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Old 01-10-2009, 06:32 PM
 
Location: Denver
1,082 posts, read 4,287,329 times
Reputation: 544

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I don't think a real break with someone means being nasty, or hating them, or ignoring them, or being fake. I think it means conveying to them that you don't want to spend time with them and try to give a neutrally honest reason and then just doing it.

I did it once with a person who was never "there" for me and then would come around when it was advantageous for her. She called me up after two years and wanted me to attend a party with her new husband and I declined, and she asked to have lunch, and I declined, and then she asked a third time as to when we could get together and I just told her I no longer had a desire to get together. End of story. You really have to decide what is worth your time in your personal life. I am not the type to always hang onto personal relationships just in case they might be of use professionally. Lots of people collect "friends" like they do phone numbers.
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Old 01-10-2009, 08:20 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,564 posts, read 36,421,491 times
Reputation: 13176
I've had to cut a few links from the food chain - but they deserved to be cut.
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Old 01-12-2009, 12:17 AM
 
Location: In my skin
9,043 posts, read 14,249,751 times
Reputation: 8894
If they have betrayed me, I'll cut ties and not acknowledge them at all. If I feel they are just too "heavy" to keep around, I'll choose to not to be around them and be civil when I run into them. I don't see the need to be antagonistic or rude. It takes negative energy to do that. Not worth it.
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Old 01-12-2009, 01:26 AM
 
123 posts, read 314,785 times
Reputation: 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by songinthewind7 View Post
Sometimes people outgrow each other.
People that you got along with 10 years ago may not be the ones you want to hang out with today.
So very true.

You don't have to be nasty about it.....just slowly but surely drift away. No point raising the issue and ruffling someone the wrong way
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Old 01-12-2009, 03:54 AM
 
Location: Incognito
7,005 posts, read 18,555,298 times
Reputation: 5458
I have dumped a few because I thought they were "friends" but they weren't.
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Old 01-12-2009, 09:24 AM
 
Location: Denver, CO
3,847 posts, read 6,744,777 times
Reputation: 1641
I've had to "break up" with a couple of friends, one in particular was a gf that I had been friends with for about 5 years. She moved to FL, she got a job that she didn't like because her co-workers were rude to her and made her work environment very stressful, well I felt bad and could relate, so, I sent her a "bouquet" of horse-shaped cookies (she loved horses and had 4 of her own) to her work, kind of as a way to show the other workers that this girl is a great gal and had other friends, etc. Well, she loved the cookies and it made her day. So fast forward to about a year later, I was having a very hard time with something, and I needed a friend, so I called her and explained and that I was feeling very down, etc. All she could come up with to support me was a smart-a** comment.
Well, needless to say, i got off the phone with her as quickly as I could and never contacted her again. She had tried to contact me after that but I never accepted her calls and she just kind of went away.
We have a mutual friend that sided with me because she had been a very one-sided friend with him as well.
I didn't get her the cookies expecting anything in return, but I felt that it was a nice gesture and would show my support and cheer her up, but when I needed her, I expected more than a simple, smart-a** comment!
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Old 01-12-2009, 09:35 AM
 
1,072 posts, read 2,373,806 times
Reputation: 507
Quote:
Originally Posted by pitt_transplant View Post
Breaking up in the love sense always has these conversations and explanations and all this etc...that just drags it out...

Do you break up with friends like that too?
Or just avoid them and be fake when you see them?
Or just avoid them and be mean when you see them?

How do you make the call between being fake or just f-it and be nasty?
First, I'm never fake when dealing with people, for the simple reason that I hate being "faked" on.

With that being said, it really DEPENDS on why the friendship ended.

Most recent example was this past... 2 weeks ago. I ended the friendship with someone that I thought was my good friend since high school (11 years ago, and I was her bridesmaid, etc. etc.).

Why did I end it? Because she was dishonest and I found out that she tends to backstab people in the back by, well, talking about them behind their backs.

In my particular situation, she and I had a misunderstanding (cliffnote: I found out something about her other friend Amy, something about Amy that highly could get Amy fired from work, so I mentioned it to my "now former" friend, and for some odd reason, she thought I was making fun of Amy ). So, instead of talking to me and telling me that she's mad at me for this stupid misunderstanding (on her part), she ended up giving me the silent treatment for 2 weeks, so even after I called her to say MERRY CHRISTMAS, she never called back, because God forbid, she is still mad at me.

So 2 weeks passed, and I called her to tell her that what she had misunderstood me, and that I was mad at her for not being straightforward w/ me. Well, a week later, I found a public message from this Amy chick, talking crap about ME, saying that I had been talking trash about Amy. Yeah, I know, stupid HS bull****!! So all in all, I felt betrayed by this "friend" because on her part, instead of dealing with the misunderstanding with me directly, she HAD to tell others about it FIRST and talked trash about me. Nice, right?

So that's why I ended it. I'm too old for that type of BS anymore!
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Old 01-12-2009, 01:30 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 48,253,408 times
Reputation: 6957
lol I'm surprised you had any friends to begin with. No offense. You are cool.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Cat View Post
I have dumped a few because I thought they were "friends" but they weren't.
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Old 01-12-2009, 01:42 PM
 
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
63 posts, read 224,250 times
Reputation: 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Cat View Post
I have dumped a few because I thought they were "friends" but they weren't.

What he said. I found out the hard way.
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Old 01-12-2009, 06:37 PM
 
Location: fla
1,511 posts, read 2,753,221 times
Reputation: 709
Quote:
Originally Posted by pitt_transplant View Post
Breaking up in the love sense always has these conversations and explanations and all this etc...that just drags it out...

Do you break up with friends like that too?
Or just avoid them and be fake when you see them?
Or just avoid them and be mean when you see them?

How do you make the call between being fake or just f-it and be nasty?
have only dumped one friend----she invited me to come live with her after i retired---spent my savings moving to her home--then asked me to move out after i was ill from a massive kidney infection(post a flu i picked up in her home)
was given 2 weeks--had to move to a hotel,maxed out my credit cards--

will NEVER speak to her again after 30 years--some of which she spent in my home--impossible for me to forget
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