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Old 01-24-2009, 03:42 AM
 
Location: in purgurtory in London
3,721 posts, read 3,474,522 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart View Post
The more I think about this article the more hacked off I get...who on earth accepts a request for an interview about having no love for their child? What a terrible woman. To make it worse, she knew it was going to be published...ugh.
Because there is probarbly a woman out there who read the article and thought to themself, "so I'm not such a freak after all". There was a recent thread about another woman like her.
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Old 01-24-2009, 04:49 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 30,647,409 times
Reputation: 14582
Yikes, and I feel bad that I love my daughters differently. One in a more protectionist way and the other in more, shall we say, joyous way because of their personalities. I have been accused of loving my younger daugther more but it's just she makes me laugh more. We have, openly, better times together whereas her sister and I clash. So I worry more about her. She's too much like me for comfort

I think if I didn't love one of my children, I'd send that child to live with grandma or someone who did love her.
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Old 01-24-2009, 06:38 AM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,567 posts, read 17,097,764 times
Reputation: 13337
It sounds like my mother--she didn't really like any of us much, though in recent years she has become closer to my brother. I was angry with her for years, but now I see it as something that couldn't be helped--she truly is lacking in that department, and probably has always felt guilty--now I just feel some sympathy b/c I think that it would be horrible to have children and not love them.

I was afraid I'd be the same way with my kids but not so--I absolutely adore those girls, and one is always my favorite, but it switches off pretty evenly, so I don't feel much guilt about that--the best part is that my girls are absolutely sure that I love them. In fact, they laugh about how affectionate I am--they think I'm foolish, but that's okay with me, b/c it's a gentle laugh and they're teenagers after all.
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Old 01-24-2009, 07:13 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,098 posts, read 34,524,599 times
Reputation: 16140
I'm sad for the woman in the article, but her situation doesn't at all surprise me. I've known friends who've had mothers that didn't love them, or father's that didn't really care about their well being. They survived thanks to the support of their friends and other family members. One of my friends though is almost 60 and still recovering from the pain of her mother's hate towards her.

Perhaps, the woman's real name shouldn't have been used in this article, but other than that, I see nothing wrong with this woman admitting her true feelings about being a mother. It's more common than you think. A mother's love is natural and part of a female human being's biological makeup, but it is not a magic spiritual bond. Just as some people are hardwired to be subject to depression or being a sociopath, not every woman wants to be a mother or man wants to be a father. And our current society places a huge guilt trip (as supported by some of the replies in this thread) on women who don't naturally love and want to have children. And I suspect that unmotherly feelings are more prevalent in less affluent and developed third world countries where being a mother is much more work and effort. Even amongst my family and friends, I wonder what some mothers would do if they didn't have the option of daycare or babysitters to fall back on when they have other things they want to do with their time. Luckily, they can afford childcare help. And ask to any chld protective services staff member or police office about house calls where they had to remove an abused baby or child. Every year, there are still cases of shaken baby syndrome.

Anyway, I don't consider this poor woman to be a monster. And there needs to be more support for woman like her to allow her to give her child up for adoption without any guilt trips or condemnation by her family or friends. There are plenty of infertile couples that would love to have a child to raise, and they have a lot of love to give.

Even in the animal kingdom, there are females that give birth and then want nothing to do with their offspring. Zoos and farms frequently have to bottle feed an infant or find it a surrogate mother. Not every female creature is a natural mother.
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Old 01-24-2009, 07:20 AM
 
Location: Sri Lanka
47 posts, read 70,600 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate View Post
My god.....................................no, I cannot even think about it.............
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Old 01-24-2009, 07:32 AM
 
Location: Norwood, MN
1,828 posts, read 3,353,104 times
Reputation: 881
Quote:
Originally Posted by dave nz View Post
I'm not joking when I say this "Why should you not have to obtain a licence before having a baby".
Would save alot of the problems in the world, from inept parent/s. No licence then pregnancy aborted.
I agree 100%. About 75% of the people having children should not be having them.
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Old 01-24-2009, 07:32 AM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,847 posts, read 30,262,275 times
Reputation: 22342
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate View Post
What is truly sad is that when women do not feel maternal they are still compelled to have children because of the pressures of society instead of being respected for their decision.

The childfree are treated very badly, in most instances by the childed in society.

20yrsinBranson
blissfully childfree
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Old 01-24-2009, 07:50 AM
 
193 posts, read 717,856 times
Reputation: 114
It's sad that this happens, but it's not as uncommon as some may think. I think it probably had to do with attachment/bonding not happening at birth, probably due to life issues with the mom. Although it's difficult to fathom, people should try to understand that for reasons beyond a person's control, these things do happen, it has nothing to do with whether a person is a fit parent or deserves to have children. I don't know/understand all the scientific reasons behind it, but those first moments and days with a new child are really important for life long bonding.
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Old 01-24-2009, 09:20 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 30,647,409 times
Reputation: 14582
Quote:
Originally Posted by nightwishfan View Post
It's sad that this happens, but it's not as uncommon as some may think. I think it probably had to do with attachment/bonding not happening at birth, probably due to life issues with the mom. Although it's difficult to fathom, people should try to understand that for reasons beyond a person's control, these things do happen, it has nothing to do with whether a person is a fit parent or deserves to have children. I don't know/understand all the scientific reasons behind it, but those first moments and days with a new child are really important for life long bonding.
I have to disagree with this. Attachment/bonding at birth is really a myth. I felt like a total failure as a mom with both of my girls because I did not bond at birth. The only emotion I felt at birth was relief that they were born and ok. Then, for the next few weeks, I felt heavy responsibility and protectiveness. In time, it developed into love. I learned later that MOST women do not feel love right at birth. Something like 40% do but the rest of us go through something similar to what I did. More of a logical response than an emotional one to having givne birth. Relief and feeling responsible. Then when we get some time under our belts, love.

If attachment and bonding at birth were required, adopted kids would never be loved and we know that isn't true.
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Old 01-24-2009, 09:27 AM
 
Location: Chicago, IL
8,998 posts, read 13,068,752 times
Reputation: 3536
It wouldn't be the first time I've read such a thing.
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