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Old 01-02-2009, 06:47 PM
 
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 13,537,386 times
Reputation: 3747

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You have a husband so you must've learned how to give and receive love in spite of your family. You never have to around toxic people, even if they are family. If you are concerned about your sisters or would like to improvecommunication in your family, try family counseling.

Considering your screen name, I would recommend therapy anyway for your self esteem.
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Old 01-02-2009, 07:04 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,657 posts, read 7,174,127 times
Reputation: 4297
Quote:
Originally Posted by fnord View Post
Some of us either end up very alone or make our own families with people we meet who actually like us.

Ding ding ding!
A pragmatic winner

It's always been my thought that people shouldn't feel obligated to associate with their blood kin. You don't have much choice, growing up under the same roof with your common DNA, but once you mature there's no telling what route your life takes. Siblings go off in different directions with personal beliefs, careers and mates and friends; those people you grew up with might become strangers to you as adults. If they are so incompatible with you that you see no reason to be around them; dislike them, even; then why force yourself to?

To me, 'family' isn't defined by sharing chromosomes. I see my siblings every few years because I want to; we have absolutely zero in common but get along and are fond of each other; but I could just as easily not see them and it wouldn't cause a whole lot of grief between any of us. Proof of that is the fact that I've made the 2000 mile round trip to see them for the last 20 years. They can't stir the effort to come see me. On the other hand, I've made relationships outside my common DNA family who I feel very connected to and miss when they're not around.
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Old 01-02-2009, 11:25 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 60,526,045 times
Reputation: 22276
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fat_plain_woman View Post
When I was growing up, my parents basically ignored me and did not ask me about my day or what I thought or felt about anything. They were cold and distant. This coldness sent a message to my three sisters and messed all of us up. We do not have much of a social life because we were never taught about how to carry on a regular conversation.

When Mom and Dad get together with the four of us during Holidays it is like we are all strangers. There is little of the hugging and kissing upon greeting other families have. In fact when one of us makes an effort to bring up a topic of conversation the others will act like what was said was boring or dumb. No topic of conversation lasts for more than a few minutes, usually seconds. Then there is a long period of silence.

My other sisters have poor social lives. One is in a terrible relationship with a man who does not speak. The other two have never dated but are over 40 years old. None of us have any real friends. My husband is my only real friend.

Should I still get together with my family on Holidays or are they just making my situation worse?
If you're really sure you don't care about them, then go ahead and quit seeing them. Are you sure your family isn't just stiff and formal? Some people show affection in different ways, not everyone is huggy-and-kissy.

Sometimes for some people just getting together is how they show they still care about each other, they aren't comfortable with a lot of outward displays.
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Old 01-03-2009, 12:10 AM
 
Location: Texas
525 posts, read 833,365 times
Reputation: 316
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fat_plain_woman View Post

My other sisters have poor social lives. One is in a terrible relationship with a man who does not speak. The other two have never dated but are over 40 years old. None of us have any real friends. My husband is my only real friend.

Should I still get together with my family on Holidays or are they just making my situation worse?



I'm not sure I follow you... Are you saying that because there is little verbal communication it is somehow making your 'situation' worse? I'm not sure what you are asking or what it is you desire...
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Old 01-03-2009, 12:28 AM
 
Location: Sydney, Australia
283 posts, read 674,138 times
Reputation: 188
Quote:
Originally Posted by silverwing View Post

Ding ding ding!
A pragmatic winner

It's always been my thought that people shouldn't feel obligated to associate with their blood kin. You don't have much choice, growing up under the same roof with your common DNA, but once you mature there's no telling what route your life takes. Siblings go off in different directions with personal beliefs, careers and mates and friends; those people you grew up with might become strangers to you as adults. If they are so incompatible with you that you see no reason to be around them; dislike them, even; then why force yourself to?

To me, 'family' isn't defined by sharing chromosomes. I see my siblings every few years because I want to; we have absolutely zero in common but get along and are fond of each other; but I could just as easily not see them and it wouldn't cause a whole lot of grief between any of us. Proof of that is the fact that I've made the 2000 mile round trip to see them for the last 20 years. They can't stir the effort to come see me. On the other hand, I've made relationships outside my common DNA family who I feel very connected to and miss when they're not around.
but you DO feel obligated though. my family for example tries to make me feel very guilty if i don't see them once in a while. also it's pretty bad if you only like one family member and not the others, and it's not like you can just pick and choose which ones you'd like to see since they all live in the same house
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Old 07-17-2010, 02:23 PM
 
Location: Maryland
2 posts, read 4,835 times
Reputation: 10
Default Know what you mean

I used to have a good family till they all turned on me and it has reached clear across the city, which goes to show you how immature, conniving and interfering people are nowadays. I basically cannot trust anyone so I know what your situation is all about but believe me I have tried 3 times in the past 12 years to reconsile and make things right again and this is the 3rd time I have had to distant my self because of the treatment and backlash I am receiving and I really do just wash my hands of it all It was dragging me down further trying to salvage, then just staying away from Oh I still have alot of unfairness to deal with when I step out of the door, but at least I have the stress of uncomfortable gatherings off my shoulders I always said if family doesn't act like family then they are better off seperated I think you are better off avoiding the holidays if there are no signs of improvement Hope things don't get any worse for you
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fat_plain_woman View Post
When I was growing up, my parents basically ignored me and did not ask me about my day or what I thought or felt about anything. They were cold and distant. This coldness sent a message to my three sisters and messed all of us up. We do not have much of a social life because we were never taught about how to carry on a regular conversation.

When Mom and Dad get together with the four of us during Holidays it is like we are all strangers. There is little of the hugging and kissing upon greeting other families have. In fact when one of us makes an effort to bring up a topic of conversation the others will act like what was said was boring or dumb. No topic of conversation lasts for more than a few minutes, usually seconds. Then there is a long period of silence.

My other sisters have poor social lives. One is in a terrible relationship with a man who does not speak. The other two have never dated but are over 40 years old. None of us have any real friends. My husband is my only real friend.

Should I still get together with my family on Holidays or are they just making my situation worse?
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Old 07-17-2010, 02:36 PM
 
Location: Maryland
2 posts, read 4,835 times
Reputation: 10
Default It's time obligation status was noticed

Thank you for mentioning about obligation not being forced. That is my delimma in life. Everyone except my good hearted son, expects and demands. These people have alot to work on theirselves but are bent on humiliating and criticizing me When those two words go beyond the source and into another person's life enough to disintegrate it so they can't live comfortably, well it needs to stop I don't have living expense now because
the workforce is too busy making people they don't like look bad and ruin their chance of moving on They are the ones that should be ashamed
This world has crumbled when it becomes null for you to speak your mind
Quote:
Originally Posted by silverwing View Post
Ding ding ding! A pragmatic winner

It's always been my thought that people shouldn't feel obligated to associate with their blood kin. You don't have much choice, growing up under the same roof with your common DNA, but once you mature there's no telling what route your life takes. Siblings go off in different directions with personal beliefs, careers and mates and friends; those people you grew up with might become strangers to you as adults. If they are so incompatible with you that you see no reason to be around them; dislike them, even; then why force yourself to?

To me, 'family' isn't defined by sharing chromosomes. I see my siblings every few years because I want to; we have absolutely zero in common but get along and are fond of each other; but I could just as easily not see them and it wouldn't cause a whole lot of grief between any of us. Proof of that is the fact that I've made the 2000 mile round trip to see them for the last 20 years. They can't stir the effort to come see me. On the other hand, I've made relationships outside my common DNA family who I feel very connected to and miss when they're not around.
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Old 07-17-2010, 07:25 PM
 
Location: Northside Of Jacksonville
3,288 posts, read 6,093,441 times
Reputation: 3371
I really feel for all of you that feel like complete strangers to your own family. I won't pretend to know what it feels like because I don't All I can say is focus on those who love and care for you and less on those that don't give a rat's butt about your well-being.
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Old 07-17-2010, 07:41 PM
 
13,793 posts, read 14,609,604 times
Reputation: 11475
make other plans for this holiday. have some fun without them. you should not have to spend your precious few holidays with people who are no fun even if they are family.

as for your screen name .. if you feel like a fat plain woman go out and get your butt to a beauty shop. style and color your hair. dress to suit your shape. feel good about yourself. have some fun. maybe all your sisters could get together and have a grand time.. sometimes we only get a few people in our lives that really support us. it is hard when it isn't the people it should be. not your fault. their loss. enjoy your life now
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Old 07-17-2010, 07:41 PM
 
Location: So Cal
40,276 posts, read 39,816,573 times
Reputation: 41745
Does anyone notice that the OP post is about 1.5 yrs old???

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