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Old 12-22-2008, 11:57 PM
 
Location: Allen, TX
1 posts, read 1,565 times
Reputation: 10

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I haven't spoken to either one of my parents in some time.

My father disappeared 7 years ago. I haven't seen or spoken to him since.

Almost two years ago I cut ties with my "mother" because of her verbal and emotional abuse and her constant lying to me and about me. She was never happy with me unless I was face down in the gutter. She still tries her abuse tactics from afar through my sister.

Last edited by Alice26; 12-23-2008 at 12:11 AM..
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Old 12-23-2008, 02:32 AM
 
1,218 posts, read 2,680,149 times
Reputation: 1082
60 minutes: If someone breaks off from you, allow it. If you go crawling back, begging to know what the problem is, you look like a spineless fool. You need to have respect for their feelings. It's their loss. If you're lucky, they'll pull their head out and see the light, if not, there's NOTHING you can do. Don't disrespect yourself by desperately seeking out their companionship or forgiveness or acceptance.

I did that for TWENTY-FIVE FREAKING YEARS with my father. What a waste of time. I'm still putting the pieces back together from all the grief that shyster put me through.
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Old 12-25-2008, 11:28 AM
 
14,755 posts, read 15,331,469 times
Reputation: 8199
What a timely thread. Unbelievable.

Last night, I got an e-mail from my cousin's kid in Europe wishing me Merry Christmas and generally inquiring about all of us in the states. I read it a few times and deleted it. He's ok, I guess, though I have nothing in common with him, nor with his dad (my first cousin) and his wife.

I last summered there in September 2002. I realized how much I liked visiting the country but how toxic, classless, greedy and petty these relatives were and couldn't wait to get away from them. Each subsequent year that I went, I never let them know I was in the country and vacationed by myself, leaving more time to hit the stunning coastline of Italy and less time for useless visits to relatives's living rooms to hear about people and events I couldn't even relate to.

That 2002 trip was a watershed year in it's time to "cut (this) cord." I've never looked back. Now I get this e-mail last night?

Last edited by robertpolyglot; 12-25-2008 at 12:02 PM..
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Old 12-25-2008, 10:47 PM
 
Location: In my skin
8,067 posts, read 9,220,838 times
Reputation: 7951
Long story short, my mother was not a very nurturing parent when we were growing up. My sister, middle child and 9 years younger, was not treated very well. She grew up with very low self worth, ended up bulemic and bitter. She hated our youngest sister and made her life hell because she was basically the favorite with my mom, beautiful, skinny and just a perfect kid (and now an exceptional woman). I was the eldest and tried to understand that my mother created that monster, was there for her when no one else would have anything to do with her, but she was as quick to stab me in the back as she would anyone else. I let her back in after a couple of years and she betrayed me again with my own son. She has done represensible things to my youngest sister regarding her daughter. I have now completely cut her off.

I am sad that I had to make that choice; I am big on family. But I don't miss her venomous existence at all. My baby brother and sister would never think to do what she has done and neither would I.
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Old 12-25-2008, 10:48 PM
 
25,169 posts, read 34,385,244 times
Reputation: 6709
Hey there sister friend

I'm so so sorry to hear about your stories.

Do you have any chocolate ?? I'm hungry

Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate View Post
Long story short, my mother was not a very nurturing parent when we were growing up. My sister, middle child and 9 years younger, was not treated very well. She grew up with very low self worth, ended up bulemic and bitter. She hated our youngest sister and made her life hell because she was basically the favorite with my mom, beautiful, skinny and just a perfect kid (and now an exceptional woman). I was the eldest and tried to understand that my mother created that monster, was there for her when no one else would have anything to do with her, but she was as quick to stab me in the back as she would anyone else. I let her back in after a couple of years and she betrayed me again with my own son. She has done represensible things to my youngest sister regarding her daughter. I have now completely cut her off.

I am sad that I had to make that choice; I am big on family. But I don't miss her venomous existence at all. My baby brother and sister would never think to do what she has done and neither would I.
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Old 12-26-2008, 01:34 AM
 
Location: In my skin
8,067 posts, read 9,220,838 times
Reputation: 7951
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
Hey there sister friend

I'm so so sorry to hear about your stories.

Do you have any chocolate ?? I'm hungry
You have to intercept them as they pass them to me. But in my heart, I am sharing them with you.
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Old 12-29-2008, 12:04 AM
 
Location: In Sticky San Antonio TX
1,126 posts, read 1,425,820 times
Reputation: 1234
Iv'e read the many stories. I thought I'd share mine, as acknowledging this misery and stating it has been cathartic.

I moved from my family over a decade ago to a separate coast. Three years later, my brother's had little regard for my girlfriend-to-be-wife (we are an inter-racial couple). My wedding was attended by my parent's alone. Both brother's sent gifts, but little more.

There was a bit of warmth in the family after my father died (he was a gregarious fellow and could bring anyone together) and things were OK for a few years. My brother's had a schism and they parted company. I kept in contact w/both and stayed out of their differences. I then asked if they could do me a favor. My brothers couldn't and that jostled the cart (one said he had no time or opportunity but was in the very neighborhood that next weekend, which could have accommodated the request).

The next-to-final straw came when they refused to respond to my wife's invitation for our baby shower, with one brother calling her insulting phrases. The last straw came when my mother was deathly ill and they did not contact me. One said he didn't think I'd want to know and the other said her illness was a non-event. I was in contact with her nevertheless, and got out a few letters, read to her by the chaplain or nurses in charge in the ICU. After she died, my brothers still did not respond, and I found out about her death through the on-line version of the local newspaper (still on the distant coast) and with an e-mail from a cousin. When I called the funeral home, 'the executor' (my brother) had already picked up her ashes. They were likely spread privately.

I've spoken with many persons and 'death of a parent' typically trumps most family discord. For my brothers it did not, and points to their limitations, weaknesses, and insecurities. They have been forgiven, but have nothing more. I miss the memory of them at holidays, but it is likely only a memory. They aren't the people I grew up with or knew. I've moved twice from my last known address and it's not likely I will be in contact ever again. They have brought tremendous grief on themselves and their families for their actions. May the Lord have mercy on them.
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Old 05-17-2012, 10:33 PM
 
Location: Yucaipa, California
8,331 posts, read 10,509,655 times
Reputation: 4626
I broke ties with my stepmother & because of that my father broke ties with me. They dont live far from me & i havent seen either of them in over 2 yrs.
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Old 05-18-2012, 12:30 AM
 
4,586 posts, read 4,328,182 times
Reputation: 3871
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate View Post
Long story short, my mother was not a very nurturing parent when we were growing up. My sister, middle child and 9 years younger, was not treated very well. She grew up with very low self worth, ended up bulemic and bitter. She hated our youngest sister and made her life hell because she was basically the favorite with my mom, beautiful, skinny and just a perfect kid (and now an exceptional woman). I was the eldest and tried to understand that my mother created that monster, was there for her when no one else would have anything to do with her, but she was as quick to stab me in the back as she would anyone else. I let her back in after a couple of years and she betrayed me again with my own son. She has done represensible things to my youngest sister regarding her daughter. I have now completely cut her off.

I am sad that I had to make that choice; I am big on family. But I don't miss her venomous existence at all. My baby brother and sister would never think to do what she has done and neither would I.
Dang.

Reading this stuff makes me realize that my problems with women and friends and when the 'next time I'll get laid' are relatively inconsequential.

My family is like a rock ... and I appreciate that now.

Good luck to you.
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Old 05-18-2012, 12:41 AM
 
944 posts, read 369,546 times
Reputation: 618
Quote:
Originally Posted by Woof Woof Woof! View Post
This is for those of you who have had difficult families.

Have you ever broken with parents? Or written off a sibling?

If so, please tell me why? What brought you to that point? Was it a difficult decision and how to you feel about it now?

Thanks,

Woofers

P.S. Please be respectful of my thread and stay on topic. Thanks!

YES YES YES it was liberating and the best thing I ever did for my mental health, and emotional well being. I called it fengh Shui - ing my family and friends.

I have a few people in my family who are not worth my time, like to gossip, are abusive towards me and Do Not deserve the time of day. I also have a mother who is verbally and physically abusive to many of her children. I still make phone calls for the hollys and send her a card but I will not put myself in harms way of being in the same room as her. She is a danger to herself and if she strikes me and i have to defend myself and harm her doing so i am NOT doing time for a crime I did not start.
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