U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 07-28-2012, 07:38 AM
 
12 posts, read 16,913 times
Reputation: 40

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by ImCurlybelle View Post
It's funny- Growing up I always thought family would be the ones that stand by your side through thick and thin, love you unconditionally without judging or bashing you, be there to guide you through the dark and into the light when times were tough but man, 'ol man am I glad I woke up and came to reality -
I had believed this too because I wanted/needed to...And now I can accept it was not true.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-28-2012, 07:46 AM
 
12 posts, read 16,913 times
Reputation: 40
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kin Atoms View Post
Iv'e read the many stories. I thought I'd share mine, as acknowledging this misery and stating it has been cathartic.

I moved from my family over a decade ago to a separate coast. Three years later, my brother's had little regard for my girlfriend-to-be-wife (we are an inter-racial couple). My wedding was attended by my parent's alone. Both brother's sent gifts, but little more.

There was a bit of warmth in the family after my father died (he was a gregarious fellow and could bring anyone together) and things were OK for a few years. My brother's had a schism and they parted company. I kept in contact w/both and stayed out of their differences. I then asked if they could do me a favor. My brothers couldn't and that jostled the cart (one said he had no time or opportunity but was in the very neighborhood that next weekend, which could have accommodated the request).

The next-to-final straw came when they refused to respond to my wife's invitation for our baby shower, with one brother calling her insulting phrases. The last straw came when my mother was deathly ill and they did not contact me. One said he didn't think I'd want to know and the other said her illness was a non-event. I was in contact with her nevertheless, and got out a few letters, read to her by the chaplain or nurses in charge in the ICU. After she died, my brothers still did not respond, and I found out about her death through the on-line version of the local newspaper (still on the distant coast) and with an e-mail from a cousin. When I called the funeral home, 'the executor' (my brother) had already picked up her ashes. They were likely spread privately.

I've spoken with many persons and 'death of a parent' typically trumps most family discord. For my brothers it did not, and points to their limitations, weaknesses, and insecurities. They have been forgiven, but have nothing more. I miss the memory of them at holidays, but it is likely only a memory. They aren't the people I grew up with or knew. I've moved twice from my last known address and it's not likely I will be in contact ever again. They have brought tremendous grief on themselves and their families for their actions. May the Lord have mercy on them.
Last paragraph esp. well said. Definitely saw the "limitations, weaknesses, and insecurities" get worse after death of a parent.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-28-2012, 07:52 AM
 
578 posts, read 888,727 times
Reputation: 650
Quote:
Originally Posted by himain View Post
I had always been super super close to my mother. However a family incident that happened around Christmas last year changed everything. It was as if I didn't even know her. A total slap to my face. I ended up moving to NC from FL to get out of there. It was having a negative impact on my relationship with the bf and ruining my health/life. She is dying of cancer but I honestly don't feel sorry for her. She brought it upon herself. We all tried to get her to stop smoking and she didn't. Anyways, I speak to her once a week and only for a few minutes. She just talks about the same stuff which is exactly why I left in the first place. Sad to say but I don't think I will be sad when she goes and THAT is sad.
No matter what happened you need to drop the sword and see your mom. Don't live Your life with regret once she's gone. If your b/f doesn't understand. ... Well another thread for that
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-28-2012, 08:36 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,821 posts, read 18,783,357 times
Reputation: 24495
Quote:
Originally Posted by deliz View Post
No matter what happened you need to drop the sword and see your mom. Don't live Your life with regret once she's gone. If your b/f doesn't understand. ... Well another thread for that
Yeah I have to say im with this ^^^^ my mother abused me most of my life and my brother too . My brother had downs syndrome and he passed away a couple of yrs ago and my mother was there and my aunt and i just glared at her and she never has admitted that she caused our health problems . I grew up having stomach problems and so did he because she would scare us to death with her belt and her anger and she nor my father have ever admitted what she did to us was abuse . I dont talk to her because I do believe she is evil and looks at me still to this very day with a glare and i have tried to talk to her and forgive her but her saying is always the same get away from me you told lies on me and everyone believed them . Okay mom it is my fault i still have regrets that we cannot talk to each other but hey she wants what she wants and I let her have it. Please try to make a mends with your mother .
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-28-2012, 06:15 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,656 posts, read 23,235,665 times
Reputation: 48819
Yes! Many! See the Dysfunctional Family thread that I posted!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-29-2012, 04:20 PM
 
Location: Alexandria
472 posts, read 410,750 times
Reputation: 490
Yes. My family is Jamaican and love to gossip. I don't. My mother told me my sister sold me out; she told my mother things that were supposed to be between us. I cut them out of my life which is why we have a great relationship. We keep each other at a distance therefore no drama.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-10-2012, 09:30 PM
 
Location: Orange county, CA
415 posts, read 509,220 times
Reputation: 865
Immediate family no. Extended family yes. My dad's family lives in Iowa and thinks that Iowa is the most awesomest state there is, and they always expected my family to visit them from where ever we were (my dad was military, we lived in NM, NV and UT). We would come out and visit and they would do nothing while we were there. I came out to visit one year and spent my savings going out there...to sit around all day and baby sit my uncle and aunt's dog. My cousins would not clear out their calendars for anything, even though they knew I was coming and were excited. They would not move their stupid dance classes, softball practice and all the other crap they did back then to see their cousin who flew out from Utah and paid $1000 for a plane ticket.

I decided to disown the lot of them when two of my cousins went to my hometown and did not tell me and did not want me to show them around. I'm from Vegas, and there they were, staying at the Luxor, and they did not want to see their own cousins - me and my brother. In another case, my dad's cousin drove right past my parents house in Utah right along the interstate. Not so much as a call. Did not stop.

I live near the beach, near Knott's Berry Farm and Disneyland. I'm sure my relatives will come out to visit...and not say hello.

I disowned them because of that. If they can't make the time to see me then what is the point? They insist I must come to Iowa; what is the point of me spending $1000 to go baby sit their dog? I can baby sit a dog right here in California and without paying $1000 and sitting in the Dallas Fort Worth airport in a layover to boot. My extended family is useless. Completely useless.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-11-2012, 05:07 AM
 
Location: The heart of Cascadia
1,328 posts, read 2,649,157 times
Reputation: 815
No. But then again, I've never had a good reason to me. I love my family, and my friends for that matter, unconditionally. So even if I broke them off, I'd still think and care about them. At least I hope so.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-11-2012, 10:38 AM
Status: "Be yourself. What's the alternative?" (set 17 days ago)
 
8,681 posts, read 10,836,637 times
Reputation: 12728
Wow, interesting thread. My husband cut off his family, all of them, prior to the parent's death--year or so before. Very justified, but long overdue.They do still try to contact him (guilt). Karma's a bitc* I guess. I have one family member I cut out. Did it with much review and soul searching. Much better than relating with the muck, passive/aggressive stuff and all of that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-11-2012, 10:51 AM
Status: "Be yourself. What's the alternative?" (set 17 days ago)
 
8,681 posts, read 10,836,637 times
Reputation: 12728
Quote:
Originally Posted by =Lavender= View Post
YES YES YES it was liberating and the best thing I ever did for my mental health, and emotional well being. I called it fengh Shui - ing my family and friends.

I have a few people in my family who are not worth my time, like to gossip, are abusive towards me and Do Not deserve the time of day. I also have a mother who is verbally and physically abusive to many of her children. I still make phone calls for the hollys and send her a card but I will not put myself in harms way of being in the same room as her. She is a danger to herself and if she strikes me and i have to defend myself and harm her doing so i am NOT doing time for a crime I did not start.

I'll remember that--feng shuing certain people out. Haha. I like that concept.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top