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I really hate funerals. I just stand there and feel miserably uncomforatble. I am terrible at empathy and compassion in this situation and I have no idea what to say or do. It is only if I think that my presence will somehow help the family I will go. My presence certainly does nothing for the dead.
Does it really help to have a lot of people at a funeral? When I was in high school we used to go to furnerals and weddings for the free food, but I was a terrible jerk as a teenager. Maybe we werent so bad after all. Maybe we made the families feel better to have more people there.
It seems to me that if I lost someone really close to me, I would want to grieve on my own. I do not want to worry about being on display for friends. Frankly I do not think that I would want to attend my mom or dads funeral. I probably would not make it through. I cannot even watch chick flicks without crying. That is somethig that I may have to face soon and I do not know what I am going to do. Can you avoid attending your own mom or dad's funeral?
Wow! I would hate to be a friend of yours. Did it ever occur to you that you can refer to it as a celebration of life instead of a funeral? think about the person while at the funeral and any good memories you may ponder.
How selfish can you be. No one wants to skip off to a funeral and say, "wow, I am psyched, I am going to a funeral!"
What did you do then if you did not attend the funeral? Did you sit in silence and reflect about the person? light a candle? anything??????
That is what I want for a funeral. A big party. I told my wife that I want the Cars to play at my funeral. (Kind of a random selection, they are not even my favorite band). But hoipefully they will be too old by then.
I like the celebration of life idea. My life has been great! Why should anyone be sad when I die? I won't. (I can probably list a few who would be very glad to celebrate )
I think that in today's society many people are just so self-absorbed that they can't be bothered with other people's "issues"
After losing my father recently, I became very aware of this. For the people that "don't believe in funerals" or think that its "barbaric"; funerals are a way to support those left behind in their grief. Even if you don't attend the funeral but express your sympathy at some point in some form, it goes a very, very long way. And remember that you will also need (or want) the support of someone else when you experience a great loss in your life.
For my father, I was surprised by the overwhelming response from many of his lifelong friends and how gracious they were in helping us in whatever way they could. On the other hand, I was sorely disappointed by the response of some family members who had a complete disregard (people my father had done so much for) and family members with whom I have since disconnected because of this.
I really hate funerals. I just stand there and feel miserably uncomforatble. I am terrible at empathy and compassion in this situation and I have no idea what to say or do. It is only if I think that my presence will somehow help the family I will go. My presence certainly does nothing for the dead.
Does it really help to have a lot of people at a funeral? When I was in high school we used to go to furnerals and weddings for the free food, but I was a terrible jerk as a teenager. Maybe we werent so bad after all. Maybe we made the families feel better to have more people there.
It seems to me that if I lost someone really close to me, I would want to grieve on my own. I do not want to worry about being on display for friends. Frankly I do not think that I would want to attend my mom or dads funeral. I probably would not make it through. I cannot even watch chick flicks without crying. That is somethig that I may have to face soon and I do not know what I am going to do. Can you avoid attending your own mom or dad's funeral?
I am blown away by some of the responses here.
Cold- avoid your own parents funerals? You don't think you can make it through it? Well believe me, I I lost my mom and dad before I turned 30 and it sucked!My dad died when I was 23. I was certainly glad I attended my own father and mother's funeral. I couldn't have imagined not having a funeral or memorial service..It wouldn't have felt real if we didn't go through these things to get through it all. It made me feel better and stronger seeing all of the friends and family there for me, the living to help get me through the grief I was feeling. You might actually surprise yourself in seeing how strong you actually are to get through something of this nature.
That is what I want for a funeral. A big party. I told my wife that I want the Cars to play at my funeral. (Kind of a random selection, they are not even my favorite band). But hoipefully they will be too old by then.
I like the celebration of life idea. My life has been great! Why should anyone be sad when I die? I won't. (I can probably list a few who would be very glad to celebrate )
You don't have to be sad at a funeral.. You definitely can celebrate one's life.... but, it is a release to let go and cry. It helps. Believe me. Have "something" at least. Honor the person..
Wow! I would hate to be a friend of yours. Did it ever occur to you that you can refer to it as a celebration of life instead of a funeral? think about the person while at the funeral and any good memories you may ponder.
How selfish can you be. No one wants to skip off to a funeral and say, "wow, I am psyched, I am going to a funeral!"
What did you do then if you did not attend the funeral? Did you sit in silence and reflect about the person? light a candle? anything??????
Life is for the living. I am not a "memories" kind of person. All we have is the here and now and THAT is what I celebrate. One of the worst experiences of my life was going to my grandmother's funeral (at 12 years of age, before I had the luxury of choice), and seeing her in the casket. That is the ONLY memory I have of her. It is like EVERYTHING ELSE was instantaneously erased from my memory. It is horrible. By not going to a funeral/memorial service/whatever, at least I can preserve the memories that I do have and not have those horrible visions of crying people and death haunting me forever.
No thank you. If I am going to celebrate someone's LIFE. I am going to do it while they are ALIVE and can appreciate and enjoy it too!
We don't have funerals. The undertaker picks them up, we send them to the crematory and the ashes are delivered. Short and sweet. This is how we handled my father's death and it will be thus with my mother, and hopefully me too, when my time comes. It is a private matter, not some kind of spectator sport. I don't NEED people to console me. I need my privacy and my space. Traditions be damned.
We don't have funerals. The undertaker picks them up, we send them to the crematory and the ashes are delivered. Short and sweet. This is how we handled my father's death and it will be thus with my mother, and hopefully me too, when my time comes. It is a private matter, not some kind of spectator sport. I don't NEED people to console me. I need my privacy and my space. Traditions be damned.
20yrsinBranson
Wow, what compassion you have for the needs of others.
I think that you can really tell alot about people when someone passes away. When my parents died together in a crash we set up a big funeral and few of their so called friends attended. I can remember many people who Mom and Dad talked about for years as being such good friends and wonderful people, did not have the time to go to the viewing, funeral or burial. I found this odd because it was on a number of days. These so called friends sent us a Hallmark Card and said they were sorry they could not attend but were so busy.
In other cases I have seen people show up a funerals of people they had not talked to in years and really did not like.
Why does it take a death to really know about family friends? What has been your experience?
Wow is all I can say. When my mom died, I was taken back by all the people who came to her funeral. But, OTOH, I didn't attend my step mother's funeral. We were headed down to visit dh's parents and couldn't change the flight or get a refund.
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Did it ever occur to you that you can refer to it as a celebration of life instead of a funeral? think about the person while at the funeral and any good memories you may ponder.
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