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I've been thinking about this lately. This last year saw the end of 3 very long-term frienships. The first was a grammar school friend who, as his life became more complicated, felt that it was the "Christian thing to do" to lend him money. That got tiring. The second was a lady in my line of work I've known for about 15 years who became overly annoying and intrusive as her "brother/sister" marriage evidently was spiraling out of control so I got out of that friendship. The last friendship hasn't ended, but it has in my mind. This college friend recently divorced, is in his own world and is really bitter, though he got out receiving money since her earnings eclipsed his by a long shot (in fact, I think that her earnings went to her head and she "wore the pants," which he got sick of). At any rate, I have had to always be the "better friend" to this person and finally got sick of it. Within the last month, I haven't heard from him since Thanksgiving, be it on my b-day, for Christmas and for New Year, so I thought " 'eff this." Then I get the "hey, haven't heard from you in a while." I told him "hey, bud, it's me that typically calls you." Eh, don't need it.
I've been thinking about friends that I've made more recently, either in social settings or on the job. While the "history" may not be there, they seem to be more relevant to where I am in my life. I'm sort of glad these other people are gone...or on the way out.
Who are you having better vibes with? Old friends or new friends?
I find that old friends who don't live in the same town as you do, tend to forget. Yea, the Christmas cards come once a year, but you get those from your car dealership too!
So, I'd have to agree with you, that recent friendships (0-5 years old) seem to be more committed.
I don't think there's any clear cut answer to this question.
Old friends are like old comfortable shoes....kinda worn but broken in and comfortable.
New friends are like new shoes...exciting and pretty but after the breaking in period...well they become the old shoes.
We have friends that either one of us have known for 30+ years. Then the ones that we ride with we've known for about 8 and are always meeting new ones.
I am still in touch with my old friends, just not as often. I don't live near them. They are awesome, though! The relationship works because both parties know the expectations, the limits, the boundaries, the good and bad. It is comforting to catch up with people who know you well. They may not be actively involved with my life, but they care about my well being.
I have signed off on one of my older friendships this year. I was doing all the work, felt like she was taking me for granted. Enough was enough. Funny, haven't heard much from her since I drew the line....
My newer friendships I have mixed feelings about. One of my really good friends has only been around about 1.5 yrs. My friendship with him has had ups and downs as we've explored and experienced the boundaries of the friendship. But, it is also one of the strongest friendships I have ever had. The other newer one I'm still not sure about. I want to trust her, but I don't. Not yet. I'm still getting used to her personality quirks, and some of them are a turn off. But, I'm trying to keep an open mind and see how the friendship actually rolls.
No one wants friends that drag them down, either financially, emotionally, or any other way. However, old friends you are close with are great to have. New friends are great too, but they usually will have to pass some sort of test (everyone has their own tests whether they realize it, or not) before they too become great, and eventually old friends.
Friendship relationships also require work, like a plant I guess, you just cannot ignore it, or it will die. I make it a point to keep in touch with my old friends, and even family. I am in my mid 40s and I still have childhood friends to this day. People I met on business trips over a decade ago, etc.
As you get older, you will realize just how much your life is enriched by them, and you will be fortunate to have them. Another benefit is that they move around, or you move. We have friends in Europe, South America, Asia and throughout the US, and when we travel to these places, we never worry about having to stay in a hotel.
I think the best friends are the ones that you share childhood memories with. OLD friends. Like a 20 year old baseball glove. The things youve been thru together. Joys and heartaches. Seeing each other mature and marry. Raise families and gain weight. The old friend who knows what youre thinking without asking. The old friend who has always had a key to your house and is one of only a few you would trust watching your children or grandchildren. The one you shared your first beer with. The one you played hookie and baseball with. The one you fought with and made up with within 15 minutes. The one who has had your back for more than 50 years. The one who openly wept the day I left for Vietnam. The one that I tried to give one of my kidneys to. The one that I miss SO MUCH! No. New friends are nice. But it takes time to break in a good baseball glove. And time is one thing that I have less of each day.
I love my old friends that I have had for the last 30 years! I have a good friend that is a male (yes, a male!) and we have been friends for 25 years. He lives in another state,married with 2 kids and is a lawyer...and we get along great and meet up with each other and our kids.....Other friends are my coworkers of past days that I still keep in touch with at least every 1-2 months and go jet to see them! which Ihave been close to for the past 15 years with a lot of them, and feel comfortable with them!!as they do me....and love having them in my life as some of them knew my parents *that have passed on* so we can reminisce about them from time to time with my friends...
New friends are great too. I always make a ton of friends at work too!!
I find that old friends who don't live in the same town as you do, tend to forget. Yea, the Christmas cards come once a year, but you get those from your car dealership too!
Yep. Found this out when we moved. No one that we were friends with calls anymore. They did the first year we were gone, but then it felt like we were the ones always calling. I draw the line at that and just stop it all together.
The Christmas cards bug me. My husband was really good friends with a guy for years. He got married and became a wuss and did everything the wife told him. Didn't see much of him after that. This was before we moved away. So a year after we moved we get a Christmas card from them(never gave them our address)and it was a picture of their first born. Now we get one every year with a picture of the kids. If you can send a card, then you should be able to call. I don't reply to those either.
We perfer no friends. Everyone we know has so much baggage and are downers that we want no part of it. Hubby and I have a ton in common and an excellent relationship. We don't need anyone else.
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It depends on character...
