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Old 01-25-2009, 02:54 PM
 
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In my large extended family we have lots of teenagers who show up at family events. They are the children of mine or my wife's sisters or brothers. I have known these kids since they were young but now I get no where with them. They all seem like they are uncommunicative with adults.

What are your expectations for conversation or greetings from these teenage relatives if you are over 30 years old?
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Old 01-25-2009, 02:57 PM
 
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I expect them to make an effort and make eye contact with me when we talk but the age you are referring to is so hard that I find myself striking up conversations with them about things that interest them and eventually they warm up....usually!
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Old 01-25-2009, 02:58 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Internet nut View Post
In my large extended family we have lots of teenagers who show up at family events. They are the children of mine or my wife's sisters or brothers. I have known these kids since they were young but now I get no where with them. They all seem like they are uncommunicative with adults.

What are your expectations for conversation or greetings from these teenage relatives if you are over 30 years old?
That is the fault of the parents, not the children. Once again, it is the entitlement culture that we've created among kids.

Here are the basics:

1) If anyone new, adult or child, enters the room, and you are a boy or a man, you stand.
2) When you greet an adult, or an adult greets you, you look them in the eye, and say, "Hello, good to see you again," or some such thing.
3) When an adult asks you a question, you reply. Not with monosyllabic grunts, not with simple "Yes" or "No," but with full sentences.
4) Ma'am and Sir are honorifics showing respect for adults. They should be used liberally in conversation.
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Old 01-25-2009, 03:00 PM
 
Location: Middle America
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I was always the kid (and teen) who hung out at the table with the adults at family gatherings. Of my siblings and cousins who wouldn't/didn't, they all COULD be engaged in conversation, it wasn't as if they'd glare sullenly or become mute. But they didn't necessarily willingly engage the adults either. Some did.

Kids who are blase about conversing with adults always strike me, fairly or not, as rude and uninteresting, and likely parented poorly. At the very least, not so mature. I've never had much patience for sullen kids, even when I WAS a kid.

I'm in my thirties, now, and none of my siblings have children past the infant stage, so I don't have anything to go on in younger generations of my own family, but if they're the kind who won't interact with the adults when the time comes, I'm sure I'll be unimpressed. I work daily with the teenage population, and am completely at home assessing what level of communication works best for a given kid, meeting them at their level and responding to their interests, and am always pretty good at interaction with teens. I would be surprised if a relative's kid in that age group was uncommunicative.
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Old 01-25-2009, 03:03 PM
 
28,906 posts, read 46,623,864 times
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Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
I was always the kid (and teen) who hung out at the table with the adults at family gatherings. Of my siblings and cousins who wouldn't/didn't, they all COULD be engaged in conversation, it wasn't as if they'd glare sullenly or become mute. But they didn't necessarily willingly engage the adults either. Some did.

Kids who are blase about conversing with adults always strike me, fairly or not, as rude and uninteresting, and likely parented poorly. At the very least, not so mature. I've never had much patience for sullen kids, even when I WAS a kid.

I'm in my thirties, now, and none of my siblings have children past the infant stage, so I don't have anything to go on in younger generations of my own family, but if they're the kind who won't interact with the adults when the time comes, I'm sure I'll be unimpressed. I work daily with the teenage population, and am completely at home assessing what level of communication works best for a given kid, and am always pretty good at interaction with teens. I would be surprised if a relative's kid in that age group was uncommunicative.
Yep. Because as I said in another post, it is the parent's primary duty to teach a child to function as an adult. That includes knowing how to behave in a social situation, for such knowledge doesn't not magically dawn on the offspring at the age of 21. It is something learned through practice. And not expecting a child to engage adults in respectful conversation is part and parcel.
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Old 01-25-2009, 03:04 PM
 
Location: Middle America
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Yep. I have little patience with kids who've not been taught to act appropriately. And their parents.
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Old 01-25-2009, 03:05 PM
 
Location: So Cal
40,270 posts, read 39,797,477 times
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Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
That is the fault of the parents, not the children. Once again, it is the entitlement culture that we've created among kids.
That entitlement culture is quite popular, even among adults.

I love this country and while we've made mistakes in the past I believe that America is a good and noble nation.

I believe that the "greatest" generation made a lot of sacrifices and had a lot more hardships then we do now.

I think American culture is shifting and not necessarily for the better. The entitlement mentality is just one more symptop of larger problems.

(steps off of soapbox)
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Old 01-25-2009, 03:05 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
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CPG more than likely has some well mannered, behaved kids!
Teenage is a hard age to handle period.
Slap them up side the head, and tell them to show respect!
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Old 01-25-2009, 03:06 PM
 
Location: Middle America
36,512 posts, read 41,720,253 times
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Hell, I'm unimpressed with my SO's 21-year old brother, because he acts like a sullen teen who can't relate at the "grownup table," and descends into childish antics for attention. I think he's a spoiled, bratty, sullen punk. AND one who was poorly parented. Thankfully, my SO was raised by his mom, a stellar parent. Li'l bro is a product of dad and dad's mistress-turned-wife's "interesting" parenting.
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Old 01-25-2009, 03:15 PM
 
Location: CA
3,469 posts, read 7,132,502 times
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I was painfully shy as a teen and had to be pulled into conversation, but a patient and kind adult could easily get words out of me; and I was nice & polite, even if quiet. I would always say hello and smile.

Generally, I think if you engage a teenager into conversation they should obviously be responsive and polite, as an adult would. The attitude of some teenagers to scorn all adults as lame or old is ridiculous.

However, I've noticed some adults get irritated when teenagers contribute at all to conversations, as if whatever they have to say is of no value, and maybe these mixed messages stifle some.
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