U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 12-02-2008, 10:24 PM
 
2,601 posts, read 3,104,314 times
Reputation: 3027

Advertisements

I cut ties with my mother 10 years ago for two reasons. First and foremost, as soon as I moved out of the house she started badmouthing me and spreading rumors about me. This went on for quite a while before I couldn't take it any longer. I was crying myself to sleep at night and stressing myself to death over what she might say next. The second reason was she was cheating on my dad and wouldn't put an end to it.

Now that 10 years have passed, we have slowly tried to work out our differences. I've been to her house twice, and she has met my children. She hasn't apologized for what she did, but I think she's sorry but unable to bring herself to say it. I don't know if I'll ever trust her again. I have a very difficult time carrying a conversation with her because we're practically strangers now with nothing in common. Still, I hope things get better. I don't want to miss any more family functions because she's there and I can't be around her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 12-03-2008, 01:27 PM
 
Location: university city
344 posts, read 724,484 times
Reputation: 113
dude, my story is unreal
it would take weeks to tell
essentially, i have broke it off with my mom, her brother, her mother (which is now deceased and i have NO regrets), and my twin sisters. all for different reasons. none of them even live together.
basicly, if mofos will not respect you, you have to get fed up. when fed up is reached, and only then, will a person stop putting themselves in that place they do not like. you can try and try for years, but like everything else, you have to draw line in advance whereas success is not reached.
i'm speaking of my story
i got tired of 100% pure bull***** and heartbreak
i then stopped fvcking myself over by no longer putting myself in the path of people who cannot obviously act responsibly
this is not a very american thing to do, right? most are taught to take it up the ass from their fam
my response?
WTF ever
its my life and only i have to die when its my turn
so i have to make the most of this
and if any mofos are not promoting THAT plan, hen they simply do not respect me
i have felt this way AND expressed this clearly to my fam since i was 15. i am 34 now
they KNOw that they clearly do NOT make the cut
again, wtf does a 15 year old go through to not only feel this, but clearly express this???? an decide this????
if what i am saying resonates with you, then tell your fam to GROW the FVCK UP! not when they decide, but when you are thoroughly convinced, from a good distance that they have, then mess with them. but lets be honest, what are the odds that typically lazy people will change? the odds are extremely low. dont hold your breath, at the same time dont be 1% willing to lie to yourself out of desperacy for these fVckers
thats how i feel
thats how i live through EVERY breath and millisecond, without the thought of bending
have a nice day
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-03-2008, 05:34 PM
 
Location: Norfolk, Va (unfortunately)
111 posts, read 326,689 times
Reputation: 88
I still get along well enough with my mother, but we aren't close. In fact, I rarely talk to her because she's so 'sensitive' about everything, and is offended by everything imaginable. My brother and I barely speak. We were never very close when we were kids, and now isn't any different. I still care about him and want him to do well, because he's my brother, but we are very distant. I've cut off all contact with my father. I don't, and will never, contact him for any reason. And unless my Mom gave away my whereabouts, he doesn't know where to begin looking for me, much less where to find me. Why? Long story short, I didn't just have one bad parent, I have a bad, clueless, selfish, controling mother, and a father I now refer to as 'what's his face' or more commonly, the @sshole I used to know, who is just evil. The final straw was his opposition to my decision to join the Navy, coupled by a lifetime of hypocrisy and his actions designed to set me up to fail. One sunday afternoon (turned out to be Father's day), shortly before I graduated from high school, I moved in with my Grandma (his mom) without any warning to him and never saw, spoke with, or otherwise contacted him ever again. That was almost three years ago, and my life just keeps getting better. I don't regret it. It was necessary for me to conquer the bad childhood of my past and move on to living the good life. Dr. Laura would be so proud...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-03-2008, 05:41 PM
 
Location: Texas
111 posts, read 251,581 times
Reputation: 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart View Post
I have had not seen my mother in 5 years because she has borderline personality disorder and the turmoil was never ending. Cutting off was not a conscious decision like I had tried before.

One day I did not call her and another day went by and another. She called me and I told her I would return the call and I forgot. Finally a month went by and my husband asked if I had spoken to her and I surprised myself by saying "no".

I had cut off ties with her before but always had a nagging feeling about it but when it just fell into my lap it did not feel the same. There was no guilt involved. It felt right. It was very easy.

Fast forward 5 years, my mother has missed 2 of my children being born, we have moved, life has happened and recently I find myself missing her...well, maybe not her, but the dream I had of a mother that she can not fulfill.

It is harder now than it was 5 years ago.
Right there with ya
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-04-2008, 10:02 PM
 
14,752 posts, read 28,658,874 times
Reputation: 8781
Estranged from a sibiling...about a dozen years...do not miss him at all. One day I decided: enough is enough
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-05-2008, 06:26 AM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC
973 posts, read 2,975,331 times
Reputation: 1236
There's an old saying....."You can pick your friends but not your family."

Most intelligent adults actively choose friends who compliment their personalities and personal ethics. Even though we sometimes let friends go because they are no longer a good fit with our lives, many folks believe they should hang onto poor relationships with family members. Many times though, it's better to preserve your own peace of mind and cut off ties to the ones who drag you down.

It can be painful to let those people go because for some, it's like letting go of a dream. Many here grew up during the heyday of shows like "The Brady Bunch," "Father Knows Best," "My Three Sons" and so on. The innocence of those shows didn't prepare us for the reality of what some familys are really like.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-11-2008, 11:09 AM
 
1,353 posts, read 3,207,364 times
Reputation: 1481
Default toxic family

I have been waiting to get the time to post in this thread...I haven't broken yet, but will be. My hold up is due to my aging mother, who doesn't have long, cancer. My sister is the most aggravating, frustrating, impossible person to be around and it is truly just a matter of time,

She is 9 years older, and thinks the world and especially the family owe her. Never outgrew the hippy stage, on marriage # 2 to the exact same type of man, alcoholic, no good, lazy, barely employed guy she was married to the first time....this one has lasted longer than the first.
Don't know how many Dui's they have between the 2 of them, can't put food on the table but have beer and cigarettes every day!!

She lives in the same town as my mom, yet only sees her when forced to, holidays basically. I on the other hand live 300 miles away and she'll call and say "mom needs this or that can you get it for her AND BRING IT TO HER". When my mom fell earlier this year and broke her hip (now she's 88 years old) she BITCHED about having to go to the re-hab center to take her clothes, see her, etc. I told her she didn 't have to go every day, just make sure she has clean clothes, and our nephew could go along with her daughter to visit. I'd come down on weekends as I could. On and on the bitching about "what an inconveniece" it was to go to the re-hab center. All the while, driving mom's car and using mom's credit card to fill it up....When it was time for my mom to be released, my sister called and said "well, you need to quit your job and move down here to be there for mom" I almost exploded....the witch doesn't work, lives 9 miles away and wants me to quit my job and move in with mom to take care of her??? fortunately for the family, my oldest nephew separated from his wife and was living at moms, nowhere else to live...The next call was 'well you'd better take at least 3-4 weeks off to get her settled at home" I can't believe this keeps going on and on. "mom can pay you for any salary you miss" I said 'don't you think mom should be making that offer, not you?" All the while, my mom keeps saying "it would be a mistake for you to move down here" she doesn't want me to move, because what happens when she's gone, I'm stuck in a town I don't want to be in, with "HER" until I could move "again!?!?!?

She addled her brains many years ago taking all the psychedelic drugs in the late 60's and through the mid 70's and it show.

she called me the other day and asked if I knew how much money mom had that 'we'd get". I asked her what she was scheming now, she said, well, since she's not going to be around much longer, we were wondering, 'cuz we're behind on our mortgage and knew that would help. I couldn't respond. I am the exeutrix of the estate and there's a reason for that. If it weren't for her daughter and granddaughter I proabably would walk away and never have anything to do with any of them. My older 2 nephews are just about as bad....but they get theirs from their lunatic mother, my oldest sister who was killed in a car accident in the 90's.

My friends ask how I turned out so normal in such a dysfunctional family. and I say it's because they were grown and away during my "impressionable" years. my mom did her best, but my dad had nothing to do with the raising of the childern.

just biding my time!!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-11-2008, 02:05 PM
 
Location: Way up high
14,136 posts, read 20,919,021 times
Reputation: 14509
I had always been super super close to my mother. However a family incident that happened around Christmas last year changed everything. It was as if I didn't even know her. A total slap to my face. I ended up moving to NC from FL to get out of there. It was having a negative impact on my relationship with the bf and ruining my health/life. She is dying of cancer but I honestly don't feel sorry for her. She brought it upon herself. We all tried to get her to stop smoking and she didn't. Anyways, I speak to her once a week and only for a few minutes. She just talks about the same stuff which is exactly why I left in the first place. Sad to say but I don't think I will be sad when she goes and THAT is sad.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-11-2008, 07:58 PM
 
Location: Some place very cold
5,500 posts, read 20,086,897 times
Reputation: 4220
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948 View Post
i got tired of accepting invitations to my brothers which consisted of me driving 500 miles, changing dirty diapers, cleaning the house, fixing christmas dinner and then driving home again while the wife disappeared for the weekend for respite from the kids.
Hopefully you still talk to him on the phone or have some type of relationship with him. I hope.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-11-2008, 08:02 PM
 
Location: Some place very cold
5,500 posts, read 20,086,897 times
Reputation: 4220
Quote:
Originally Posted by himain View Post
I had always been super super close to my mother. However a family incident that happened around Christmas last year changed everything. It was as if I didn't even know her. A total slap to my face. I ended up moving to NC from FL to get out of there. It was having a negative impact on my relationship with the bf and ruining my health/life. She is dying of cancer but I honestly don't feel sorry for her. She brought it upon herself. We all tried to get her to stop smoking and she didn't. Anyways, I speak to her once a week and only for a few minutes. She just talks about the same stuff which is exactly why I left in the first place. Sad to say but I don't think I will be sad when she goes and THAT is sad.
This is really odd. You were close up until a year ago and now she is dying of cancer and you don't care? Where is your sense of compassion? Are you not able to salvage any of that relationship? Something about this doesn't sound right. I hope you know what you are doing because once she is gone, she is gone. And one day, you will be sick and dying as well and relying on the help and mercy of others.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 09:18 PM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top