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Old 12-10-2008, 09:47 AM
 
395 posts, read 1,180,549 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WyoNewk View Post
What you're feeling is normal, especially if this is the first time you've been separated from your family. My first wife and I went through something somewhat similar. Yes, I'd guess he's feeling a little insecure. My guess is that he sees you crying and feels he's to blame, plus he might be wondering if you'd rather be with them instead of with him. He'd probably do anything to see you happy, including giving you up if that's what it takes.

I think the best thing you can do for him, and probably yourself as well, is have a heart-to-heart talk with him, stressing that you don't regret being with him, that you'd do it all over again, but just the same, you miss your old family.

Get yourself immersed in your community, if possible, anything to keep you busy and meet new friends. That'll help you overcome being homesick, if you feel more like you're at home with your husband.

As a guy who's had to watch a wife (or two or three) deal with homesickness, I can tell you it's not easy on him to see you crying -- basically because you're with him. I sometimes tear-up when I think about my late wife, but I'd never do it in front of my current wife. (Can you imagine how she'd feel about that?)

Maybe you should reserve looking at your family albums in private.

Last night over dinner I told him that his choice of words hurt me a lot. I asked him if he would rather I go back than stay with him. He told me that never in his wildest dreams he meant to hurt me. He said that it breaks his heart to see me cry and hence he said what he said.
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Old 12-10-2008, 12:10 PM
 
Location: Colorado (PA at heart)
8,836 posts, read 13,603,280 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rakhi View Post
Last night over dinner I told him that his choice of words hurt me a lot. I asked him if he would rather I go back than stay with him. He told me that never in his wildest dreams he meant to hurt me. He said that it breaks his heart to see me cry and hence he said what he said.
Well, I'm not sure how he could think that those choice of words would NOT hurt someone but it sounds like you've resolved things!
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Old 12-10-2008, 12:26 PM
 
5,429 posts, read 12,640,976 times
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Default Just my opinion, or 2 cents...

It sounds like the husband could have been more understanding, however, I believe that once two people get married, they've in essence created a new family, and that is where the priority should be, equal commitment on both sides. Even more so if children are brought into the family; your immediate family should then always come before your own families.
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Old 12-10-2008, 12:54 PM
 
Location: The Midst of Insanity
3,225 posts, read 6,285,584 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rakhi View Post
No. I dont want to leave my husband. I love him. I knew that I would be 1000's of miles away after getting married, but I didnt realise that its THIS difficult to be away from all of them.

I am not sure, do women often cry if they miss someone terribly? If yes, how should I make him understand? why is he getting upset about this?

And relocating back to home along with husband is not an option for us right now. We have too many commitments here.
I cry when I miss someone. I miss my folks and I get sentimental and hell, I even miss my dogs and I'll start crying sometimes when looking at pictures!!! My husband doesn't understand this at all, and it's at the point now where I do it in private. I go in the bedroom or the bathroom and shut the door. He isn't close with his family (hasn't spoke with them in years), so he'll never understand what it's like.

You can't make him understand. I think the only thing you can do is explain how you feel. It is important to be honest. Maybe he does feel insecure; maybe he feels that by your missing your family it means you don't want to be with him. I'm not saying that's so-but people interpret things funny. The two of you should discuss this for what it is, and both of you should explain how you feel.

If you need to cry, cry. I was always one to hold things in, and that never did me any good. That just eats away at you.

Good luck. I'm going to call my mom now.
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Old 12-10-2008, 01:03 PM
 
Location: in purgurtory in London
3,721 posts, read 3,480,288 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt. Dan View Post
Pretty good chance this couple is Middle Eastern.
Darn, I was just about to ask if they were from India or the sub continent.
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Old 12-10-2008, 01:16 PM
 
395 posts, read 1,180,549 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Raggy dee Ann View Post
Darn, I was just about to ask if they were from India or the sub continent.
India. But why are you asking?
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Old 12-10-2008, 01:40 PM
 
Location: Kissimmee, Fl/Guntersville, AL Soon
482 posts, read 2,200,534 times
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Rakhi-- I know how you are feeling, when I was 26 I had a baby and was living in the same town as my Mom (who was my best friend aside from my husband) and my husband lost his job and we had to move away from my home town. I knew things would never be the same, I cried and cried and it took me about a year but I adjusted, it was closer than you so I could visit a few times a year but it was nothing like being able to see her and do things with her whenever I wanted. Ten years later when I was 36 my Mom passed away, what a tough time that was, I cried everytime I thought of her for the first two years. It has now been 12 years since she passed away and I can say, after about the second year I could think about her and look at pictures and not cry. Be kind to yourself and ask your husband to be patient, you will adjust and everything will be fine. Thank goodness for email, I hope she has a computer and can email with you often, that helps if you can stay in touch that way. Hang in there, it will get easier, I promise.
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Old 12-10-2008, 01:48 PM
 
Location: San Antonio
1,222 posts, read 4,189,211 times
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It is difficult leaving family friends and everything you have ever known behind. I say this from experience and know how difficult it can be moving from one country to another. But now is far easier than ever before email, web cams, cheaper telephone calls - we have Vonage.
Make the most of where you are look up local Indian shops and restaurants, go there and get to know the people.
You will very soon make friends from your own country.
Go out meet your neighbours if you have children talk to the other Mum's at their school.
You need to get out and make friends do not sit around thinking about what you left behind but look at what you have now and will have in the future.
In a nutshell get a life where you are now.
Wish you lived near me would love to be able to cook Indian food - love it.
Good luck
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Old 12-10-2008, 02:15 PM
 
Location: Orlando
8,181 posts, read 16,526,299 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rakhi View Post
I have relocated to a different country after getting married leaving behind literally all my family, friends, job and everything familiar.
Since I am very attached to my mom, sometimes(not often) I end up crying looking at the family album. I dont know why, my husband just doesnt like it when I say I miss my parents. He says things like, "go back if you miss them so much".
I know that I love my parents as much as I love my husband (my husband loves me too). What should I do to make him understand that its "OK" to miss someone dear to your heart and cry? Is he feeling in-secure?
Ok, you haven't said how long you've been married or away from your family.

If it's been just a few months then your feelings are understandable.
Longer than that he might just be tired of hearing about it.

Put yourself in his shoes for just a bit..you made a choice to marry him and move away....and now your crying about it. He's hearing you find life with him miserable. That you'd rather be with Mommy instead of your husband.
How do you think that makes him feel?
His response is probably a defense mechanism.

I don't mean to sound harsh but try putting the photobooks away for a bit. You won't forget what they look like. Get out and learn about your new home.
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Old 12-10-2008, 03:30 PM
 
Location: Colorado (PA at heart)
8,836 posts, read 13,603,280 times
Reputation: 11443
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kali's Grandma View Post
Ok, you haven't said how long you've been married or away from your family.

If it's been just a few months then your feelings are understandable.
Longer than that he might just be tired of hearing about it.

Put yourself in his shoes for just a bit..you made a choice to marry him and move away....and now your crying about it. He's hearing you find life with him miserable. That you'd rather be with Mommy instead of your husband.
How do you think that makes him feel?
His response is probably a defense mechanism.

I don't mean to sound harsh but try putting the photobooks away for a bit. You won't forget what they look like. Get out and learn about your new home.
Have you ever moved to another country?
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