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I had another frustrating conversation with my parents today. I'm 600 miles away and do the best I can to offer moral support and occassional monetary support but I'm drowning in worry. I wish I could do more but short of moving back, I don't know what else I can do.
When I moved away, I foolishly thought some of my other family members would step-up and give Mom and Dad a hand when needed but that just isn't happening. I am so angry with them I could spit.
It hurts me to no end to hear the disappointment in my parents voices when they tell me that the other family members just won't help them. I'm talking about little things like helping around the house once in a while, straightening out a problem with their phone service, etc....
I've tried to talk to these people but I just can't get through to them that their parents are elderly now and need help. I realize that I can't make them do anything they don't want to do. Frankly, I'd like to beat them blind.
Does anybody know of any avenue that I can persue to get my parents some help with the little day to day things? They are all in okay health and are ambulatory but just suffer from the normal things that accompany being 79 years old like poor vision, no understanding of technology (they have no idea how to operate their voice mail set-up), tire easily, etc...They can do many things themselves but sometimes need a helping hand.
I'm wondering about some kind of social service organization. They really can't afford to pay someone on a regular basis and I'm too far away to help out much.
Any ideas would be very much appreciated. Thank you!
i was not up to it so------------------
went to houston and got my parents in 91 both in bad shape. cost me a marriage and the jealousy of siblings.
best move i ever made. better than taking vitamins and wearing kevlar. been strange
life got a whole lot better ever since.
think it could be biblical??? no way!!! not that bunch of mumbo jumbo.
huck you just done got lucky son thats all, just real real lucky.
Last edited by Huckleberry3911948; 12-17-2008 at 01:18 PM..
Every city or county has an office on aging. They can often help. You don't say where your parent live but here in LA there's a benefit called "Homemaker chore". The county pays someone to come in and clean, etc. It's a shame that your siblings won't step up. Maybe your parents can come live near you if you can't move back.
You cannot be expected to do everything nor can you take on the burden of your parents from 600 miles away. Then again are your parents really a burden to take on or are you feeling guilty for moving away?
Search out what support systems your parents already have. Do they belong to a church? Many of the Medicare supplements come with extra benefits like a free membership to a local YMCA where they can draw on the resources available there. Do they volunteer anywhere? and if yes what resources are available from that source? What about former employers, their circle of friends, and the neighbors. But most important of all just how much help do your parents want. I really do not want anyone to show me how to work my voice mail I think it's a nuisance but to avoid the constant "but grandpa you really should learn how to program it because it will be so much easier for you" I just say it is too complicated. And most of the time my cell phone remains in a drawer.
Good luck to you.
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I do feel a lot of guilt for moving away. Irrational, I know. I've always been the one to jump in a try and help my parents long before anyone else noticed they needed it so it is frustrating to be so far away and unable to help them myself. There are times that I do feel like it is a burden but it mostly stems from the fact that I can't seem to get any support from the other family members. It's hard when you feel that you are the only one your parents can rely on to be there when they are in need. Just once, I'd like to call someone and say, "Hey, can you run over there and take care of this?" and know that they will do it willingly and without a bunch of drama.
As for other people who could help.......They are not a member of any church or Senior Citizens club and most of their friends have passed away.
I'm wondering if Medicare has any programs that could benefit them. Anyone know offhand?
Every city or county has an office on aging. They can often help. You don't say where your parent live but here in LA there's a benefit called "Homemaker chore". The county pays someone to come in and clean, etc. It's a shame that your siblings won't step up. Maybe your parents can come live near you if you can't move back.
I'll contact the Council on Aging and see what ideas they have. Thanks for the idea.
I'm in the same boat. None of the siblings were real close with the folks who are divorced. Both are 70+ and need things done. For my career I have been 1000 miles away, but have siblings estranged living in the same town. I send money on occasion, but they have some friends and neighbors that look in on them. They have implied they would like me to move back, but I think its more for their social life than anything.
Home Instead Senior Care is a network of independently owned and operated senior care franchises that stretches across North America and around the world.
They have caregivers who help with everyday tasks, for example:
Personal care, meal preparation, laundry, housekeeping, escort for shopping and errands, and even medication reminders.
There is alot more listed as well, that they help your loved ones with, that I have not put down. 1-888-864-7666
Good luck!
I had another frustrating conversation with my parents today. I'm 600 miles away and do the best I can to offer moral support and occassional monetary support but I'm drowning in worry. I wish I could do more but short of moving back, I don't know what else I can do.
When I moved away, I foolishly thought some of my other family members would step-up and give Mom and Dad a hand when needed but that just isn't happening. I am so angry with them I could spit.
It hurts me to no end to hear the disappointment in my parents voices when they tell me that the other family members just won't help them. I'm talking about little things like helping around the house once in a while, straightening out a problem with their phone service, etc....
I've tried to talk to these people but I just can't get through to them that their parents are elderly now and need help. I realize that I can't make them do anything they don't want to do. Frankly, I'd like to beat them blind.
Does anybody know of any avenue that I can persue to get my parents some help with the little day to day things? They are all in okay health and are ambulatory but just suffer from the normal things that accompany being 79 years old like poor vision, no understanding of technology (they have no idea how to operate their voice mail set-up), tire easily, etc...They can do many things themselves but sometimes need a helping hand.
I'm wondering about some kind of social service organization. They really can't afford to pay someone on a regular basis and I'm too far away to help out much.
Any ideas would be very much appreciated. Thank you!
Same exact problem here as you. I moved away from my Mom 3 years ago. I have two sisters within a half hour of her and no one goes to her house to even visit her. When a Holiday comes along they make her drive to their house and drive home after midnight sometimes alone. And in the winter the roads are sometimes snowy and icy. My Mom is 84 now and needs some help. My sisters do nothing for her. My son recently went to visit for medical reasons and stayed at her house. He told me they do call her but no one evers goes by her house. I feel helpless. I want her to move where I am but my one sister has some kinda control over my Mom. I mentioned it to her one time and she said, Mom is staying right here. I cannot move back so I am at a loss and miss my Mom terribly. She knows if I were there I would be there for her all the time as I have in the past. It is so frustrating. I am no longer talking to my two sisters over this.
Hi, I never thought I would run accross anyone who has the exact situation as me. My brother lives 1.5 hrs from Mother, Siste is 4 hrs away, I am 1000 miles away. I agree with everything it is sooooo frustrating. I am trying to find out who to contact, I will email if I get any info. Take care - don't give up hope....
Meals on Wheels.
Get on the website for the city they live, get phonenumbers for the chamber of commerce and senior assistance organization, and start talking to people and find out a list of community services that help elderly or aging people who still live in their own homes/apartments. For instance a building that houses seniors in our city keeps a list of people who are known and trusted to work with seniors on things like housecleaning, yardwork, transportation, housecleaning, moving heavy things like furniture, buses to events,things like that.
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