enjoy your new family. May the blessings of the lord be with you and your family.
Hey girl! I hope you have the greatest time getting to know your siblings and all your new/biological family. That is great news. May you and yours be a huge blessing to each other!!!!! I'm excited for you. There is nothing like family to love.
A lot of us were very disappointed when we read Jeepgirls update a few days ago....seems like there hasn't been a happy ending after.
<shrug> Well, Jeep has her son....and who knows about the rest of the family despite the loan moocher....might turn out ok. Frankly, when Jeep talks about her son....I feel she has everything she needs in her life, for now.
As a birthmother, my heart aches to hear that you missed meeting your birthmom and that your adoptive parents are being so hateful.
As a child who found my biological father and his family after 18 1/2 years of separation, I feel your joy as well.
In some ways, you have a fresh start... everyone on your bio side that is alive is completely blameless in the situation that caused you to be adopted. I can see how that can cause others to be mean and nasty... not that I excuse or am attempting to justify their behavior, but how sad for them... you now have an alternative to their nastiness.
God Bless!
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Congrats to you!!!
