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Old 11-19-2008, 10:47 AM
13,779 posts, read 23,684,126 times
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I have had to cut off two friends...one was more of a gradual situation and we still remain "Christmas Card" friends..know what I mean?? She was very needy...calls at 3 in the morning, always so much drama, and I wanted to help her so much. Well, my desire to help her started interferring with my life...

The second "cut off" was more dramatic...my friend was pregnant, miscarried and she sent out a mass email that was so incredibly crass and graphic...it was almost mocking the miscarriage. She said she was glad she would not have morning sickness, have to wear maternity clothes, go through labor, etc...I have had several miscarriages myself and I was very uncomfortable reading this.

I sent her a private email telling her how sorry I was that she was going through a hard time but that I wanted to be removed from her mass email list when she sent out more emails like that. She responded back with some snarky remarks about my lack of sense of humor, I was insensitive, etc....

I did not respond. She wrote a few times and then showed up at my place of business one day but I did not talk to her about it...

That was about 1.5 years ago.
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Old 07-02-2015, 11:27 PM
2,502 posts, read 1,534,711 times
Reputation: 5348
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
Being single or not is irrelevant. You don't have to be friends with someone for your wife to be friends with them. Or you can act as a couple. It's up to you.
Yes, you're right - you don't have to be friends with your wife/girlfriend's friends.

However (and relevant to this thread), if you're a guy, your girlfriend or wife's friends become part of your life as well, whether you want them in it or not. I have actually ended relationships with girlfriends over the years because I couldn't stand their $%$#@#% friends. I knew that if the relationship(s) continued - or if we got married (shudder!) I would have to continue to tolerate these people that I truly despised.

Note that I have no interest in LTR's anymore, and am extremely happy I didn't get married to any of these women - their friends would have driven me crazy...

Last edited by The Big Lebowski Dude; 07-02-2015 at 11:37 PM..
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Old 07-05-2015, 08:23 AM
1,178 posts, read 957,771 times
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Originally Posted by Sprawling_Homeowner View Post
Meet John. A very close friend of mine. John and I disagreed on the issue of "cutting off" people.

Specifically, it involved 2 guys who like John are married, with kids. One is "Bob," whom I was close to in college and who was a buddy of John's back in school too. (John and I knew each other in school as well but we were just acquaintances then).

The other is "Prix," whom I met only once, through John. (I chose the name "Prix" cuz calling him "Prick" would've been too easy.)

Prix is an arrogant, sarcastic, self-absorbed jackass. I saw all this on the one occasion we met, and I later told John I did not get a good impression of Prix. John told me I was far from the only one; John's wife doesn't like Prix (and the 3 have all known each other for more than 15 years). Others who are friends w/ both John and John's wife, according to John, do not like Prix.

As for Bob... Bob is a nice guy with a severe case of laziness and sloppiness. Bob is chronically late (30-45 minutes and sometimes more), very unproactive, and therefore very frustrating to deal with when it comes to organizing guys' nights out. He's done several gaffes which over a few recent years began to drive me away from him. Suffice it to say the guy can be clueless and just plainly lacking in consideration and very unprofessional.

So John and I were talking over drinks a few weeks ago and both Prix and Bob came up. I had already told John never to invite me to anything where Prix would be present. So, I asked him why he even puts up with Prix given how arrogant and condescending he is, and given that many in John's social circle (many of whom I know, even if only as acquaintances) have a deep distaste for Prix.

(To illustrate Prix's notoriety, Prix often organizes BBQs at his house and these friends of John tend to abstain, and John feels "bad" and goes, and it falls upon John to tell Prix that the others "couldn't make it.")

John said that while at times he's been tempted to tell Prix many people don't like him, Prix would react angrily, insist John tell him who these were, and John reasons that once Prix confronted these folks, they'd deny it, and Prix would get mad at John. And the fact that Prix and John have known each other since their early 20s and that Prix was the one who introduced John to the woman who became John's wife play a role too.

As for Bob - because Bob has committed a number of gaffes over time that have made him lose all credibility with me (and with other friends too - including John himself, as John admitted), I told John my friendship with Bob has weakened to the point I don't see it continuing. John knows that I never call Bob anymore and that Bob himself doesn't call me; John knows that for more than 1 year now, I have hung out with Bob no more than 5 times.

John said I'm too harsh on Bob despite Bob's many infuriating habits, and that I should not cut off Bob completely because Bob doesn't do the stupid things he does "on purpose."

I said that Bob's gaffes have exhausted and alienated me. And I disagreed with the "not on purpose" defense; I told John that Bob being continually late for events IS on purpose; it's a result of poor time management and of a lack of consideration for those who arrive punctually.

John then hit me out of left field with, "ah but Sprawling, you're single. It's easy for you to cut people off."

When I asked him what that meant, he said that it's harder for married folks to cut off bad friends because this often has repercussions if the wives are on friendly terms.

John also said that I'm too radical and that with more age and the experience of marriage, I will find myself less able to cut off others than I can do now.

I disagreed and pointed out to John that David, John's brother-in-law, is similar to me - he has no qualms about cutting off those he doesn't like... and that David, like John, has a wife and kids. John has even (half-jokingly) compared me to David on how we are so quick to shut out people we dislike.

I mean, we've all learned that friendships sometimes get outgrown, and that some people are just not worth keeping in our lives. In that sense, I'm cold and practical. I prefer Prix miles away, am tired of Bob (it's not just his gaffes... as we aged, I realized Bob and I really don't have a whole lot in common; we don't get along very well and while I'm a great talker/communicator, Bob SUCKS at that), and cut off an annoying airhead woman earlier this year (who, incidentally, was a close college friend of Bob's and is still friends with Bob... Bob actually tried to convince me not to cut her off, to no avail).

So... I ask you guys.

- do you cut people off or do you just "tolerate" them?
- did marriage and family make it harder for you to "lose" friends who drove you crazy or who were a burden or with whom "friendship" was too exhausting?

First of all, I find YOU extremely judgmental. Look at all the negatives in your posting! It is no small wonder to me that you are still single. Although you may think it is because you have been cutting off all the "airhead" women, truth be known women probably have a hard time being around you!
Also, if this Bob and this other man who you referred to him using a very nasty name (much like a child would do), were completely honest with you, they would probably send you a "Thank You" card to you for saving them the trouble of trying to figure out how to cut you out of their lives. For sir, you are the one who is totally exhausting! Go back and read you own long-winded text. And some of you men say it is women who do all the over explaining, nagging, whining! Geesh!
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Old 07-05-2015, 09:57 AM
1,101 posts, read 1,809,960 times
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OP was from 2008. I imagine it's resolved itself in one way or the other over the last seven years.
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Old 07-05-2015, 12:18 PM
1,178 posts, read 957,771 times
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2008???Good grief! I am sure you are right.
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