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Old 12-13-2008, 05:32 AM
 
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The gossip in my extended family is a number of spinsters who have gone through their lives without ever having a friend, lover, relationship or sex. Their only personal contact with anyone is during rare family events where they are pleasant but aloof and at work. I work with one of them and she is polite to her coworkers but does not have any social conversations.

I have known these people all my life and know they have never dated, socialized or had any need to have someone in their life. Most are nearly 50 years old.

I wonder how common this is. Do you know anyone who has no friends, or has never gone on a date that is over 40? What is the reason someone would be like this?
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Old 12-13-2008, 05:41 AM
 
Location: In a chartreuse microbus
3,854 posts, read 5,302,124 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by political genius View Post

What is the reason someone would be like this?
Their expectations for others are in the stratosphere, or, they just don't like people, or, they are workaholics. That's all I got. Anyone else?
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Old 12-13-2008, 05:43 AM
 
25,972 posts, read 32,970,649 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by political genius View Post
The gossip in my extended family is a number of spinsters who have gone through their lives without ever having a friend, lover, relationship or sex. Their only personal contact with anyone is during rare family events where they are pleasant but aloof and at work. I work with one of them and she is polite to her coworkers but does not have any social conversations.

I have known these people all my life and know they have never dated, socialized or had any need to have someone in their life. Most are nearly 50 years old.

I wonder how common this is. Do you know anyone who has no friends, or has never gone on a date that is over 40? What is the reason someone would be like this?
Nope...I honestly don't know anyone like that. I have to say I think the word "spinster" seems a bit offensive and outdated. Why are their personal lives the gossip in your family? That seems a bit off-kilter to me.
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Old 12-13-2008, 06:05 AM
 
1,570 posts, read 1,671,729 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by political genius View Post
The gossip in my extended family is a number of spinsters who have gone through their lives without ever having a friend, lover, relationship or sex. Their only personal contact with anyone is during rare family events where they are pleasant but aloof and at work. I work with one of them and she is polite to her coworkers but does not have any social conversations.

I have known these people all my life and know they have never dated, socialized or had any need to have someone in their life. Most are nearly 50 years old.

I wonder how common this is. Do you know anyone who has no friends, or has never gone on a date that is over 40? What is the reason someone would be like this?
I guess you could say Im like that. Or that I am heading in that direction. My reason is that I have been burned by too many people and its never any different with any sort of individual(s). So I am through with socializing and just readying myself to be alone for the remainder of my life.
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Old 12-13-2008, 06:26 AM
tao
 
Location: Colorado
720 posts, read 2,967,420 times
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Hey political genius, you sure remind me of a poster who used to post here...someone who used to post quite prolifically in the Relationships forum. That person had a habit of starting "hot topics" then never answering his own threads.
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Old 12-13-2008, 07:07 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,657 posts, read 7,183,357 times
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Originally Posted by political genius View Post
What is the reason someone would be like this?
Considering their age, possibly a disorder that was never diagnosed? Categories like autism, asperger's and hyperlexia haven't been of much note until the last 20 years or so (and seem to be bandied about too much these days - just my personal opinion ). I sometimes wonder about the older folks. Did they learn by observing and imitating social skills to a point that enabled them to survive, but reached a point where it was beyond their ability to reach out and touch people?

I guess they figure as long as they can get along, they'd rather be left alone

Last edited by silverwing; 12-13-2008 at 07:17 AM..
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Old 12-13-2008, 07:25 AM
 
3,566 posts, read 4,619,543 times
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Or there could be an alternative. They know that the family likes to gossip and they have chosen to keep their lives completely out of the picture. I think that polite conversation with coworkers is often best. Why don't you take the time to ask them? Guess the psychological make up of an individual isn't worth a damn unless you take the time to give a crap.

At any rate, there are some things that I have found to take into consideration when over analyzing people. Ethnicity can play a major role. If the women are a second or third generation into the US, it can be a huge factor because there is a tug of war of what constitutes "good". Religion can also have that impact.

Another factor that I have found to have a great impact is the influence of women's lib. Contrary to popular belief, there was not this huge rush for burning bras. This is a transition period. Its a transition period now but, to have grown up in that period makes one extremely aware of others perception.

Yet, another factor that may come into play is what types of relationships did they see growing up? What types of relationships do they see now? Perhaps, they have come to the conclusion that it isn't worth it and that dedicating their lives to their own personal happiness is worth it.

Perhaps they aren't hetero and rather than face the stigma, opt out of any relationship at all. It wasn't but 50 years ago and you won electric shock therapy.

Again, why don't you care enough to ask them?

Last edited by Pandamonium; 12-13-2008 at 07:27 AM.. Reason: Can't spell, so there.
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Old 12-13-2008, 08:00 AM
 
90 posts, read 293,493 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tao View Post
Hey political genius, you sure remind me of a poster who used to post here...someone who used to post quite prolifically in the Relationships forum. That person had a habit of starting "hot topics" then never answering his own threads.
I do not know what you are talking about. I just discovered this board last month.

I like the reply from the person who said that my relatives might have some type of mental issue that discouraged social interactions.

Why is it a topic of discussion among the relatives? Because it is a issue of interest!
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Old 12-13-2008, 08:37 AM
 
Location: a primitive state
9,869 posts, read 20,151,295 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by political genius View Post
The gossip in my extended family is a number of spinsters who have gone through their lives without ever having a friend, lover, relationship or sex. Their only personal contact with anyone is during rare family events where they are pleasant but aloof and at work. I work with one of them and she is polite to her coworkers but does not have any social conversations.

I have known these people all my life and know they have never dated, socialized or had any need to have someone in their life. Most are nearly 50 years old.

I wonder how common this is. Do you know anyone who has no friends, or has never gone on a date that is over 40? What is the reason someone would be like this?
Perhaps that's all they want? Or perhaps you're not paying attention and they have personal relationships that you're unaware of?

Not to mention it's really none of your business. Maybe that's why they're so discrete.
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Old 12-13-2008, 09:22 AM
 
3,566 posts, read 4,619,543 times
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I find it odd that there is an interest. That there is talk about them and what is said "to" them but not one mention of "with" them.
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